Jump to content

I need help because I want freedom


letteryouwrote

Recommended Posts

So... like many others, I have a lot of jealousy issues. I looked around the forum and I understand that in order to get over jealous emotions/insecure thoughts you have to:

 

1) Accept that you have no control over the relationship (you being jealous won't contribute to your partner wanting to stay with you, because your partner stays by their own choice)

2) Believe in their words when your partner says they love you and want to be with you

3) Try to look at it logically...

 

My girlfriend has never given me any reason to distrust her, but because of my parent's un-loving relationship, and my ex leaving me, I often get thoughts of my partner leaving me for someone else, cheating on me, dishonesty etc. and even though there is no "evidence" to prove that...I still have these thoughts.

 

is there any way I can tackle these issues? I don't want to push my partner away and I want to be able to be in a relationship with freedom, and without the fear of jealousy and insecurity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you think you are actually 'ready' for this relationship? Not sure of the time span between your ex (who left you) and this relation?

We all need to take time in between relations/involvements so we can 'deal with' our losses and issues. Clear the air and be ready willing to move on 'whole heartedly' again and be emotionally stable etc.

 

Did you do that? Did you take some time to deal with 'you'?

You could always consider some counselling with these thoughts/ issues surrounding you...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you think you are actually 'ready' for this relationship? Not sure of the time span between your ex (who left you) and this relation?

We all need to take time in between relations/involvements so we can 'deal with' our losses and issues. Clear the air and be ready willing to move on 'whole heartedly' again and be emotionally stable etc.

 

Did you do that? Did you take some time to deal with 'you'?

You could always consider some counselling with these thoughts/ issues surrounding you...

 

Hello, thanks for replying SooSad33.

 

I was at first ready to tackle on the relationship. But then i realized that my insecurities from my previous relationship started presenting itself in this relationship.

 

My relationship with my ex ended 2 years ago, and I have indeed spent time doing things for my own benefits (eg. concentrating on my hobbies, career, for my own self etc.)

 

What do you mean by " Clear the air and be ready willing to move on 'whole heartedly' again and be emotionally stable etc." I mean...I understand what you typed...but how?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello! I totally get how you feel, I'm the same.

 

It's nice that you're aware of your issue, and are seeking advice and help. Big credit to you! Some people let jealousy destroy everything, then keep on blaming others and can't see the issue is with themself.

 

I think Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a really good way to help any mental health issue.

 

It's really about re-wiring the way you think.

Jealous thoughts pop into our minds and then fester - we then create imaginary situations based on these thoughts.... then we believe the situations are true and this breaks down our opinion of our partner.... So it starts all over again.... We think less of them, then we doubt them, then we fester and create a scenario in our mind.... Then we trust them less... Aaaah it goes on.

Eventually, we will either kill our own feelings for out partner or we will drive them away.

 

So! Read Melanie Fennell's book: over coming low self esteem.

 

It uses CBT exercises to change our thinking pattern. I hear you saying "low self esteem?!" Yes, I personally think jealousy is driven by low self esteem. Thinking that we are not good enough for our partner to possibly stay faithful. There's always gonna be someone better than us, better looking, funnier, smarter, richer.... So we think: why would our partner possibly stay faithful?!

 

Answer: because we stay faithful to them. We manage to love them flaws and all. We actually love their flaws - they make them unique. We adore them even if they don't adore themself!!! That's how

 

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...