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2-3months, what's wrong with me


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Me and my ex had a thing for a few months and dated for 1. So basically i knew her for 6months in total. I screwed up big time. It's been 2 and a half months and i'm still not over her, not even close. I still cry over her and i've been in NC for most of the time since we broke up. I think about her all the time. I understand the people that feel this way after knowing someone for years and dating. But this was short term. Maybe the reason is because she's one of the nicest people in school and she's the prettiest girl in school (i always get comments on how could you let her get away etc...) she started dating someone new a month after broke up which made it worse for me. During the time when we were casually dating and official relationship she was into it much more than i was. guess i got "never know what you have till it's gone" luckily i'm moving countries because of university, but that's not till october.... And i still have to see her in school till we go on summer (end of june) i just want to move on and stop being this hurt. It hurts so much, i feel this void inside me, akhhhh never thought something could ever hurt like this. Would take 100 kicks to the balls over this anyday

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Sometimes I think the shorter relationships are harder to get over because you never got to really know the person beyond the honeymoon and infatuation phase. Those feelings are intense and it's like getting the rug pulled out from under you.

 

I had a 6 month relationship end abruptly and it took me a year to get over it.

 

There's nothing wrong with you. I know how you feel.

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Agreed. The short relationships are hardest as everything is still new and fresh - I am going through exactly the same thing. He dumped me 7 weeks ago (says he got scared when we were getting close even though I tick all the boxes, he does not want a relationship at the mo). I still miss him everyday and the pain I feel is so intense. Just hang in there, keep busy and hang with your friends - the more you laugh the better (at least temporaily). They say time is a healer....I hope so!

 

deejay74 - I hope it doesn't take me a year. the end of this realtionship has led me to go back and see my counsellor as my mind just would not rest.

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Agreed. The short relationships are hardest as everything is still new and fresh - I am going through exactly the same thing. He dumped me 7 weeks ago (says he got scared when we were getting close even though I tick all the boxes, he does not want a relationship at the mo). I still miss him everyday and the pain I feel is so intense. Just hang in there, keep busy and hang with your friends - the more you laugh the better (at least temporaily). They say time is a healer....I hope so!

 

deejay74 - I hope it doesn't take me a year. the end of this realtionship has led me to go back and see my counsellor as my mind just would not rest.

 

i hope it doesn't either! everyone is different, though. it's great you're seeing a counselor, that should help.

 

i saw one back then and i am seeing one again now, after this last BU. i'm hoping it doesn't take me longer than 6 months to get over my 10 month relationship with my recent ex.

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i hope it doesn't either! everyone is different, though. it's great you're seeing a counselor, that should help.

 

i saw one back then and i am seeing one again now, after this last BU. i'm hoping it doesn't take me longer than 6 months to get over my 10 month relationship with my recent ex.

 

Good luck I think sometimes we are more emotionally invested than others - e.g. for me I find it hard to get close to someone and let my guard down. When I finally did it was with someone I really cared for....hence, now that it has ended it hurts a thousand times more than if it was with someone I wasn't that close to....

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Three cheers for the counselor/therapist. I, too, had a short but intense relationship where the rug was ripped out from under me/us. He/we said we loved each other and it was real. Until his ex came back (seeing he's in a new relationship and his situation had changed) and said she wants to try again. His feelings for her surprised him and resurfaced and had to explore them. There was NOTHING wrong with what we had, nor did I do anything wrong (except maybe trust him - and there's nothing wrong with trusting someone you love). Needless to say, I'm currently devastated and working through this. (It's a lot newer than OPs 2-3 months). I am doing all I can to move past it.

 

Since I've been going to therapy even when things have been good, it was helpful to be with my therapist these last two weeks and work through it. Now, here's what might sound a bit new age-y and odd, but I feel the EFT (emotional freedom therapy), also known as tapping has been helping. Believe, you me, you may find it a bit weird and odd, but recognizing and saying out loud the negative things and accepting yourself for them does work. Maybe because I've been doing it for a while (through good and bad times) but feel that it's been a good base for me to move forward. Yes, the pain is absolutely still there, but I can feel it getting less and less. And, it's been good to say out loud that I do accept myself.

