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What should I do with a guy that, as I found out, cheats on his fianceé?


Karmacoma

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[Excuse my English, but it'd be better if I wrote this in foreign language rather than my own, and I thought this could be a good place to do this, so please try to 'overlook' any grammar and spelling mistakes]

So I met this very handsome guy who wouldn't give me a very good clue about his private life, but I wasn't really helpful in that matter either. I like to upset my mom, who thinks I will never find my soulmate. First, there was a date with coffee and after some time, on second date, there was some 'hot action' but we hadn't get closer, because I didn't want to give him all I have in stock. I checked him out, because I decided that I don't want to play with guy whom I know nothing of. I was quite enthusiastic to know his whereabouts better, because despite his best efforts, I'm able to make sure I know someone's last name. But my enthusiasm deflated in the moment I found out (and it was quite cleverly hidden) that there's a woman with a ring on her finger in his life. And no, there's no mistake, he made it quite clear in certain circles that this is his fianceé. I wasn't really hurt, because I wanted him to be just my 'playmate', because I haven't been with a guy in quite a long time, but I was extremely dissappointed, there's no better word for this - I never wanted to steal someone's man. And now, main topic: what should I do? Should I meet him again and collect more 'evidence' for this woman and show her whom she wants to marry? I'm really mad that he made me this woman and I want to teach him a lesson. Or should I just drop this and live with it and think about her being oblivious to the fact that her hubby is a cheater? Because I'm sure as hell it's not an 'open' relationship, he wouldn't be so secretive about himself. What do I do? Would you want another woman to show you that 'the sweetheart you married isn't the husband you expected him to be'?

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I personally would want to know but I don't recommend you get any more involved with him. If you can find her on facebook, you could post a link in a message to her to his dating profile if you met him online or if you have email evidence etc

 

But you should cut contact with him now

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First of all you are the one who wanted to have him as your "playmate".

So using another human being as a "toy" a toy who is somebody s fiance I don t think that put you in a postition to teach him or anybody else a moral lesson. I think it is not your business, what people are doing with their relationships, so you should stay out.

If you want to be a better person, and show an example, just stop playing with anybody, you think using somebody is better than cheating on your fiance???? Just mind your own business, I am sure you have plenty to learn, your last concern should be to teach somebody else a lessons.

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Did I give an impression that I was interested in him because I perfectly knew that he was engaged? I didn't know that at first, and I don't think nowadays it's so uncommon for people to meet because they simply want to have sex without relationship - but before that I had no idea he's engaged and I'm very not okay with him lying to me and to the other woman. Maybe it's not my business, but I can't stand the thought he would just get away with this.

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Just walk away and let it be

 

 

There is a huge chance that if you did gather your evidence she wont believe you anyway ...believe it or not some men and women turn a blind eye , you would be suprised .

Besides which it actually means continuing to have an affair with him just to prove he is having one ...and now that is really dabbling in someone life .

 

Life will bite him on the ass without your help , so cut contact and walk away .

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It's not your business. It is your choice. It isn't a decision to make lightly. It's not necessarily going to pan out the way you think it will.

I know, it's not, but he, too, should be aware of what can happen if you decide to do cheat on someone. And, yes, I'm concerned about how it would turn out if I'd took any action, that's why I'm considering my options.

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I know, it's not, but he, too, should be aware of what can happen if you decide to do cheat on someone

 

but he does ..he is well aware of what he is doing ..and it is not your " job " to enlighten him on his misgivings , it is your job to walk away , never give him a second thought , meet someone else and leave his life to him because sooner or later he will mess up on his own .

 

also take into consideration that you may end up looking like the bitter , angry affair woman who shouldn't be doing what you are doing ( I know you didn't know)

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Trust me, teaching this guy a lesson, won t wake up your karma from coma, and won t help you to find your soul mate, karma just doesn t work that way. But doing something else like minding your own business, and working on feeling/getting better might help you and your karma.

