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Who should apologize?


Anara

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My boyfriend wanted sex last night, I wasn't in the mood but he really wanted to try to get me in the mood. We started off with some foreplay, he was trying really hard. He did really turn me on and I could tell he was giving an honest effort to pleasure me, instead of the usual, which is; I basically sacrifice myself to make him orgasm with little to nothing in return because I'm just not in the mood 2-3+ times a day knowing he just wants a quickie 90+% of the time, but that's beside the point.

 

Anyway, we started having sex in the position that gets me off usually, even though he doesn't like it much(doggy). We went for a while and he started randomly thrusting me REALLY HARD out of nowhere. He did it two times and I said "OUCH" both times, the second time I flat out told him it REALLY HURT. He now claims he didn't hear me. Then he did it one more time EVEN MORE HARD and I screamed and I told him that it REALLY hurts when he does that, I like rough sex, but THAT was like being punched in the cervix. It completely ruined the sex for me, my cervix felt bruised, and I could no longer feel him inside me. I was also starting to itch and burn from all the friction (I'm getting over a yeast infection). I sort of wanted to stop, but I also wanted him to finish, so I told him I wasn't going to orgasm and to switch to missionary.

 

He went at it for a while then started complaining about me just laying there. I guess because I wasn't moaning. He claims I had a "nasty" look on my face, but I don't think I did. So I spoke my mind, I told him that he had REALLY HURT me and it completely turned me off and that's why I wasn't into it. He said he was sorry, but I elaborated a few times about how painful being thrust like that was, and about how I wasn't too happy about it, it really upset me. He said to me several times "this isn't the time for that(complaining)". Then he sat up and asked me several times to ride him. I repeatedly told him I wasn't in the mood for that, but that he could finish up on top of me. Then he said to me "Why don't you suck me hard again? I got soft from all the b#tching."..... I couldn't believe he said that, I was offended and definitely didn't want to suck him off after having him ask in such a rude way. I told him no, but that he could still finish up on top of me. There was some back and forth, but I insisted that I would not suck him after being talked to like that, and that I did not want to ride him either(I hate riding and had already done it just for him earlier that day for nothing in return sexually).

 

So he got back up on top of me, I tried to help him get hard again, but he just couldn't. (I will admit here that if I had sucked him he would have been hard as a rock, but I couldn't bring myself to do that because of his very poor choice of words with me). After about 30 seconds he shot up, grabbed my ankle and pretty violently threw it to the side(he claims this did not happen, whatever). He stormed out of the room without a word and slammed the door VERY HARD. He went to his office to finish himself off to some porn with his fleshlight... While he was gone I decided it would definitely NOT be a good idea for me to be around him that night, I felt disrespected, so I wanted to sleep in the guest bedroom...

 

So I washed myself up and grabbed my pillows. He caught me as I was exiting the bedroom, he asked me where I was going, I told him I was "going to sleep in the other room". He said "Don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out." which pissed me off, so I slammed it just as he had. I heard him shout "b**ch" through the door.

 

Now he wants ME to apologize to HIM because refused to ride him and was laying there "like a corpse" during sex and was "being a b**ch" because I was complaining about him hurting me. And I want him to apologize to me for calling me a b**ch and for being so insensitive. He claims that he was just trying to give me what he thought I wanted and that I'm only acting like this because I'm PMSing, which I find also disrespectful because that has NOTHING TO DO with it, he really hurt me and I feel like I have a right to complain and be upset, especially considering I TOLD HIM it hurt then he did it AGAIN.(even though he claims he didn't hear.)

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Anara...You don't owe him an apology, you owe it to yourself to leave this abusive relationship before he does anymore damage. According to your previous thread this has been going on for a while, and you can't change him, you can't fix him, and what you see is what you get.

 

Do you have any family members near by?

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So you are still with this guy who is raping you and sexually abusing you and what exactly do you expect to change? You think he is ever sorry for what he does? Even if he says it from time to time, it's only to calm you down a little so he can go at you some more, not because he actually cares about you. When will you get that?

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no way should you apologise! I don't think I have read your other posts but even just from this one, it seems like you went through a horrible experience. Even if he didn't hear you when you said it hurt during, he should have forgotten about his erect penis the minute you screamed and told him you were hurt. To then criticize you for "lying there" when you were willing to continue to have sex just added insult to injury. And expecting sex 3+ times a day EVERY day is ridiculous. This guy is just after a porn star, not a real girlfriend.

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no way should you apologise! I don't think I have read your other posts but even just from this one, it seems like you went through a horrible experience. Even if he didn't hear you when you said it hurt during, he should have forgotten about his erect penis the minute you screamed and told him you were hurt. To then criticize you for "lying there" when you were willing to continue to have sex just added insult to injury. And expecting sex 3+ times a day EVERY day is ridiculous. This guy is just after a porn star, not a real girlfriend.
To be fair to him I said 2-3+(meaning 2 to 3 and sometimes more), not 3+... And tbh occasionally it's once a day, and none when there is something really really wrong and I actually CAN'T have sex(like UTI or yeast infection...usually...).

