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A few questions


monkeysblood

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This is just a few random questions I have, but don't want to start new threads for all of them!

 

For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?

 

What do women really think of internet dating?

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

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1) Yes, looks matter for both men and women

2) There is no way to make a comprehensive or universal list of what's attractive as it varies woman to woman. Think of all the things that make YOU attracted to someone (smart, funny, fit, sense of humor....)

3) Totally depends on the woman. I like it.

4) You can consider dating whenever you like. Some people might prefer to date a slimmer guy who can cook and others won't care while yet others will have some similar goals to you and enjoy the company in achieving them.

Good luck!

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This is just a few random questions I have, but don't want to start new threads for all of them!

 

For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?

 

What do women really think of internet dating?

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

 

1. Yes - doesn't mean looks have to be conventional and what everyone else finds attractive but the opposite sex needs to find something appealing and desirable about you.

2. sense of humor, intelligence, well dressed, smells nice, is confident, social and yes sensitive too, not to mention romantic and so on...

3. Have never done it so no real opinion.

4. What everyone finds attractive and wants in a partner is different..so what one will accept and love right now as you are maybe another would prefer a bit more change you can usually tell right off if someone accepts you for you. Date as you see fit ...if happy with yourself that shines through no matter what.

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I can only speak personally so,

 

Looks matter but not in the way you might think, I have t find something attractive about the guy, my last ex was not conventionally attractive, a little overweight and blond and blue-eyed (I usually go for dark hair/eyes), but he had a cute smile and dimples and his eyes sparkled when he laughed.

 

I feel like online dating is like flipping though a catalog, many of the threads on here regarding OLD are pretty negative and have made me decide to avoid it now that I am venturing into dating again.

 

"Does a man have to be accomplished"--I appreciate a guy that is continually striving to learn new things and better himself, because that is what I do. I don't expect physical perfection (though I wouldn't say no either, lol) but at least works to take care of himself, eats well, I do appreciate a guy that can cook. I want a genuine guy, I don't want a guy that is "showing" to make an effort, because that's fake.

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This is just a few random questions I have, but don't want to start new threads for all of them!

 

For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

Yes, men tend to be far more focused on looks when compared to women, and less focused on personality and behavior when compared to women. Notice the pressues men and women face to be a "catch" and you will notice the pattern. Men are pressured to show off their nice jobs, careers, confidence, nice car, masucline, etc. women are pressured to style their hair this way, wear that, push up bras for perky tatas, high heels for height to show off legs, make up to cover blemishes.

 

It doesnt mean the opposite doesnt apply. I have sat there and been stared at while she talked about her house and car.

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?

 

Everyone has their own thing. Women never forget my sense of humor, i am always told that i should be a comedian because i have a dry sense of humor. I am also super confident, and i can be charming and deep with my words. Also, they like my face and bod.

 

What do women really think of internet dating?

 

An option, some already have men showing interest in real life.. so why resort to online dating??? Because it allows them to SEE whats out there, it allows them to be in the drivers seat for once, and they are allowed to be picky because their inbox shows attention. But, many dont take it serious- and many judge based on their first dating experience.

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

 

Everyone has to display their qualities. But men are more pressured to keep their personality and behavior in check.

 

Many men like many different shapes and sizes. To change something about yourself, is just you trying to reach a different audience of man.

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For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

To a degree yes, by that I mean looks will often get you that date or that first conversation. After that though you'd better have something else to back it up. For me looks are usually the first and the last thing I notice about someone when I'm getting to know them--i.e. when I don't know them that's all I see, but after I talk to them I tend to focus more on the whole person and their looks become just another part of who they are. Also what one person will find attractive the next one won't, so keep in mind that just because one person doesn't find you attractive it does not mean someone else won't. I'm a petite blonde with green eyes, if a guy is into statuesque brunettes then I will never be his cup of tea. But I've had plenty of guys who did like the way I look and others who didn't, so yeah that part is very subjective. And personally every single guy I've ever been with has looked completely different from the other men I've dated including the two who were slightly overweight. I kind of like men who have that whole Jack Black teddy bear look if they've got the wicked sense of humor to go with it. But my ex-husband was very tall and lanky too, so nope I don't really have a "type" at all.

 

Add to that the fact that sometimes you can get to know someone and although they may not physically have appealed to you in the beginning suddenly they look very hot to you. I have had that happen before as well. What I don't like are pretty boys, I like a guy to look like a guy, not like he got into my hair care products and gets his nails done more than I do. That's my own personal preference though as a woman.

