Jump to content

Fiance says shes depressed for no reason. Says it's not me but shows no interest


apdal

Recommended Posts

My fiance and i have been together upcoming on two years now. Things have always been great we have no issues. No real problems or fights or anything like that. I've noticed the last couple months that she has been acting different. Just a neutral care towards life and a huge difference in how she acts towards me. Car rides have been dead silent, she doesn't like to be touched anymore, the simple things like hugging and kissing, cuddling at night. She gets very agitated if I try. And sex has gone from a regular couple times a week to twice in the last two months. We don't have sex unless she comes home drunk. I confronted her the other day because i was very concerned since I've noticed all this behavior out of nowhere, especially since the engagement ring has now come off. "it hurts my finger now", but it didn't before. Anyway she admitted when i confronted her she is depressed and doesn't know why. Promises it's not me and loves me, but doesn't know how it will effect our future because she doesn't want to hurt me and bring me down to her level. Now we're talking about taking a "break". But she loves me and doesn't want to lose me? I have no idea how to deal with this. There was nothing that led up to it and I'm just in shock and don't know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From what you describe, it does sound like depression and no, it probably has nothing to do with you or your relationship. Apathy and loss of interest in absolutely everything is a pretty classic symptom of depression. The more important question is does she have a history of that and what is she doing about getting help or treatment for it?

 

Aside from talking to her about it and being patient and supportive, there is not much you can do for her. She may need to see a psychiatrist and get on medication. Again, does she have a history of this? Depression itself is not a problem, but how it's being handled might be. If she is taking active steps to bring it under control, great. If she is just letting herself sink, you might have to rethink marriage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From what you describe, it does sound like depression and no, it probably has nothing to do with you or your relationship. Apathy and loss of interest in absolutely everything is a pretty classic symptom of depression. The more important question is does she have a history of that and what is she doing about getting help or treatment for it?

 

Aside from talking to her about it and being patient and supportive, there is not much you can do for her. She may need to see a psychiatrist and get on medication. Again, does she have a history of this? Depression itself is not a problem, but how it's being handled might be. If she is taking active steps to bring it under control, great. If she is just letting herself sink, you might have to rethink marriage.

 

Unfortunately yes she has a history. She told me that this happens to her about once a year and it always lasts a few months. It happened last year too. She said usually it just goes away, but this time it hasn't. She has no intention of getting professional help. If i were to attempt to suggest it she would probably be very offended.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unfortunately yes she has a history. She told me that this happens to her about once a year and it always lasts a few months. It happened last year too. She said usually it just goes away, but this time it hasn't. She has no intention of getting professional help. If i were to attempt to suggest it she would probably be very offended.

 

This is concerning. At one point or another it won't fix itself. It sounds like her depression is brought on by a chemical imbalance - meaning there is no life event or psychological issue that triggers it. It just happens, quite literally. This is something that needs to be addressed before you get married and find yourself filing for divorce in a couple of years. Offended or not, that's something that has to be discussed. You can't have a marriage with someone who will drop off the face of the planet for several months a year, abandon everything and then expect to return like nothing happened. Also, untreated, the situation may become more severe and acute with time, age, kids, etc. All issues to seriously consider and understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she's clinically depressed, there IS no reason. "I don't know why" is a perfectly valid response.

 

The "reason", if you must have one, is there is a chemical imbalance in her brain which is causing her to lose interest in things she naturally enjoys. It is common for depression to be amplified during the winter months, especially if you're stuck indoors.

 

If you're too afraid to suggest professional help to at least get to the root of the matter, then I suggest leaving her if you can't put up with it because it's something you're going to be dealing with off and on for life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All you can really do is be patient and understanding, depression is flat out awful, and no it definitely has nothing to do with you and is not your fault. There's no way you can "fix" her but you can be there for her. She really does need professional help, I suffered from depression for a good decade and it'd be almost impossible to get out of by yourself.

 

Check out this video for a good idea what she's going through, it may help you understand what she's going through and how you can help.

 

[video=youtube;XiCrniLQGYc]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She told me that this happens to her about once a year and it always lasts a few months. It happened last year too.

 

It could be seasonal, and there are treatments. If she's unwilling to seek treatment even considering the impacts on you, then you could be doing her a favor by walking away--it could prompt her to reconsider getting the help she needs.

 

You can't help her in any other way than to do whatever it takes to move her in the direction of professional help. There's no way to 'cheer up' depression, it's a medical condition.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...