Met up with the ex.

[snappy5]

It went really well. We were cordial and friendly. The initial awkward moments subsided and we talked about what we were up to. Got a beer and hung out for a couple hours.

 

He asked about my relationship status and I told him I was enjoying working on myself. I was impressed with his changes and I think he was impressed as well. We parted by hugging and I felt he was lingering a bit on it.

 

We haven't talked about any form of reconciliation at this point. We are talking about our mistakes and how we've changed though. I think this is good progress and we'll see what happens. Moreover I realized I'm comfortable having him as a friend too if that's all it ends up being. There were no gushy emotions or pining on my part.

 

Good luck to you all. Work on yourself during those hard months after the breakup and you'll be in a much better place. It's been 7 going on 8 months FWIW.

[oasisrob22]

Good to hear, snappy5. How did you guys leave it as far as future hanging out/plans go? Are you guys now in contact everyday?

[BrokenHearted8]

It's been 7 going on 8 months FWIW.

 

Were you guys in touch during these months? My BF broke up with me 4 weeks ago, but we still text and talk. Many people told me to stop talking to him to move on. You see to be doing find, and I would like to know how you got to this stage. I am happy for you

[snappy5]

oasisrob22: No we're not in contact everyday. I prefer it this way as it keeps some mystery to everything and we have things to talk about if we do communicate. I don't need to know every nuance of his life and he doesn't need to know mine. I used to think it was about the quantity of communication that mattered but now realize it's much more about quality. Talking about your lunch or saying hi isn't very important. I don't talk to my friends daily or even my family members, why force so much communication with someone just because you like them? Can you keep this up indefinitely? Will you spam your kids to let them know how much you love them?

 

As far as hanging out I said we should just play it by ear. If we're free for a spontaneous meetup sure, if not let's schedule something.

 

BrokenHearted8: We kept in very LC averaging maybe once a couple months. Mostly with me initiating but that's also because I have always known he was the more reserved one and now I realize he was resentful at me for the longest time.

 

I would suggest doing NC for a couple month at the very least. That way you become more used to being by yourself instead of looking for reciprocity from him to fill some void you have. You need to learn how to fill those voids yourself and then you'll be free to contact him with no expectations or anxiety.

 

PS Helpful hint: If you find yourself getting anxious or sad I would suggest researching and reading about co-dependent behaviors and thought patterns. Once you recognize them it will be much easier to start the adjustment process to get rid of them and become a more independent and happier person in your everyday relationships, not just romantic.