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When will you be able to go full NC


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1) When you've tried everything else and came to the point when there was no alternative. You just don't want contact anymore.

 

2) When you start loving yourself more than your ex. When you let go of the obsession with your ex, realise that you are the most important person in your life and only you can make yourself feel better.

 

3) When you really start wanting to heal and get over them

 

I've tried to do it so many times, always failed because I would end up not necessarily talking to him but looking at his profiles online. Eventually I got to the point where I saw photos of him and the girl who he is with now. It made me feel so awful again, like experiencing a break-up second time. I was so upset and anxious, my lower lip was twitching quite painfully for two days lol. And I consider myself a healthy person.

 

I think I looked at his media because it is some kind of security blanket: he is still here. Secondly, as awful as it sounds I wanted to see how his new relationship would develop. I was never cheated on so I needed confirmation and I got it through facebook. I still have urges to look him up but now I'm able to stop myself and I do not want to look him anymore.

 

What made you finally go NC? Was it after many failed attempts?

 

By the way, wanted to add, when you contact your ex, he/she feels super important, like they are so great, you can't get over them. It is sadistic but it gives them satisfaction, even if they would never admit it and probably don't realise themselves. Don't waste your energy on delivering them this satisfaction.

Sometimes I wish I went NC just after BU, but I guess I needed to learn this the hard way.

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The same happened to me. One day I realised that I did everything I could to get him back, there were no words or actions that would have made him change his mind.

And I felt what you described. Everytime I talked to him, being that weak and needy, I made him feel better. I know he is not a horrible person, but I know that he enjoyed in a way. Knowing the effect he had on me.

 

And I broke nc in the past so many times... Like you, I wish I went nc right after the breakup and not waiting 3 months. But at the same time, I don't regret it. I did what I needed to do. I made mistakes but those mistakes were the ones that made me learn what I needed.

 

I totally understand when I see people here saying how bad they felt because they broke NC because they couldn't help it. It doesn't matter how much you read about how is the best way to heal, you sometimes need to make a few mistakes to learn.

 

So, after 4 months, I still have hard days. But I would never break nc in this point. NEVER. I learnt a few things (:

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I guess it's easier for those who get cheated and dumped for someone else. In my case I didn't had to go through all those phases, NC was almost a must! I just had a few talks with her trying to understand how and why things happenned. And to make sure she was completely out of love with me and immensely infatuated for the other guy.

 

EDIT:

 

(...)

 

By the way, wanted to add, when you contact your ex, he/she feels super important, like they are so great, you can't get over them. It is sadistic but it gives them satisfaction, even if they would never admit it and probably don't realise themselves. Don't waste your energy on delivering them this satisfaction.

(...)

 

I agree. But there's a type of situation/reaction from the Ex that can be worse for the dumpee. That is realising that although you don't contact them, they don't miss you a bit, they don't care about you, they are super happy. So the dumpee should go NC strictly for himself and not hopping that it will cause some type of payback to the Ex.

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I kept in contact with my ex (2-3 short text conversations) for the first month.

 

Quite a bit of that was out of denial. She reached out to me and I'd eagerly respond because I had hope. I never pushed or tried to keep the conversation going...I just tried to respond in a happy, friendly way and let her keep talking if she wanted to. Big mistake, because it held back my healing and probably made me look pathetic.

 

As I was continuing to go through the grieving process, I maintained very limited by friendly contact until after a mutual friend's wedding - while I'm sure my friends would've understood, I didn't want people feeling like they had to pick sides.

 

I've been NC since, nearly 4 months.

 

I've only REALLY started healing now - I set myself back big time.

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When my ex threatened to contact the police for harassment if I contacted her again even though I was responding to an email that she sent. O_O In a way, I am kind of laughing about this. It's a bit sad that it's come to this and that she feels the need to threaten me like that. Oh well.

 

I was never able to contact her via other means besides email anyway.

 

And another thing, this is probably for the best.

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I agree 100% with Lucha...I'm in the same boat! Will never break no contact again....

 

Hugs to you LiLi. I dont know about you, but I'm beating myself up thinking about all the things I could've done differently and if she would still be with me if I did. I love her so much, but the person that loved me back has died. She is a different person now.

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You guys should all be aware that No Contact means cutting off your ex's means of contacting YOU.

 

THEIR contacting you with casual breadcrumbs is very damaging to your healing.

 

That means blocking them on Facebook and all social medial sites you use. It means blocking them on your email or cell phones -- and if you can't block them, changing your email addresses and cell phone numbers.

 

Remember: IF your ex ever wants to get back together, they'll find a way to let you know -- it doesn't matter if you've blocked them on Facebook or Gmail.... they'll let you know!

 

Just a friendly reminder.

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