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After dating a woman with BPD I still am in a state of shock and not healed.


ynguns251

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I had dated this woman who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder for almost two years. I cannot tell you how many times she would break up with me or kick me out of her house and to top things off she cheated on me after we went to a therapy session per her request. I like a fool thought I could do no better and took her back even after she cheated and this happened in early August 2013. I had my birthday on Aug 15th and she took me to dinner and was stating that she had made a mistake and was sorry I forgave her but should not have. She wanted to take a road trip and I was up for it ,however the last few we had been on were not good at all. She would get mad on every trip we took and then apologized after. We took a road trip to Pittsburgh from Chicago to see the Cardinals play the Pirates and that morning she like usual comes over late and says I am scared to go because we fight i said don't worry about it we will have a great time I explained to her. We got all the way to Pittsburgh and once we hit traffic she got upset and was yelling. I had asked a guy to move his car up and she flipped out on me and refused to talk to me that night in the hotel room which i don't understand why? The next day was the day of the game and she says to me in the morning we are leaving now because she had drove so i said why? what did I do? she said I am not for her and we are leaving so we got in her car and drove all the way to Ohio and she said ok we will turn back and go to the game and I was like what the Hell? is gong on here. We get to the game and I get out of her car and I was wearing a Cardinals jersey and a guy said "Go Cards" I said "Go cards back" She got mad again and the whole game refused to talk to me. About the 7th inning she said let's leave I said the game has two more innings and then she got mad and called a cop saying she is afraid of me and that I am hostile. I am glad the people around me stuck up for me and defended me saying i was not doing anything wrong at all and was not even next to her the whole game I was touring stadium. We left the stadium and as we were leaving she was yelling and screaming at me saying i am a piece of garbage and then left me in Pittsburgh costing me $300 for a rent a car and i had to drive all the way home by myself. I was really depressed after and that same week she filed a restraining order on me and for what reason? She said I was verbally abusive I was advised to file on her too We went to court and the judge was really cool to me and dropped the order but gave us a "No Contact" order. I had since then met a new woman through mutual friends and now I am having a kid and stressed out because there are days I think about my ex and her sleeping with other guys and it really hurts me. I tried everything possible but with no luck and I know it's for the best and i had seen a therapist for over the past year who had told me to end it with her but like a fool I didn't. How can somebody be so mean and heartless to cheat on a person after they want to go to a relationship counselor? Why? and what did I do wrong to be thrown out like a piece of garbage. I am now with a good woman but even she is demanding I buy a ring for her because she is pregnant I am 36 y/o and my life should be happy but i am sad and a lot has to do with my ex I cannot stop thinking of her and don't know why?

 

 

 

Jim

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Join the very excellent webite link removed. You will find lots of support from people like you who are still in shock and wondering what the hell happened and how it happened, lots of tips on how to recover and move on, and lots of support from people who have come through the other side. Please join.

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I thought you moved on to some school teacher who is now pregnant and wants you to buy her an 8 karat diamond engagment ring.. or something like that? You're still picking the lint out of the navel of your old relationship---it's long past time to let that mess go.

 

Open up some of your older threads and re-read the advice. If your message hasn't changed, the advice hasn't changed and is still good.

 

So if your therapist tells you to end it and you decide that you're smarter than your therapist and decide not to, what do you want us to tell you?

 

Might be time to talk to the therapist about a referral to a psychiatrist who can prescribe something to help you not be so anxiety driven and obsessive. If you can't control yourself and accept that for whatever reason, your ex just doesn't want you any more, then you need something a bit stronger than strangers giving advice and a therapist telling you what you need to do to help get you over this hump.

 

As the Glimmer Twins wrote: "you can't always get what you want..." You're not owed or entitled to a relationship with anyone. Get with that and find how simplified your life becomes.

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i am in therapy mhowe are you? and a therapist even said venting helps out so unless you have a phd don't judge. I am by far better off than i was but things haunt me what the f##k can I say.

 

mhowe isn't here posting about the exact same thing verbatim 14 months after the fact.

 

Don't confuse judging with observing and commenting on what is seen. You're throwing haymakers when you do that.

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I did move on and i am doing very well but i am afraid that she will turn out to be like that of the other psycho.

 

well, you will keep attracting the same character in different bodies until you learn the life lesson the universe is trying to teach you about yourself so you can move on and stop attracting these characters to you.

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I did move on and i am doing very well but i am afraid that she will turn out to be like that of the other psycho.

 

Relationships with BPDs very often follow this pattern so read this if you are worried that you have 'picked up another one'....

 

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Also check out the symptoms of BPD if you are still concerned.

 

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I very much hope that you will join link removed and read its message board as they more than anyone else understand your fears and how you feel destroyed by her and your relationship with her and how much it has impacted on your mental health.

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Very true kendahke I never came here to be belittled I just want to know how to stop ruminating and heal forever. I see a lot of negative posts by people and I have always helped people on here to the best of my ability. I feel if somebody does not have good advice then they should not put others down and make them feel worst. I received a infraction which i thought was wrong considering no cus word was spelled out and I had seen many posts regarding swear words. Somebody reported me for it and I do not appreciate it because we are all adults here and we should be here to help people not disgrace them right?

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That you dislike advice or consider it negative doesn't mean that the advice does not have merit.

 

Often times, in fact, that is the advice that you should pay most attention to - that which you find uncomfortable. That is where your room for growth tends to lie.

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i am in therapy mhowe are you? and a therapist even said venting helps out so unless you have a phd don't judge. I am by far better off than i was but things haunt me what the can I say.

 

You sure are a lot better ynguns.. I remember your story.. I agree with you that you come here to get this out and have to listen to someone telling you they heard your story 20x? That is flat out rude! I am tired of all the negativity lately and Mowhoe you seem to have a lot of great advise but you seem very full of yourself lately? No offence just thought you should know so maybe you can work on that.

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Very true kendahke I never came here to be belittled I just want to know how to stop ruminating and heal forever. I see a lot of negative posts by people and I have always helped people on here to the best of my ability. I feel if somebody does not have good advice then they should not put others down and make them feel worst. I received a infraction which i thought was wrong considering no cus word was spelled out and I had seen many posts regarding swear words. Somebody reported me for it and I do not appreciate it because we are all adults here and we should be here to help people not disgrace them right?

 

well, rules are rules around here and moderators do read posts as well as police the boards, so it could have been one of them who came accross it. Using foul language isn't the only reason why you'd get an infraction---there is a list of things that will get your knuckle rapped that your post probably fell under.

 

Biting the hand of someone that took time out of their busy day to answer personal emails from you to help you get your bearings in your situation in the past seems a bit negative, too.

 

You have to come to the conclusion that there is nothing that you can do that will spin the earth backward to the point before your ex decided to go hard in the paint with you. If you have to fly to the west coast and sit at the beach and watch the sun disappear over the horizon to understand that you can't make the earth change directions and bring the sun back up over that western horizon, then book a flight to go out there now, as the sun is still setting directly west and you can see it. That will teach you better than anything else that you don't have power to will anything but yourself and what you believe-- and you have to learn to accept what you can't change and who you can't change.

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