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girl im not attracted to


joe45

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would you date or keep seeing a girl your not attracted to at all in physical looks. my parents introuce me a girl and i saw her pic and i was like umm nope. not my type looks wise and we know her through family friend

they saying her pic is just pic and in person might look better but i doubt it as why wyould u send a crap looking pic to me.

they push me to go meet her and see since they have a mindset they say she be the one and marry me and good girl, wont waste money, dont wear makeup and not party girl wont cheat and all this from one pic they believe they know a person just by looking at her lol . so whats so bad about girl wearing makeup they say its waste of money and will spend all my money and we wiull argue about money

also we are chinese and she chinese

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This is arranged marriage territory and no, you can't tell anything about someone by their picture. They just think if you marry someone they don't consider pretty that you'll have a better time of it--not true. Also she may be an absolute knockout and that's the picture her parents sent your parents knowing their views on women who wear makeup. BTW I wear makeup and I've always paid for it myself, not my husband or SO. LOL so much for that theory.

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you know, I used to say never date a girl I am not PHYSICALLY attracted too but am slowly realizing:

 

1 - I cannot attract girls that I am attracted too physically, even after improving myself immensely, due to the fact that I just look too damn "unmasculine". I do not have super high standards. For those of you who tout "personality personality", I do not have the colorful personality type either that could compensate for looks. I am fine with this, it is just who I am.

2 - I have met some AWESOME girls (great personality, selfless, fun, loyal, helpful, not stuck up), that are not that attractive and in fact a little homely, but am beginning to realize may be a lot better in the long term.

 

My only worry is that my sex life will suffer, but maybe it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. a relationship it not just sex after all.

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How old are you? Do you live with your parents?

 

They're probably picking your wife out for you because she is the one, according to your culture's customs, who will be helping you to take care of them in their old age. Unless you decide to buck that tradition and go live where they don't, brace yourself for your parents, especially your mother, to wage war against any woman you bring home that doesn't meet with their/her approval. It will be the price you pay for not establishing your own autonomy and quickly and tell them that you will either choose your own wife or you will move away and not live near them.

 

Whoever the woman is that you prefer to marry and will marry, you must commit yourself to stand by her no matter what and defend her against your parents, no matter what, even if they try to paint you as being ungrateful, etc. Your wife always comes first in all of your considerations--before your parents. So know that going in, you have to be so convinced that the woman you choose is the right woman for you because you will be entering into a long, hard battle against your parents.

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Don't entertain this at all. Your parents are being ridiculously pushy. My husband's parents are Chinese and my own background is one where over-involved parents are the norm. Trust me - set the boundaries early and clearly. Do not entertain their over-involvement in your life. You love them, you respect them, you want them to be happy - that's all good - that can all happen WITH them respecting boundaries - and that will only happen if you start setting them down early and firmly.

 

Of course you should not meet or try to date this woman if you don't find her at all attractive.

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2 - I have met some AWESOME girls (great personality, selfless, fun, loyal, helpful, not stuck up), that are not that attractive and in fact a little homely, but am beginning to realize may be a lot better in the long term.

 

I'm soooo glad there is finally a man on ena who realizes this!!!

 

With that being said, why would your sex life have to suffer. You said they are self-less....that means self-less lovers too! I'm sure there are LOTS of wonderful...not so good looking women...who are really good in the sack. Believe me, once you fall in love with someone, they will begin to look MUCH more attractive to you! I know.....

 

Now to the OP. Meet her. Talk to her. Report back to parents what you thought. If you liked her...fine. If you didn't, fine.

 

No harm in meeting her...and get the parents off your back!! I have to take about 40 pics of me before i get one good enough to show people....maybe that was just her 30th!!

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I think you should go meet her, at least this way you make your parents happy, and one meet doesn't mean you have to continue seeing her, if you really don't like her. But who knows, you may be surprised? Many people look much worse in pictures than in real life, what if she's one of them?

 

Then, if you still feel zero attraction towards her, you can tell your parents that you just didn't hit it off, and you don't see her as someone you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life with.

You can also try tellingthem that just because a woman isn't wearing makeup it doesn't mean she'll be a good wife who won't cheat lol.

 

But I see no point antagonizing your parents by refusing to see her. One hour coffee should be enough to get them off your back, while also giving yourself a chance to form your own opinion of this girl.

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You should not date a woman you are not physically attracted to. Period. Physical attraction is much more paramount for men than for women. You hear about women falling For men whom they were not initially attracted to, but this rarely happens with men and unattractive women.

 

Tell you parents: if I date her, I may be the one who ends up cheating. I will end up hurting her.

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But the bottom line is, if he's not attracted to her, then he doesn't have to date her.

 

And unattractive women does NOT always equal no attraction.

 

My sis had a very nice friend. She was one of the homeliest women i have ever seen. Kinda like an ugly man. She married a nice looking man and having babies. He looked past her 'looks' and into her heart, and when you do that....the person becomes ATTRACTIVE.

 

More men should realize that.....

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I would never judge attraction from a simple picture.

 

Chemistry of attraction - it's much more complex than that. For one, some people are photogenic and take a great pic, even if they're only okay in the looks department. And others, even ones quite nice looking in person, take a horrible pic that seems to emphasize traits that don't stick out in person.

 

For another, the way someone carries and projects themselves is a large part of how attractive they seem. Personality can come accross and overpower looks. Ever seen that guy/girl accross the room with a bunch of people focused on them, smiling, and the first thought that comes to mind is "what on earth do they see in him/her?" It's charisma, personality, and that something extra. But if you saw a pic, odds are, you'd think they were a "nobody" as far as having any outstanding characteristics you'd remember.

 

So I'd maybe try emailing, or IMing for a bit. See if you would have anything to talk about, and have a pleasant time. And meet her, but without any great expectations. If you have enough to have a nice time talking, and a nice night out, there sure isn't any negative in that. And who knows, maybe she'll have a friend, or you do, who you could introduce to the other and broaden your circle a bit. Never hurts to have more friends and acquaintances you can socialize with, or even meet for coffee once in a while for company!

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