And I know that people are using each other for sex/or other reasons every day, but just because it is a common thing, doesn t make it right.

Again, what you find out about others it is not your business, what you find out about yourself is what you should care about! You found out that your "sex toy" is enganged, so if you don t want to toy with him, because of this, just move on, the rest is not your business.

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I don't understand why it took you 3 dates to ascertain that he was taken. Did you not ask him if he was involved with someone else when you initially met him, before you went out on your first date? No kidding you weren't helpful in that matter.

 

Seems to me you played the dumb role for as long as it suited you and because you didn't do your due dilligence before meeting him for coffee; now, you want to act bitter and salt and scorch his earth. You look vindictive. This has nothing to do with his fiancee and everything to do with the fact that you're mad that your sexual drought is going to continue because you weren't going to be having sex with this playmate you were lining up.

 

He didn't make you any kind of woman other than what/who you already were. Enough of the overwrought drama already.

 

As far as the reason you're trying to construct for blowing up his and her life: nothing happened. Even if you were able to get next to his fiancee, she's not going to believe you--he will paint you as a crazy woman who took a nice conversation at a coffee shop and turned it into a full blown love affair and you won't leave him alone. Now, you're stalking his fiancee because you want to break them up and have him for yourself. That's how it's going to be painted and that is what she will buy because she doesn't know you and your behavior is already suspect.

 

Leave them alone and quit stalking.

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I never wanted to steal someone's man.

 

Then don't. Drop him like yesterdays bad fish, tell him, "Smell ya later D-bag" and go NC. I'm not opposed to the idea of you sending an anonymous note/text/email to the fiance, "Hi, sorry I was taken out to dinner and wooed by your guy, didn't know he was taken, now I do. Kicking him to the curb, suggest you do the same." After that go full-on NC. Yeah, maybe she'll just delete the communication and choose to believe his stories. Or maybe you'll be the one who gives her a heads up that all isn't well with this jerk she's marrying before she spends alot of money and self-esteem on someone who isn't worth it. Beyond that no, and don't meet with him again or he'll just tell you some BS story that you might choose to believe instead. You don't have to get nasty about it all, just never see him again and send her a friendly anonymous warning. End of story, move on.

 

If I were her I would want to at least know and I know I'm in the minority here, but don't care. It's not you teaching him a lesson, it's giving a sister a heads up that her guy is a cheater.

 

Also lesson to learn, don't let looks dazzle you. If they're secretive about themselves it always means they're hiding something big, give these sorts a pass the first time you sense something is wrong or off.

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I know this is very upsetting... and think it is OK to give him a piece of your mind if you really feel like it, but do it in a phone call or email rather than seeing him.

 

And you hardly know this guy and don't know his fiancé at all, so I'd let that drop. Guys like this will just tell their fiancé you are some crazy woman or a stalker or someone who is trying to break them up so that you can have him. she has a long history with her fiancé and is invested in him, and she doesn't know you from Adam and will WANT to believe him and not you.

 

Cheaters like this are usually pretty slick and have a cover story all set up to cover up if you try to expose them, or feel confident they can manipulate their fiancé into believing themselves and not the other woman if she tries to rat him out.

 

So let him go... you got slimed, but you should crawl out of the slime pool as soon as possible and go clean yourself up and forget about this guy. You can't teach guys like this a lesson... all they do is learn how to get better and better at covering up and doing damage control if you do, and you certainly don't need all the drama of his fiancé calling your crazy or a liar or shooting the messenger because she doesn't want to hear the news.

 

Almost everyone encounters at least one dishonest liar/cheater like this who is living a double life, and the best advice is to run as far and fast away from them as you can Just be glad you found out now rather than getting really emotionally involved with him first.

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Would you want another woman to show you that 'the sweetheart you married isn't the husband you expected him to be'?

 

Definitely...and I would let any woman in a similar situation know. I don't care what happens from then on...if I know something that can potentially ruin someone's life, I'm going to speak up.

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