 

Personal hygiene and style that make you look like the best version of you are massively important, even more so than looks. Trust me I've known some gorgeous guys who I wouldn't go near, because if they stank or didn't wash their hair it didn't matter what they looked like, I wasn't going to give them the time of day. And I'm not talking when you get dirty at the gym or on the job, I'm talking those with an obvious phobia for brushing their teeth or showering.

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?'

 

Again, this depends on the woman. For some women bluntly speaking it's the large bank account or the prestigious job. For others looks and/or personality matter more. This is once again down to personal preferences and/or what the woman is looking for in the way of a partner. For me it's: sense of humor along the more dry, slightly sarcastic variety, wit and intelligence, being able to talk and share experiences of their lives--i.e. I want a guy who's lived in the world and can talk about more than football and the one block he's grown up in his whole life. Good manners are extremely important to me as is a certain self-confidence that comes from real accomplishments. My current SO is an artist, a very good one, he's confident in that area and I find it a massive turn-on. Now if he bragged about being an artist though or went on about art and it was basically BS I'd see through it and he'd be gone. I hate it when people brag, I like it when they just are good and something and will talk to you about it and don't have to brag, because they know what they're doing. And be happy please, we have enough darkness in the world that I do not want to hang out with anyone who is chronically negative.

 

I don't really care about the bank account or what car they do or don't drive, I could care less about material possessions, but they do need to work. I provide my own money though and I'm not into the whole Cinderella thing of a man taking care of me and haven't been since I was 16, so that's just me.

 

What do women really think of internet dating?

 

Me personally, well it's just one more way to meet people. I didn't have good luck with it, but a friend of mine met her husband on there so I say go for it.

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

 

Again, this is subjective but the fact that you are learning to cook and you're working out would be pluses in my books. I don't care if people are accomplished, I care if they are happy and enthusiastic about learning something and are out there doing things instead of sitting on the couch. Or worse at their gaming console in their parent's basement. I care that they don't brag about their accomplishments, but if they are good at something I do want to hear about that and see what they can do. It's interesting to me, it's what the person is about. So yeah, I'd be interested if you were learning to cook and could talk to me about that. You don't have to be good at it, in fact a few funny stories about cooking disasters would make you even more interesting.

 

No, you should not wait until you are "perfect" in your eyes to date. I think Jack Black is a very sex guy, because he's funny and he's cute. I'd hate it if a guy like him said, "Well, I'll just wait until I look like Brad Pitt (who I don't actually find that attractive, no really I don't)." It's a waste of time, so get out there and start dating now. No one can find you if you're sitting at home working on yourself, but you never share it with anyone.

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Yes, men tend to be far more focused on looks when compared to women, and less focused on personality and behavior when compared to women.

Men are pressured to show off their nice jobs, careers, confidence, nice car, masucline, etc. women are pressured to style their hair this way, wear that, push up bras for perky tatas, high heels for height to show off legs, make up to cover blemishes.

 

 

Geez Thors, could this comment make you come off any more SHALLOW!! Men want LOOKS...women want personality! What do you think is better for a lasting relationship...and marriage material....and long lasting love. Haven't you heard.....????.....looks fade. I'd much rather have a man that isn't the 'hottest' but has a GREAT personality.

 

And yes....ambition (job/career) is important to help provide for your family! Men still as a rule make more than women. AND.....we only have to worry about push up bras for our perky tatas to attract a man???? Say it ain't so!!!!

 

You're not making a good case for 'men' in general........lol

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Oh....what do i look for in a man! Someone who can make me laugh as a rule...and dance would be nice....lol

 

Other than that...it's ALL about the chemistry! Sometimes you just meet someone and it's an instant 'click'......hard to find, but we're all looking!

 

Online dating. Yes i did. For years. no luck. Now not on. I discounted men with LOTS of tatoos/fish/deer heads/naming off all the NBA sports teams and NASCAR/ kitchens that looked worse than mine/couches that looked like they came from the Salvation army/men who said they didn't like drama/men who said they worked out every day, and expected the same from their 'woman'/men who couldn't spell, or try to make a profile interesting/men who only said, "hi sexy" /Old fat men that looked WORSE than my dad/sitting in a bar with a lot of friends with beers in hand....and the list goes on.

