My husband wants dirty talk but I don't. ..

[Anomous 8232]

My husband and I have been married for two years. We have a pretty good life together and we get along. Of course we have our issues but for the most part we work things out. The only thing that bothers me every time is when we have sex, because I already know what he wants. Me on my back talking dirty, but he wants me to talk about being with other women or family members and that makes me uncomfortable and I go along with it because I don't want to be boring..but im bored..no new positions nothing..and sometimes he will call the party lines just to hear someone talk dirty while I am right there. The one thing I did for myself is buy a vibrarter just so I can get off. Eventually we both climax, but for me the feeling is not mutal, I guess that feeling that two people are suppose to share just isent there. Is he wrong or am I just tripping? What do I do?

[NorthDallas40]

Tell him you'll talk dirty 50% of the time... as long he does exactly what YOU want the other 50% of the time. Problem solved.

[Anomous 8232]

That sounds fair..thanks!

[NorthDallas40]

Though I will admit, these two are pretty weird:

 

wants me to talk about being with family members

 

sometimes he will call the party lines just to hear someone talk dirty while I am right there

 

But if he treats you well otherwise, why not. As Dan Savage says, sex play like this is simply "cops & robbers for adults" as long as both parties are consenting and satisfied.

[Anomous 8232]

Yes I do agree..but I go along with it because I love him, but I need to find my inner freak so we can be on the same page..

[Edmund Exley]

Talking about being with family members isn't something you'll find with your inner freak. Thats beyond freak.

 

If you arent comfortable with certain things he needs to respect that.

[Valentine1]

I agree that talking about being with family members is unacceptable. I understand the desire to listen dirty talk, but there are certain limits no one should croos. And one of them is anything sexual related to family members...

[amethyst exchange]

I understand the desire to listen dirty talk...

 

I don't understand it. Admittedly that may just a logical extension of my lack of understanding of most things...but talking dirty sounds so....childish? Tell me what you want, yeah, give me encouragement that I'm in the right spot...but when the dirty talking starts I have to admit it turns me off...because it sounds...silly.

[Adama]

I like dirty talk but my wife does not. But, "dirty talk" that I like is kind of simple stuff in comparison to the OP's husband: basically for her to tell me to do something or that she wants me to do something or she wants to do something to me but using direct, strong language (i.e., "dirty" talk). My wife does not like it (like pretty much everything else that might add a little creativity to the love making) so we basically do not do it. Your husband and I are of course different people and have different tastes (for example, I would lose my erection if my wife started talking about sex with other family members -- though if she said the name of a famous male actor that she likes - that would probably turn me on because it would be interesting and within the context of complete fantasy -- i.e., not reality), but what I can say as a generality that could be similar is that I think dirty talk is about enhancing with a little bit of a feeling of fantasy and fantasy and be interesting and fun.

[kompakt]

he wants me to talk about being with other women or family members

 

Family members??? Seriously??? That is a turn off to most people, it's kind of sick. Sounds like he isn't pleasing you if you have to use a vibrator to get yourself off to be honest. I think he needs to learn some skills and also a slap to the face for fantasizing about family members. Really that is so wrong.

 

Also tell him what you want in no uncertain terms, that might help him get to the right spot

[Jennifer89]

I don't understand it. Admittedly that may just a logical extension of my lack of understanding of most things...but talking dirty sounds so....childish? Tell me what you want, yeah, give me encouragement that I'm in the right spot...but when the dirty talking starts I have to admit it turns me off...because it sounds...silly.

 

Sounds like no one has done it properly with you.

 

OP, dirty talk is one thing, but talking about family members, that's really not a cool request. I would tell him that you are comfortable with certain types of dirty talk only, and you want him to put an effort into what will get you off, as well. He can have his dirty talk sometimes, but you need your fun, too.

 

I find with my FWBs (yes, it is a different thing, I know), that if I dirty text them while they are at work, when they get to me, they are so ready to go they don't care what we are doing, as long as it includes two naked bodies. It's fun for me (because I enjoy dirty talk) and it takes away pressure from having to do it during sex (when I normally don't want to talk at all).

[Adama]

It's fun for me (because I enjoy dirty talk) and it takes away pressure from having to do it during sex (when I normally don't want to talk at all).

Do women generally not like talk (i.e., dirty talk) during sex (i.e., the timing)?

[Jennifer89]

Do women generally not like talk (i.e., dirty talk) during sex (i.e., the timing)?

 

I've talked to a few friends who have said the same that they don't like to talk a lot during sex, it's more about feeling and talking takes away from that, for me.

[Adama]

I've talked to a few friends who have said the same that they don't like to talk a lot during sex, it's more about feeling and talking takes away from that, for me.

