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My Boyfriend Wants to End Our Relationship Over Something So Petty


Buttercup

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My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. We had a very loving and passionate relationship. A few weeks after Thanksgiving he became distant. Normally, he would say he loved me every morning before going to work and kissing me goodbye. That stopped. He has always had problems communicating. I think I may have said or did something to upset him which just festered. Two weeks ago he went on a business trip to Las Vegas. I told him I thought it would be fun for me to go and he said that it was strictly business. I decided at the last minute to go for fun. He left on a Tuesday/came back Thursday. I left on a Wednesday/came back Friday. I should have told him I was going before he left but I didn't. I asked an employee/friend of ours to watch our house and pets one night. Well, all hell broke loose. My friend, somehow broke a pipe which was used to give our horses water. The well water we use in the barn is also the same well water our 86 year old neighbor uses. When he woke up, it was drained. My boyfriend, who was also sick on this trip, had to come home and fix this broken pipe. When I got home Friday, I received a text from him asking me if I had everything I needed from the house. I called him and, obviously was extremely angry. He could not believe I went to Vegas, invited an employee to our house, had to fix the broken pipe, then blame me for something work related that really was not my fault. He told me he was done and to be out of the house by the time he came home. I stayed because he would not give me a chance to apologize. When he got home, he was infuriated I was still there. He told me to leave. He said employees told him they warned me not to go or else it would end our relationship. Then he said me going DID end our relationship. First of all, I told one employee and they never said anything like that. I told him how sorry I was and that I made the worst mistake of my life and he said it didn't matter. He repeatedly told me to leave HIS house. Because he was so angry, I left hoping he would calm down enough where we could talk. Tuesday I came home. He asked me to leave again. I said that I wasn't going to leave because this was my home, too. He yelled and said this was HIS house, he pays the rent and I was living with him. I explained even though I don't pay rent I contribute in other ways. I told him I had been acting cowardly and submissive and that I realized I was much stronger than that. He then threatened to file a no contact order. An hour later he said he would not be mean and would not file a no contact order. Last Friday, he was verbally abusive and told me all my friends are now against me. I burned too many bridges and he could no longer stand to be in the same room with me and that he was giving me a few more days. I'm assuming to get everything out of the house. I avoided him all weekend. I have also contacted a lawyer for legal advise. We live in a house that is leased and only in his name. I, for some reason, never signed. I did find out last week the lease expired last July. I just can't believe he is wanting to end our relationship over this. I am still deeply in love with him and want to work this out. Am I just in denial?? I also do not want to walk away from our home. I need advise, please.

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This sounds like more than one issue... this issue sounds like the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Right now he doesn't want to talk. You can't make someone talk as they will only resent you more.

 

If your name isn't on anything then why not just leave? Do you have friends you can stay with or family? Sounds like he needs some space.

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I'm so sorry to hear this. Similar to my situation, but my ex let his mom pack all of my stuff and kicked me out. My experience is that if you just keeps on coming back to the house because you have so much memories with it, it will torture you and kill you emotionally. If someone doesn't want you there, please leave. I've been through the same thing, sticking around isn't going to do any good, it will only make matter worse, not for him, but for you, your self esteem.

 

Accept that he doesn't love and want you anymore. You have to take this in, don't call him, don't beg him. Please move forward, I know the feelings are really hard, you're going to break down, try to talk to him, etc, but I've done all of these and none of it worked.

 

Also recognize that if a man loves you, he won't do this to you. And if he does, he better realize it within in a week or two, take you back right away, and discuss this matter with you.

 

Here he does't even want to talk to about it. Be thankful, at least he's direct and straight forward with what he wants. My ex played the passive aggressive behavior where he "didn't" want to hurt me, so he let his mom do all the work by kicking me out.

 

This is going to pain you quite a lot, and it's going to alter your emotions, and it's going to take couple months to straighten things out, not with him, but with yourself. The fastest way to do this is to stay away from him. In fact, when you get your stuff, ask a friend to come and get them with you, or ask your friends to move them for you.

 

I'm so sad to hear this story, because I could relate so closely to this.

 

Started out with well, we loved each other, did everything together, then he started acting distant, and then all of the sudden, changed his behavior over night.

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It is best to go. Leave him calm down and if he wants to work things out he will contact you. The worst thing you can do now is beg or plead with him. That will make him feel in control and he will drag this out longer if he thinks your sitting around pining for him and waiting. Act like your moving on and if he really loves you and wants to be with you-he will come to you.

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As for the fight....definitely seems like you've been having major issues and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. As for you calling this your home - it's not. It's a rented property - neither yours nor his. So get this whole "my home" idea out of your head.

 

Bottom line is that he wanted space, you forced yourself on him. He asked you to leave, you forced yourself further. You need to step back and give him space. I doubt it will do more than save you some dignity, but at least you will have that. You can't make him want you and the more you push, the more violently people push back.