 

I look for someone who had the same interests as me. Sports, hunting, and being a gym rat or motorcyle dude wasn't cutting it for me. I wanted a man with an adventurous spirit. Travel, see the world...or at least 100 miles from his house. I joined link removed instead. I now go zip-lining, kayaking, snowshoeing and hiking. Would like to find a man that was like-minded.

 

AND MADE ME LAUGH and treated me like he ADORED ME! lol

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Geez Thors, could this comment make you come off any more SHALLOW!! Men want LOOKS...women want personality! What do you think is better for a lasting relationship...and marriage material....and long lasting love. Haven't you heard.....????.....looks fade. I'd much rather have a man that isn't the 'hottest' but has a GREAT personality.

 

And yes....ambition (job/career) is important to help provide for your family! Men still as a rule make more than women. AND.....we only have to worry about push up bras for our perky tatas to attract a man???? Say it ain't so!!!!

 

You're not making a good case for 'men' in general........lol

 

I didnt say personality didnt matter... and i am speaking in a general sense, its not so much my personal experience as far as what i want - unless you are asking what i want (which isnt what the op asked for). Hence why i wrote in comparison, you can prove this with studies, or your own research by looking around this forum itself.

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Geez Thors, could this comment make you come off any more SHALLOW!! Men want LOOKS...women want personality! What do you think is better for a lasting relationship...and marriage material....and long lasting love. Haven't you heard.....????.....looks fade. I'd much rather have a man that isn't the 'hottest' but has a GREAT personality.

 

And yes....ambition (job/career) is important to help provide for your family! Men still as a rule make more than women. AND.....we only have to worry about push up bras for our perky tatas to attract a man???? Say it ain't so!!!!

 

You're not making a good case for 'men' in general........lol

 

Thors is being very honest. And he's right...just read all the other men's posts on ENA. We do care about looks more than women. That's not to say that's ALL we care about! Personality is key for a LTR, and I know Thors recently was very into a girl who he thought wasn't "hot" but he liked her personality and interests a lot. I was dating a hottie last month, and I ended it because I wasn't feeling her personality that much. We don't think looks are everything, but for men, initial physical attraction needs to be there.

 

And many women are just as into looks. On average, less so than men...but women are much the same as us. Women need that initial physical attraction too, but other things like money, status, and confidence can substitute for looks.

 

Haven't we all discussed this on ENA a million times? Lol

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Yeah...I KNOW men go for LOOKS...but is it right????? lol....

 

My friend "TOM" is short 5'8"....very rotund....very.....and skinny bowed legs....and totally bald. Lets just say, he's not HOT.

 

He had a profile pic of himself on pof. I would NEVER have msg'ed him, and didn't return his. Then we met at a meetup and became friends and kayakers. He told me the only women that contacted him on pof were FAT. he told me that numerous time...how horrified that all he got were these really fat woman emailing him....and i stood there thinking....well.....aren't YOU FAT???

 

eh.....isn't this a two way street? ok....now i'm getting fat too.....lol...so i better be nice!

 

btw...i think maybe the 'younger' guys and gals are really into the 'looks'. When you grow up and get older, you will realize Quality matters!

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initial physical attraction

 

This. Of course. You have to have attraction....and chemistry. But i think a woman will allow for a man not to be soooo attractive, before a man will. But i still don't think it's RIGHT. But i do believe in looking for your equal!! So if you truly are a 10....go for it man! lol

 

Same reason i would prefer a man in his early 50's rather than in his 60's! LOOKS!

 

So. OK. I'm shallow too.

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For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

It depends. I've been attracted to men with average looks in the past..and handsome men have left me cold. Personality matters a lot. If it's combined with good looks, even better.

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?

 

Every woman is different but, for me, it is: wit, a good sense of humour, good manners and a big smile.

 

What do women really think of internet dating?

 

I think it's an interesting way to meet new people as long as you don't expect to meet Prince Charming and fall in love instantly.

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

 

It depends on what kind of women you want to attract. Personally, I don't care at all if someone is a little overweight or if he can cook.

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initial physical attraction

 

This. Of course. You have to have attraction....and chemistry. But i think a woman will allow for a man not to be soooo attractive, before a man will. But i still don't think it's RIGHT. But i do believe in looking for your equal!! So if you truly are a 10....go for it man! lol

 

Same reason i would prefer a man in his early 50's rather than in his 60's! LOOKS!

 

So. OK. I'm shallow too.

