I want kids, She doesn't.

[abitbroken]

I think you should beg off of this project with this woman if it is affecting your marriage. Also, cut all non work related contact with her NOW. That means no texting at all - no talk at work about feelings, etc. I think that if your wife feels selfish about her time, it may be that she feels that she will be doing the sole child rearing. Would you ever consider being "Mr. Mom?" - leaving your job after her maternity leave and then going back to work when the child enters preschool? I have a cousin who did that. His wife's job was more stable and lucrative and his work ebbed and flowed. Its the best thing he ever did. He did handle all the after school stuff also and started working from home after child was 6-8 months (but not totally full time) and then went back to work out of the house full time when kindergarten started. Maybe she would change her mind if you were willing to give your time for a year or two.

[Smomez]

Lost - So sorry for your loss. Such wonderful and brilliant companions and members of our family they are. Luckily it sounds like he had a wonderful life right up until the last moment. We really do need to decide if we're going to get past this. I feel like I really want to get over it, but I've been unable to thus far. In one moment I feel like I'll be fine without children, but then in another moment it pulls at me so hard. If it's something I can't get over then yes, better to end it sooner than years down the road.

 

@LadyMing - Exactly. She's not lazy with most other things life but seems convinced she would be a bad and lazy mother. And I've always thought about the issue of leaving her, meeting someone and then not being able to have children with them for some physical reason. But if she knew what was going on with this other woman it would change things entirely. I've done a good job this week of keeping my distance from her. We only work together one day a week and I feel like they days after I see her are the hardest. Sometimes two people just click, but I need to remember that it doesn't mean we belong together romantically. So I'm trying to channel that energy we have into our professional projects and eliminate the personal texting/calling/emailing we engage in. It only confuses our situation and will end badly.

 

 

Thank you again everyone for your insights and advice. It's greatly appreciated.

[Lonewing]

I know of some good friends of my family who went through this, one day his wife basically said "we're having children or I'm getting a divorce and finding someone who will have children." End of story, they had two beautiful daughters who are now grown and post college.

 

The point of the matter is, yes, she's your wife, and you commit to her life and her dreams. That being said, this commitment is a two way street, and there really is NO compromise on this issue - you either have children, or you find someone who will have children, and she may go find someone who does not want to have children to be with her. It's important to you - and even if you become single and alone, you will be happier than you will be if you are with her, old, and without children. Sometimes life is a risk, when you go out on a limb and take these crazy positions knowing they are counter to what your partner wants - she has taken this risk, and now, well, there are consequences to making decisions like this!

 

So put it right down and stick to it - Yes, you love her, and you want nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with her, but you shouldn't be prepared to sacrifice your posterity over her lack of self confidence.

 

Stay far far FAR away from other women, and of course, especially women who are in troubled relationships. You become their crutch, an then you become emotionally involved in something you have nothing to do with. Stay Out!

[Circe]

I hate saying this because, on the one hand, I really do respect how strongly people can feel about children. Nevertheless I agree with LadyMing.