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My guy and I dated for 2 years before breaking up, and we are now on the road to reconciliation. The only issue we have right now is that he still has a hard time trusting me. Back in 2012 there was some infidelity between us while we were on a "break" and although we forgive each other and have moved on from that, he can't seem to trust me again and it's really holding us back. I know he wants to trust me, and I know that he can. I have obviously grown up a lot since the incident and I know that it would never happen again for us. I just don't know if there is anything I can do to help him along in trusting me again. Help!

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If you don't have trust - you don't have much of a foundation. Also - review why you went on "break" in the first place before you slept with someone. Maybe that will guide you on whether you should try again as well.

 

I know you were on "break" but often when people are taking a break, it sometimes is for a set time and it is devastating when the other person does not "wait" a little bit during that time apart. Especially if it was so soon to have the appearance of someone waiting in the wings. I am not saying you were right or wrong, but that may be what his mindset is.

 

The answer to your questions is - there is nothing you can do to make him trust you. It has to come from him.

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My guy and I dated for 2 years before breaking up, and we are now on the road to reconciliation. The only issue we have right now is that he still has a hard time trusting me. Back in 2012 there was some infidelity between us while we were on a "break" and although we forgive each other and have moved on from that, he can't seem to trust me again and it's really holding us back. I know he wants to trust me, and I know that he can. I have obviously grown up a lot since the incident and I know that it would never happen again for us. I just don't know if there is anything I can do to help him along in trusting me again. Help!

 

If you were on a break, then you weren't together in a relationship and I"m sorry, if you're not in a relationship then you're free to do whatever you want to do, as you don't have to answer to someone as you would if you were in a relationship. You're either together, working out the issues and not neglecting the relationship or you're apart and neglecting the relationship to do what you want to do.

 

If he can't get over the fact that you did what you were free to do, then he needs to think twice in the future about "taking breaks" because there is no such thing as taking a break. You can't hold someone else hostage and tell them they can't do whatever they want to do when you're not doing what you need to be doing to straighten out and work through issues in the relationship. That is unrealistic.

 

IF he cant' trust you, then there is no good reason to be with you. A relationship without trust is doomed to fail.

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How specifically is his lack of trust playing out here? What behaviors indicate his lack of trust?

 

All you can do is be patient and understanding, but you have to be careful not to cross the line into allowing him to question you unreasonably or intrude in your privacy, because as Kendahke said, if you two were on a break from the relationship you can't call what happened "infidelity". Once you cross that line, neither of you will be happy - for example, if you allow him to go through your phone whenever he likes, he will begin to find what he expects to find, interpreting things the wrong way, feeding his own insecurities. And you will certainly not be happy feeling as though you have to answer for everything you do.

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