 

I found a video today that was helpful for me to follow - again, this might look, sound, feel, and be weird but I found it helpful for me since I've been doing this for a while. Google EFT to get the premise and understanding. Check out this video and see if it helps you. ( ) I did it this morning and plan on doing it again today - along with quicker shorter tapping sessions. (I'm also surprised at myself that I'm even recommending it, but I truly believe it has been a helpful therapy for me).

 

There is NOTHING wrong with you. This pain is real. You are human. I share it with you. You are allowed to feel it.

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Agree with the others, it was short and you never got to see her bad side or get to know her well enough to take her off a pedestal. And the comments from others implying that somehow you let her get away can't be helping. But they also aren't true, she isn't some prized possession that you left outside and someone picked her up and ran off with her. Things didn't work out, that's really the long and the short of it.

 

I'm suspicious that one or more of your "friends" is perhaps twisting the knife in and gloating over the fact that you guys broke up, because they never ever got so much as a hi from her. And that may well be part of the problem. So the next time someone tells you that your only response should be, "Yeah, well at least I did date her, you didn't now did you." Or better yet just tell them you're over it, you don't want to keep hearing about a long-dead thing then yawn loudly and say, "Whatever" if they continue to make those comments. Shut them down, hard. You may not feel like that inside, but no one has to know that and sometimes acting like it does eventually make you feel that way too.

 

Try to limit contact with her as much as you can, focus on doing things and being with people who make you feel good and keep going. You will get past all of this and you will be fine, just give yourself some time and get any naysayers off your back.

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I am 2 months post breakup on a 9 month relationship in which the last 2-3 months were basically her withdrawing while I was pushing. Although I am doing a little better (got my eating habit back to normal, I starved myself for those last two months) I am nowhere NEAR over her. I still miss her to pieces. I keep idealizing her and then consciously telling myself I shouldn't do that. It's like an ongoing fight between my emotions and my rational mind. It is awful. So you're not alone in this 'two months' thing, I am right there with you. Also beating myself up for it, but there's no point in doing that so try to be gentle towards yourself and give yourself time. My counselor once said, if you are STILL feeling the same way after six months or so, then we might agree there is a problem. Right now is just grieving the loss of someone, and the time needed to do that is different for everyone.

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completely agree with you and know exactly what you are feeling. I'm so glad I found this site as I honestly thought I was the only one and there was something wrong with me. A few of my friends are also going through breakups (some which have been in a long term relationship) and they seem to be dealing with it a lot better. The fact that we have not had any contact for a week makes me sad and my heart aches but I know it is for the best.

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completely agree with you and know exactly what you are feeling. I'm so glad I found this site as I honestly thought I was the only one and there was something wrong with me. A few of my friends are also going through breakups (some which have been in a long term relationship) and they seem to be dealing with it a lot better. The fact that we have not had any contact for a week makes me sad and my heart aches but I know it is for the best.

 

Having no contact with him while you're suffering is actually a blessing in disguise. I know how you're secretly hoping he will come to realize he loves you and wants to be with you, I am (not so) secretly hoping that she'll change her mind too. But when they contact and crush all hope or just avoid the topic at all, I can guarantee you that is much worse than no contact..

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Having no contact with him while you're suffering is actually a blessing in disguise. I know how you're secretly hoping he will come to realize he loves you and wants to be with you, I am (not so) secretly hoping that she'll change her mind too. But when they contact and crush all hope or just avoid the topic at all, I can guarantee you that is much worse than no contact..

 

I know. It's like rubbing salt in the wound because you do not get the answer looking for!

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Yeah, those short term relationships are awful! It took me over a year to get over one gal that I dated for a total of 3 months, but thats partially because I was an idiot and kept hanging out with her after the BU hoping that "friends" will lead back to dating... which DID happen for 3 weeks, but then we just broke up again and it was even HARDED for me after that.

 

She, looking back, wasn't anything special... honestly, they never are... but your MIND makes them look like a f*cking goddess. That experience was THE BEST, WORST, experience I could ask for. I gained SO much knowledge and experience. No regrets.

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