Wow, that's helpful!!!!

[Jennifer89]

Wow, that's helpful!!!!

 

Really, if you can talk in complete and full sentences, the guy is doing it wrong!

[Adama]

Really, if you can talk in complete and full sentences, the guy is doing it wrong!

Makes more sense. Ok, objective is to get her to be in a pleasurable state so that she cannot even talk.

[amethyst exchange]

Sounds like no one has done it properly with you.

 

That may be true, but that doesn't help me understand how it is not seemingly childish. Of course I tend to find splashing of sexually explicit language and profanity to be...distracting and more likely to make me cringe at its use.

[louisecar]

I really like if a man talks dirty during sex but not all the time as I prefer to lose myself in the feelin a lot of the time. Also sometimes the occasional thing thats been said has made want to giggle rather than turned me on haha. Im not very gud with dirty talk in person as I get a bit shy about it and can feel silly. Maybe u can turn him on before sex by sending him a dirty text message and create anticipation without feeling shy about it.

 

I do think youre focusin too much on what he wants tho. I mean you need to compromise a bit. U need to tell him youd like to use different positions. If u dont want to bring it up outside the bedroom then incorporate it by using dirty talk while having sex and saying id love to be on top of you right now etc etc or texting him and saying when you get home 2nite id love it if you... use dirty talk as a way of getting what you want out of sex too

[Jennifer89]

That may be true, but that doesn't help me understand how it is not seemingly childish. Of course I tend to find splashing of sexually explicit language and profanity to be...distracting and more likely to make me cringe at its use.

 

"Dirty talk" does not mean throwing around a bunch of cuss words. It more like... telling the person what you want to do to him/her, explaining how you feel (physically, duh), etc.

[Jennifer89]

Score! Good idea!

[amethyst exchange]

"Dirty talk" does not mean throwing around a bunch of cuss words. It more like... telling the person what you want to do to him/her, explaining how you feel (physically, duh), etc.

 

That's not dirty talk, that is communicating...which is totally different. It's when it becomes unnecessary level of explicitness that its a bit childish.

[Jennifer89]

That's not dirty talk, that is communicating...which is totally different. It's when it becomes unnecessary level of explicitness that its a bit childish.

 

It's the way you phrase it. I could say "I want to have sex tonight." Or I could say "I want you to (insert action) to me tonight while I am (insert action) and then (insert action) while I (insert action) to you." And then continuing that. I would insert actions, but I'd probably get in trouble And I could say all of that without cussing. Though I normally drop the word a*s, d*ck or f*ck in there. But hey, we're all adults, and those words sound super sexy when used in a phrase like the one above! And yes, there is a difference between communicating and dirty talk. Communicating would be saying "I want to have sex with you tonight" where as dirty talk would be more along the lines of "I want you to (action) my wet (body part) with your giant (body part)."

[greywolf]

I need to some dirty talk to get off, so I can understand where your husband is coming from, but I can also understand if you'd eventually get bored with that. He needs to put some effort into doing things that get you off too.

[itsallgrand]

I don't think this is even about dirty talk or not anymore . You two are so disconnected from each other and frankly, I don't think you having sex with him under these types of circumstances is healthy. You could really numb/hurt yourself by continuing to have sex with someone who is doing things sexually to you that make you uncomfortable.

 

I think you need to maybe talk to someone about establishing boundaries and sexual confidence. If something makes you uncomfortable, you always reserve the right to stop what is happening and change what is going on or end it.

[Adama]

... "I want you to (insert action) to me tonight while I am (insert action) and then (insert action) while I (insert action) to you." ...."

First, I'd like to know what the insertion words are!!! Just KIDDING (kind of)!!

Second, I am almost (well "relieved" is definitely not the right word but) pleasantly moved to hear that there are some ladies in the world who also like and enjoy some dirty talk in some ways at some moments of love making. Actually, I could say the same thing about just about any other interesting thing that people enjoy to do together during love time. I WISH my wife suddenly said something like "I want you to (explicative) to me." rather than using "proper" language or no language.

So, I was thinking of a couple things ladies here have been saying but perhaps from one male's perspective. One of the things that I was thinking about is that for many (most??) guys, there is definitely a difference between communicating about sex and dirty talk. The sentences that need the "word insertion" part because the missing text is not appropriate on the site DEFINITELY gets me hard - no question about it. The communication, at least from my perspective, is more of an "ok let's better understand what each likes so that we can be better at helping each other enjoy our intimacy together." That for me is very welcomed, very good communication but it is not geared really around exciting me. Rather, I kind of turn on my academic brain a bit to try to be better. So, at least for me, the two are very different.