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Sorry about the length here, but I feel a bit of background info is required to truly understand my situation.

 

 

So I was in this long distance relationship (between Australia and New Zealand) with this guy who before we started our relationship, I had a pretty strong respectful friendship with, mainly through facebook and while we were living in the UK together a couple of years earlier, so as strong as it possibly could be when separated by oceans. We met up in Bali in early 2012 and sparks were flying and after parting ways we decided to try the long distance, which lasted about 7 months.. We broke up shortly after I made a visit to see him about 6 months in. While we had a great time together, shared a lot of interests and got on well, there were a couple of problematic differences of opinion about certain things that surfaced during the trip and thus made him realise that considering how little of a solid foundation we had and that making it work would call for some pretty serious decisions, (we hadn’t declared love yet or anything – but I know inside I had fallen for him) he got cold feet about continuing the LDR or taking the next big step to make us work, for fear it wouldn’t work between us. (This would have involved me making a move to New Zealand to be with him, as nothing was holding me down in Oz and he wasn’t able to make the move as he was already halfway through an apprenticeship, as well as building a house). While maybe his feelings might have withered after the arguments caused by some differences, I know they were still there in part and there was definitely a lot of respect and care that he still had for me. Neither of us were prepared to give up the friendship we had, even though I was pretty heartbroken.

 

Fast forward 18 months to today. The rocky part of the breakup has now passed. Im doing pretty well. Ive taken up lots of great hobbies, got my social circle well established, been trying to date and meet new people (although nothing has eventuated into anything). My ex and I regularly stay in touch on facebook. He wishes me happy birthday, happy new year and took a real interest when I entered my first triathlon at the end of last year. He supported me and consistently encouraged me through the training and was the first person to ask how it went after the event and told me he was thinking about me that weekend.

 

I still light up whenever I talk to him, it just makes me happy and while Ive been pretty content with the friendship these days, I know I am still in love with him. I guess its easier to supress that love when he’s not around in person. He’s occasionally brought up past good memories in conversation of when we were together and he’s occasionally said that he wished we lived closer, as he thinks we would be great training buddies (hes quite into his tris as well and has done quite a few).

 

He is coming to spend a week in my home town in less than a month on route back from an overseas wedding because he has never been and he wants to see the city. It was all organised early last year and he asked then if I could take him around to see the sights. I haven’t offered him my place to stay and I don’t even know where he’s staying, we haven’t brought it up in conversation. He doesn’t know anyone else here either.

 

I am not expecting anything to rekindle on the trip. Even if he did have feelings still I think the long distance will still be a problem. But I am getting more nervous about it the closer it gets as I still have feelings for him and I am scared of feeling heartbroken again when he has to go home after seeing him. I am also wondering if maybe seeing him again will make me realise that my feelings are just all in my head now and that I have in fact moved on, I guess I wont know till I see him. When it was all organised I did think I would be over him by this stage, but I still think about him everyday today. I also recently broke a new guys heart I went on a few dates with who was really into me because I simply couldn’t feel anything for him and I fear its because I still hold a strong place in my heart for my ex. I don’t know if my ex has casually dated since we broke up but I do know that he has not officially become involved with anyone since we were together.

 

Needing a completely subjective point of view here about what he might be feeling and any advice for his impending visit.

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Thanks for the reply. I know what I want but at the end of the day, my friendship with this guy is important and always will be important to me. And I am scared bringing it up might make him uncomfortable and ruin the friendship we have managed to salvage because at this point in time, I dont think he knows how I feel about him. Is there anything in what I have said to suggest that there is a chance he still does have feelings for me or do you think its just a friendship kind of caring?

 

I guess I dont want to say how I feel unless I know theres a chance he feels the same way.

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I would say nothing until you see him and then see how things pan out. There is little point in pouring out your soul to someone who (at this stage at least) is still just a friend. Be happy and positive - yet remain cautious until you have a fair idea of how he feels. He would not be remaining in contact through FB unless he had some interest in you right..?? As they say, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.

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