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It was either the last straw - or he was waiting for an excuse. If he was acting distant, he may have felt unable to broach the situation until you did something to make him angry.

 

And guilt on his end could definitely fuel the seemingly excessive degree of his anger. He probably knows he should have spoken sooner and under better circumstances.

 

It does sound like he's made a firm decision though. I'm sorry if it hurts, but your best leaving him to his own devices - not giving him more fuel for his raging. Gather the scraps of pride he's left you with and leave with as much dignity as you can muster.

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This does not sound like petty reason to me. You blatantly disregarded his wishes at least three times just in this post and I'm sure this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. You need to respect his boundaries. He pays for the lease and so he has the right to ask you to leave. Get your things and move on.

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I think this is a much bigger issue than we will be able to help with on here, but we can try.

 

Like others have said above, it defintely wasn't this one issue that caused the end of the relationship. This is the last straw and he finally snapped. Something made him resent you or fall out of love or act distant - only you and him can figure that out. We have no idea.

 

As for the house - it's hard to say. If the lease is in his name and he pays rent, then yes, it is his house and not yours. However, you say you contribute in different ways. What is the whole situation here? How old are you guys? Do you have kids? When did you move in together? What do you pay for? Are you working?

 

I don't think there is any way you can stay in the house, since it's not in your name and you don't pay rent. But you two might be considered common law and there might need to be splitting of assets and all that stuff.

 

I don't think you should just let this go. Unfortunately, it seems like the relationship is over. However, after 4 years, you deserve a better explanation than "Get out of my house". That is not the adult way to go about things. Let him calm down, but you both need to sit down and talk about whatever happened between you.

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This is not YOUR or OUR home in any way.

I hope you realize that.

Just being his GF (notice I didnt' say wife?) is not enough to offer you entitliement to HIS proptery.

You *may* be common-law, but I doubt it as it seems he's done all he can to keep this property in his name, etc.

(If you had kids that would change the issue of course, but you didn't mention them so I'm assuming you don't.)

I swear,Vegas changes people, lol.

Whatever you had going on in your life the second you get back from Vegas you want more, more, more.

My friend met a guy who'd been with a girl for 4 years & he dumped his girlfriend (of 4 years) after returning home.

It was like Vegas helped him make the decision he'd been wanting to make.

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I don't think you should just let this go. Unfortunately, it seems like the relationship is over. However, after 4 years, you deserve a better explanation than "Get out of my house". That is not the adult way to go about things. Let him calm down, but you both need to sit down and talk about whatever happened between you.

 

What is there to have a discussion about? The OP gave quite a lucid explanation of everything that has happened, so I'm having trouble figuring out what more you think there is to talk about. If you think he owes her the opportunity to cry, plead, and badger him, you're wrong. "Get out of my house", is all she really needed, as she knows exactly why.

 

Whatever you had going on in your life the second you get back from Vegas you want more, more, more.

 

Only if you party like a complete wuss. I don't know anyone who can last longer than 2-3 days in Vegas, and we are counting the minutes until the flight leaves by day 3. I always say I'm never going back, but some dumb reason always brings me back for a couple days..kinda like jail.

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There is no way to classify this as petty.

He had a business trip and you asked to go...he said no.

Apparently it is winter where you are...and you decided to go anyway.

Leaving animals and your property....for someone to watch over.

Essentially giving an employee access to HIS house.

 

You have no legal standing here. You are not on the lease nor can show payments toward rent.

Best to move out and let him calm down.

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You're in denial. You've killed your relationship. No one to blame but you, hon.

 

Get your things and leave the house. Don't make a bad situation worse by being puffed up with bravado. It's not your house, too. Your name is not on anything there. Contributing is not you having a bill in your name. He's the legal occupant of the property and because of what you did, the landlord can sue him for the damaged pipe and evict him for destruction to the property done by someone who had no business being there in the first place. Do you not get that?

 

If he really wanted to, he could (and really should) have you arrested for trespassing for showing up making a scene.

 

The fact that you gave an employee access to his property and that person destroyed something that your boyfriend ---not you--- had to fix because you weren't there making sure things weren't getting destroyed by people who had no business being there is somehow escaping you. You don't seem to give a whit about how serious what you did is.

 

You were grown enough to do what you did, be grown enough to take your butt whippin' for it.

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He had already started to become distant around Thanksgiving … that was really the beginning of the end. You just gave him the excuse he needed to end it.

 

OP's original post ambiguously states she might have done something to cause that.

One can only wonder since she thinks this "episode" is "petty".

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This is not YOUR or OUR home in any way.

I hope you realize that.

Just being his GF (notice I didnt' say wife?) is not enough to offer you entitliement to HIS proptery.