 

 

A woman may be a little more lenient in her physical preferences in some ways...but many women demand, for instance, 7ft and above. That's "shallow"...especially when she's 5'2". And let's not forget the standardized high heels test hehe. I'm quick to use the height thing as an example, because women tend to get angry when we men demand thin/fit women...it cuts both ways, many people of each sex have these respective preferences. I don't get upset when women don't like me because I'm not tall, because that's just her thing, and I know I am shallow in some respects.

 

 

And while many women don't have any physical preferences, they may still demand things like money, career, status, and confidence...which are "shallow" as well, because those things really don't have much to do with a man's personality (save maybe the confidence factor).

 

I think most people, regardless of sex, are shallow to point. We all have our preferences, and we aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea

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Height, money, status, social strength; all traits linked to strength or show of masculine power. A woman can still find a short guy (as in not 6 feet when she can be 5'3'') without a career (as in he has no career but she still works in a dead-end job) as cute and sexy because his face and bod still show it, but there wouldnt be draw to him that she would still rule him as unattractive because he doesnt have those traits - so he gets labeled.

 

It doesnt matter to me, everyone has their thing. I just believe in avoiding flaws, and showcasing your positive traits. I am not tall, but there has been a few moments where the girl i was with didnt see me as a "weak" guy for my ability to talk /walk or or force my way out of many situations.

 

Online stats for nyc online dating says most women response rate drops when the guy is under 5'9''- regardless of their height. I dont like big women, at all... but i will still date someone with meat on them if its on her hips and butt, and still had a bit left over - if she was carrying a beautiful face and great personality, i dont go on a site looking for 120lbs or less. But, in real world nyc, most women i see are with some really unattractive men - and its always a behavioral trait that attracted her to him. Hence why i always say online women in nyc are living a fantasy.

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I think most people, regardless of sex, are shallow to point. We all have our preferences, and we aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea

 

This sums it all up, really. The trick is to find the people who are your cup of tea and you are theirs. You can't quantify everything down into neat answers that apply to everybody, just not going to happen. And yeah, I'm shallow too, because I judge a man on his voice and sense of humor and intelligence. We all have preferences and yes it's a bit silly to get mad at someone who says they like x,y and z. That's like getting upset, because they don't like Indian food or sushi. One of the great things about people is we aren't all the same.

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This is just a few random questions I have, but don't want to start new threads for all of them!

 

For men to be attractive to women, do looks matter?

 

To some extent, yes. Though most people have at least one attractive physical trait. Initially it's more important because you don't know a person. Important being a lame word choice, because in the long run... looks don't matter all that much (to me, anyway). They'll fade, in time.

 

What do women actually find attractive in a man?

 

A sense of humor, a sense of self, morals, having goals, being flexible (not physically, though I suppose that's a bonus, too!), knowing what he wants....

 

What do women really think of internet dating?
It's how I met my husband. So I like it.

 

Does a man have to be 'accomplished' or just showing to make an effort? For example, I am a little overweight, and can't cook. However, I am making a lot of effort to exercise and eat healthily; I am also learning to cook. Would this be enough, or would I have to wait until I'm slimmer/completed my course before I could even consider dating?

 

Confidence is a key point in this. If you are confident with who/how you are, and are still working to improve yourself... then why wait? If you're not happy with yourself, you should get to the point where you are before trying to add a tagalong to your journey. Love yourself first. Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but you do need to truly like who you are before adding a key player into your life. It just works out better in the long run.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you to everyone for your replies. My further questions are:

 

As someone who is a little bigger than I want to be, but currently working on this, should I wait until I'm the size I want to be, or start online dating now? Do women rate the text over the pictures, or the other way round? Alternatively, is it a case that clothes makes the man?

 

Is it worth mentioning my exercise in my profile, or will the fact that the pictures don't 'fit', mean instant rejection?

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Thank you to everyone for your replies. My further questions are:

 

As someone who is a little bigger than I want to be, but currently working on this, should I wait until I'm the size I want to be, or start online dating now? Do women rate the text over the pictures, or the other way round? Alternatively, is it a case that clothes makes the man?

 

Is it worth mentioning my exercise in my profile, or will the fact that the pictures don't 'fit', mean instant rejection?

 

There is some risk that some women will move on when they see your size. Adding that you are exercising might not help much.

 

You will probably get responses but expect for some of them to be in similar circumstances as yourself.

 

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk

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