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Sexuality ethics crisis!!!


puppyturtle

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Im female and I've always identified as heterosexual, mostly because that's just what I was always brought up believing I should want and until about a year and a half ago I neve actually felt any form of attraction sexual or not and the first (and only thus far) person I was attracted to was male. My problem is that after the multiple failures I've had with males in relationships and the ones I've seen, I've been curious about dating a female, but I'm not sure if I am capable of feeling that form of attraction for a female, so is it wrong of me to do that? "Experiment" as it were?

 

Any opinions are welcome,please and thank you x

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My problem is that after the multiple failures I've had with males in relationships and the ones I've seen, I've been curious about dating a female, but I'm not sure if I am capable of feeling that form of attraction for a female,

 

this does kind of read like you only want to experiment darling because of the bad experiences with men , I wonder if you are trying to go down this road for the wrong reasons .

but being bi curious is not a big deal and many go through this , as long as you are open and honest .

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As Dan Savage has pointed out many times over the years, women's sexuality tends to be more "fluid" than men's. It can drift between heterosexuality/bisexuality/homosexuality as the years go by, depending on the person.

 

So I agree with Victoria66 - it is totally fine to pursue this feeling, as long as you tell the other woman that you are merely at the "curious" stage right now, and not sure of your feelings. Just be prepared for some women to reject you, and some to even be insulted. Same as heterosexual dating, really.

 

But if you try hard enough, I'm sure you can find a bisexual/lesbian who is willing to handhold you through the process and will still be ok if you decide that pursuing this avenue isn't your cup of tea after all. Just be as careful, honest, and respectful as you would be dating a man.

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You are ONLY 17...and only became attracted to ANYONE a year and a half ago? Seems normal to me. And you are only attracted to men? Seems heterosexual to me. And you had a couple of bad experiences with guys (at 17?) join the club.....lol And you want to 'experiment' with a woman...even tho you are not attracted to them? Why do something that is not 'your basic man/woman' just because a few guys let you down....it's like going out with a guy...even tho you are not attracted to them.

 

I would say WAIT!!! Find a man/woman that you actually are attracted to and they are to you! I had a male cousin who didn't date until he was almost 40. I would have SWORN he was gay. Met a woman, got married and are raising a child...oh yeah...she was 40 and living at HOME! lol

 

Just remember...you are 17 and just entering into your sexual persona....whatever that may be. ONLY be with someone you are attracted to/friends with/can see yourself kissing and eventually having sex with.

 

Also, what do you see yourself in ...as in your future. Did you picture it with a guy, kids and a house with white picket fence. Don't let a few jerky guys ruin it for you! And believe me....at your age...guys can be difficult. HELL DATING AT ANY AGE IS DIFFICULT...especially AT 17!!!

 

(oh...btw....girls can be just as difficult/emotional as guys! lol)

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women's sexuality tends to be more "fluid" than men's.

 

/QUOTE]

 

heheheh.....mine was NEVER fluid in the least. I don't understand why women's sexuality would differ from a mans!!! In the OLD days you only heard of MEN being homosexual....it seems as if it's only become 'common' for women in the past 20 years!!! But my opinion stands....date ONLY who you are attracted to...NOT because some man has disappointed you......

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You are 17.. which YES means all the boys you have dated are most likely not the right fit for you. I'm 23, and at 17 I thought I knew everything about relationships. But honestly a 17 year old girls only knows everything that a relationship is supposed to be and not the reality of how one actually plays out. And a 17 year old boy is brought up to look at women as sexual objects, whether they identity with that or not, it's still deep in the subconsciously (like 95% anyways). So obviously at that age you are going to bump heads in your relationships. Your going to keep wanting and wanting because that's how things are "supposed to be".. and your boyfriends are just going to want to be with their friends more. It's just how it is. You will grow up, and you will figure it all out. But honestly trying to date a girl won't fix things. I'm bisexual, so I've dated some girls, and honestly gay people cheat more I find lol. It's strange but kinda true... I've been very sexually objectified by lesbians just as much as men. However, I'm all for experimenting. Go experiment with girls, but don't be as bad as the boys and say you're going to date them and make one fall in love with you just so you end up realizing you aren't gay. Go have fun, don't get serious with one until you know.

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I dont know ND ... Mine was never that fluid too. But I guess i can see it because an old roommate of mine said she didnt change her sexual orientation until she let herself fall in love with a woman. So I guess it just depends on the person.

 

But I have never had that curiosity to test and will never because I like men.

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Ok - Is it wrong. In your case - yes - but let me explain.... You wonder IF you can be attracted to a female. And you say that you have not had luck with men. If you were gay or bi, you would be VERY attracted to women and also desire sexual contact and closeness as well as think of a woman as who you would crave an ultimate partnership. It is not something that you are "well, i have had little luck with men, so I will give gals a whirl."

 

When i was in my teens and early 20s, I had little luck with men - i was not attracted to the guys the other girls swooned over. I was too busy being involved with my hobbies. But i wasn't attracted to women either. I wondered "if guys don't like me - does that mean I am gay and don't know it?" I found that I was a late bloomer and suddenly a few years later I was VERY interested in men. Then I had relationships. And i had some bad ones. I now am in a good one. Despite what your friends may do or what tv shows, it is perfectly normal if a young lady really doesn't find her grove with being head over heels for a man or having strong sexual feelings until your age or even into her early 20s.

 

Honestly, if you told us that you have always desired women - it wouldn't matter what your upbringing was. Even if you chose a man you would still strongly secretly desire a woman.

