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Should you take to heart and believe everything your ex says post BU? I mean 3-4 months after the decision to end the relationship has been made, but emotions are still running high. We were engaged and he abruptly ended it after talking to his step-dad about how difficult it is to blend families (2 kids each), or at least that's what he told me. Anyway, he went pretty much complete NC for the better part of 2013. However, during my begging and crying stage he told me that it's easier to date someone without kids and we just want different things (he's the one that moved to my state and picked out an engagement ring)

 

My heart has pretty much regained it's strength after months and months of struggle and therapy, and of course he's suddenly reappeared via text. Don't know why and can't even speculate. The last text was saturday night at 11 saying that he was going somewhere that we had been together and how it will bring back "great memories." I said I'm glad he can think fondly of our time together and left it at that.

 

Now, of course, my mind is going mad wondering what his motivation is (another BU, memory lane, guilt) but of course I'm also wondering if this could be the beginning of a possible reconciliation attempt. Why after a full year? I keep playing in my mind him saying that we want different things and as I'm typing this out, his actions show this as well, so there's my sign!

 

I guess I just wonder if dumpers say things that they don't necessarily mean during the trauma of a significant BU? Or after a significant amount of time come to realize that what they had is exactly what they want. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading btw

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I would recommend that until he outright says he wants to get back together and what, if anything, has changed since the time he said it's easier to date someone without kids and that he wanted different things than you...that you don't analyze his contact. Could be boredom, memories, wants to feel you out to make sure you don't hate him....who knows??

I know how hard it is not to over-think things, but I'd leave it to him to be clear, direct and upfront about what, if any, intention he has by getting back in touch.

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I think sometimes even a dumper can get nostalgic for happier times. Particularly if they find themselves suddenly alone and life isn't that good right then. So they cast their net out to someone they know was maybe into them who can provide comfort or an ego boost. I wouldn't look at contact as anything but that unless the person out and out asks to see you and for another chance. And at that point you have to sit them down and say, "Okay, what's changed from when you said this and this and this" and find out why they are changing their minds. Too many times people say nothing for fear of upsetting or messing things up, but then it later comes up the dumper didn't really fix or change anything, they just ran back to what was familiar, and another breakup happens with the dumpee ending up even more devestated.

 

So tread very carefully here. I would keep contact to a minimum and not read anything more into this than your ex is feeling lonely and nostalgic, but that doesn't equate wanting you back unless he says so.

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I don't think 'dating someone without kids is easier' was the real reason for your BU. He might have been too much of a chicken to tell you straight in the face he doesnt love you anymore. What he 's doing now in contacting you again, I dont know.. Maybe he has come to realize what a great person you are, maybe he bored, maybe nostalgic,.. You dont know and should not react unless there's more of a 'I wanna get back together' message in his communication attempts.

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Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses. A few months ago I would have been jumping at the chance to get back together with him no matter what. Now, I have to protect myself and my children because they went through the stress of this BU just as much as I did. I will continue with NIC and only respond politely as needed, giving nothing away. I will be okay whether he comes back or not.

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