You *may* be common-law, but I doubt it as it seems he's done all he can to keep this property in his name, etc.

(If you had kids that would change the issue of course, but you didn't mention them so I'm assuming you don't.)

I swear,Vegas changes people, lol.

Whatever you had going on in your life the second you get back from Vegas you want more, more, more.

My friend met a guy who'd been with a girl for 4 years & he dumped his girlfriend (of 4 years) after returning home.

It was like Vegas helped him make the decision he'd been wanting to make.

 

Or he did something in vegas and took the cowards way out because of guilt instead of owning up to whatever he did and facing the consequences.

 

Plenty of men dump their gf coz they cheated and cant handle the blow out when she finds out so they run away like a little boy

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Or he did something in vegas and took the cowards way out because of guilt instead of owning up to whatever he did and facing the consequences.

 

Plenty of men dump their gf coz they cheated and cant handle the blow out when she finds out so they run away like a little boy

 

There is nothing in her post that remotely even hints that he has cheated. He's angry because she blatantly disrespected him telling her not to go to Las Vegas, and then he had to cut a business trip early. He has every right to be annoyed by that, and if he already wasn't feeling this relationship, that's grounds to call it quits in my opinion.

 

You seem to have a very interesting obsession with cheating men.

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Or he did something in vegas and took the cowards way out because of guilt instead of owning up to whatever he did and facing the consequences.

 

Plenty of men dump their gf coz they cheated and cant handle the blow out when she finds out so they run away like a little boy

 

 

 

did you read what happened or do you assume when something goes wrong that someone cheated?

 

he went on a business trip he came back sick.. she left the house and something happened...because she didnt listen..

 

 

you need to relax with assuming everyone is a cheater

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He was already pulling away. Then you follow him out to Vegas, without telling him, I assume. So when he comes back to find his proerty destroyed, he also finds out that you seem to have stalked him on his business trip, or even worse...

 

Pick up some dignity, get your things and find somewhere else to live.

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I just dumped someone in part because they showed up to something I'd asked them not to come to - and they didn't fly accross the country to do so. I can't imagine how petty you would've thought my situation was. I agree with the others here who suggest that this was most likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

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Yeah... the title of this thread is misleading.

 

OP, you're not owning up to reality. You messed up pretty badly, and the house is in his name. He can kick you out, a right he is exercising. Now is not the time to be indignant. Apologize and go gracefully. Hopefully once he cools down, he'll be open to talking to you.

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Or he did something in vegas and took the cowards way out because of guilt instead of owning up to whatever he did and facing the consequences.

 

Plenty of men dump their gf coz they cheated and cant handle the blow out when she finds out so they run away like a little boy

 

Wow, you really dont' bother to read much... you've got a running narrative in your head and you twist everything you read up to fit it.

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Yep, this is over. You're not on the lease, you're not married to him, he pays the rent, and you totally ignored the fact that he was going on a business trip and instead just went and showed up unannounced etc. totally ignoring his wishes. This wasn't a small thing, but a huge miscalculation on your part

 

so I think you have no recourse but to pack your bags and get out. Lesson learned too, that a relationship is a partnership and not just you unilaterally deciding what you want to do without discussing it with your partner first.

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As for the fight....definitely seems like you've been having major issues and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. As for you calling this your home - it's not. It's a rented property - neither yours nor his. So get this whole "my home" idea out of your head.

 

Bottom line is that he wanted space, you forced yourself on him. He asked you to leave, you forced yourself further. You need to step back and give him space. I doubt it will do more than save you some dignity, but at least you will have that. You can't make him want you and the more you push, the more violently people push back.

 

This does not sound like petty reason to me. You blatantly disregarded his wishes at least three times just in this post and I'm sure this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. You need to respect his boundaries. He pays for the lease and so he has the right to ask you to leave. Get your things and move on.

 

It has been said before but I'd like to repeat: This is not a petty reason AT ALL. You didn't respect his boundaries, you pushed and you pushed. You may have pushed him over the edge here. Best thing you can do now is start to respect his wishes and let the situation calm down.

 

Btw, my ex-gf broke up with me because I do not get drunk regularly and because I am not the type to give her friends ' a wedgie' and she wants a gf who can. Correct me if I'm wrong but these are 'petty' reasons.

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What is there to have a discussion about? The OP gave quite a lucid explanation of everything that has happened, so I'm having trouble figuring out what more you think there is to talk about. If you think he owes her the opportunity to cry, plead, and badger him, you're wrong. "Get out of my house", is all she really needed, as she knows exactly why.

 

Whoa, no need to jump at me. I was only offering advice based on the first post. I don't think he "owes" her anything - because I have no idea what the full story is. My point was that if they've been together 4 years, they might be common-law, in which case it could be a lot more complicated and not as simple as "get out of my house". They could have kids or something for all I know.

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