 

Also, btw i have a lower sex drive. Sleep, good food, more plenty of sleep, diet changes and some help with special lubes is turning that around for me. I know i am not gay - just have a lower sex drive because i still emotionally desire to be with a man - and when everything lines up physically - i am very sexual.

 

Anyway - what i am saying is that just because the men you have been with didn't thrill you doesn't mean you are automatically gay. Just give yourself time to mature, continue to focus on other parts of you and it will come in time.

I didn't kiss a guy until my early 20s - and i never looked back...

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Full blown serial dating? About four, there's also been alot of boys who ask me out and try and force me to have sex with them, or they already have girlfriends and then the girlfriends take the fact their boyfriend's are cheating jerks on me. With the ones I've dated, it always just ended badly, they've ended up just screwing with me and being horrible. All the males who show interest in me don't actually care about me as a person, they only want intercourse or to have me there to show to their friends. Once a guy asked me out and I said no because I was already going out with someone and they said to go out with them anyways. Another boy offered me drugs to sleep with him. It's really not instilling confidence, worse they aren't all just my age, a few are in their twenties and they still act like that.

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As long as you're very clear about yourself and don't lie about your feelings. (Seriously, don't be that girl, they're incredibly annoying. ) You might attract some women trying to turn you, but nobody will really put up with half a relationship, or worse, a reluctant lover for very long.

 

 

Ultimately though, going to women because dating men has not gone well for you, is not a good look. And I really think you need to be a bit clearer with yourself - do you honestly think you would do better in a relationship with a woman? Do you have some idea that women are just better behaved (not true), or do you think that you want some attention but don't want to have to deal with men to get it.

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I agree with abitbroken here, you are going down this path for the wrong reasons it seems.

 

I think you need to step back and evaluate the males you have been involved and figure out the common flaw or flaws they have. I think given your problems in the dating realm you are looking for ANY relationship for the sake of having a relationship rather than the meaningful experience behind one.

 

I suggest that you just take some time off dating and work on making yourself happy. Why subject someone to a farce of a relationship, which would mean you are doing the same to someone else that has happened to you.

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It sounds like you need a crash course in boundaries. You do NOT have to go out with every guy who asks you. Say no to guy who have girlfriends. Tell a guy who asks you out that you would like to get to know him better first. If you are in high school, that could mean talking on the phone or going to the same school event but leaving separately with friends. No one can force you to have sex if you don't go somewhere alone with them. If the guy doesn't want to get to know you better, then move on. At that age, a lot of guys are immature and don't have everything figured out yet either. Just keep saying "no" and concentrating on academics and you might meet a nice guy who has a common interest with you and wants to know you as "friend first." Or is not interested to date you - but gives you a chance to have a good friendship with a guy.

 

Also, I think if guys are offering drugs for sex, you are hanging with the wrong crowd. Is there another group you can get involved with - clubs, etc? If you meet a group of people that are involved in charity work or community service or maybe a competitive sport that they are serious about and you are too, you will have more opportunties to make healthy friendships.

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btw, i found a lot of guys were either slimey, friend of my brother so therefore too much like family or just not interesting when I was 17, but when I hit 22, i met TONS of interesting guys who had a good head on their shoulders and who were interested in me as a person even if they were not wanting to date me. Maybe their hormones settled down at 20-22 or maybe i was just in more activities that i cared about and met more guys who were serious about their career, or school or whatever. Don't give up. Just keep your standards high adn when the time comes, you will meet someone.

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I don't know they have girlfriends or else I'd have broken their noses for being disgusting cheating pigs. I'm at university. I don't go out with every boy who asks me out, if I see no possibility of me ever liking them then I don't want to waste either of our times and I always start talking to them over text, Facebook or games, most of the time that makes it easy to decide whether they're poor in character, but sometimes there are people who are so used to playing others that they can sound like good people and turn out to be jerks who molest or try to rape you.

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The thing is that I really can see myself being with a woman and loving her with all my heart, I'm just scared about being wrong. I'm scared that if I am wrong then she'll think what everyone else seems to, that it's an attention thing, that it's just some whim that I've come up with, I've seen the possibility for a while, the screw ups with guys just make me want to try more because although I know there are awful girls out there, all of my friends have had bad girlfriends (except for like four ppl who are hetero females) but I've also seen that girlfriends are kinder and more understanding and there isn't the constant pushing for sex or the uncomfortable misunderstandings that come from the difference in gender. I see my gay girl friends and they're in the happiest relationships I've seen.

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I don't know they have girlfriends or else I'd have broken their noses for being disgusting cheating pigs. I'm at university. I don't go out with every boy who asks me out, if I see no possibility of me ever liking them then I don't want to waste either of our times and I always start talking to them over text, Facebook or games, most of the time that makes it easy to decide whether they're poor in character, but sometimes there are people who are so used to playing others that they can sound like good people and turn out to be jerks who molest or try to rape you.

 

I don't understand how all these guys are trying to molest or rape you. Are you insisting on meeting them in public, doing group outing and not allowing yourself to be alone at night with them for a few months to get to know them? Normally, things don't go from Facebook chat to trying to touch you. Also, are you seeing any time a guy makes a move - it is molestation? (ie, you are dating a guy for a few weeks and he gets up the nerve to go in for a kiss?) Or are these guys grabbing you in a hallway and forcing themselves? I think it involves better boundaries for you and maybe instead of meeting on Facebook or Facebooking, maybe you should try talking to guys you have classes with in person and seeing where things progress - guy you see around a lot and get an idea of their character?? Not everyone is playing everyone

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