 

If it were up to him (keeping in mind we both work from home) he'd have sex once in the morning, once after lunch, once after work, and once or twice before he falls asleep, with me on top every time, lol. Though recently he's been enjoying missionary (thank goodness). It's funny you mention the porn star thing, because just yesterday he showed me a video of a porn star riding some guy and he told me that he wants me to ride him just like that, and he complained, in the nicest way possible, about how I don't move my hips enough, and told me that I should be moving them like that. The issue is I'm a little heavier than that porn star, I'm not fat, not even overweight acccording to my BMI, but I'm not that thin, and riding him like that is very hard on my legs... ANYWAY I am just rambling now... And listening.

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Umm whoa! You DO NOT need to apologize. He was completely out of line, rude, AND abusive to top it off. Don't put up with that at all.

And yeah, I agree with the others, id have packed my bags

I was really hoping he'd realize how ridiculous he was and would apologize today, but I woke up with a self victimizing instant message from him. He demanded an apology FROM ME. LOL. I did threaten to pack my bags this evening, once we finally talked about it.
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You're still with this guy? Um, haven't you listened to what anyone has been telling you about him. He's abusive and uses sex as a weapon and to control you. The only thing you owe him is the sight of the house cleaned of all your possessions and you gone where he can't find you when he gets home.

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I don't understand why you would be with someone who you are so sexually incompatible with. Forget the apology, you need to leave him.

 

I don't know if I'd call it sexual incompatibility, I've been in plenty of relationships where we've had GOOD sex 2 and 3 times a day and it was AWESOME because my lover goes all out and pays attention to me and isn't so focused on himself... relationships where we both focus on each other and want to please the other. I normally have a very strong libido(though I have a hard time reaching orgasm).

 

But with this guy I'm so turned off by him "needing" it all the time without any desire to get me all riled up and turned on. He expects to walk up to me, grab my chest, and stick his meat in me. I honestly feel like he doesn't know how REAL sex actually works, he's been watching too much porn and living in a fantasy world. He does not understand that sex is about give and take and pleasing EACH OTHER, EVERY TIME, not about his insane needs for having an orgasm every 4 hours regardless of his partner being able to get off(or the well being of his partner, for that matter)

 

Sometimes I honestly don't understand why I'm with him either.

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Not sure how we can be helpful to you if you want to stay with this guy.

 

If you want to stick around and be used as this guy's masturbatory device, then what you say or he says doesn't really matter, does it? I can't think of a way to feel 'better' about that.

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Sorry but your boyfriend is a total loser, who not only disrespects you and talks down to you but forces sex upon you *YUCK*.

 

I hate saying this, but it's time to dump that dirt bag and find someone better. No one deserves to be treated like that ever.

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Your boyfriend is a douche and you should stop making excuses for him. He sounds like a sex addict that watches too much porn and expects life to be the same. That's a real problem in some guys that has actually been studied. If he can't agree to something you both want to do, and has the nerve to talk to you like you're some cheap prostitute, you have to show him that cheap prostitutes are the only action he'll be getting with that attitude. Dump that jerk.

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Wow, your boyfriend has a nasty attitude. He shows contempt for you, which has no place in a relationship! And he clearly does not respect you. Your body is a essentially a fleshlight for him -- something he can use to get his rocks off.

 

Also, he is masterful at emotionally manipulating you into sex, regardless of whether you want it or not. Having sex once as day because he wants it 5x a day is not a good reason for being coerced into one-sided sex sessions! He is guilting you daily so you can keep up with his "needs" which are excessive. I agree with whomever said he is a sex addict. He doesn't make love to you. He's running p0rn scripts in his head, acting out scenes with you to blow his load.

 

OP, you deserve better -- but you won't get it until you believe that yourself. He will not change. You cannot talk him into being a more considerate lover who recognizes your value. Leave him and do some reflection on what traits to avoid in a mate.

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This, but also more in your post, is where it really goes wrong. (And I'm meaning you, he is wrong all OVER the place)

 

YOU are upset, you were HURT, but your needs and feelings are less important then somebody getting an orgasm?

(and apparently he gets them loads during the day so it's not like he's missing out on them)

 

So you start pleasing him again?

 

Do you even realise how horribly bad this man is using you for sex?

You are not his girlfriend, you are his playmate.

You are giving him sex because otherwise you know he would bail, and I am certain of this because you place your needs, your body and your overall well being beneath his desire - rather his demand - to get an orgasm.

If he'd love you, he would not even let you do this for him.

 

Leave now and work on your selfesteem, this scenario is not going to end well.

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