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Am i the reason for all the problems?Please advise


Namita123

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I am separated from my second husband 2 years back. I am 39 years old now and have 2 daughters.I had first affair at the age of 17.I was a very confident person and was very good in studies.He was a guy from my school. It was just a teenage love.I was very confident in his relationship.Later he went for abroad studies that he told me some days before he left. I was angry on him and those times the communication was not easy. I waited for him but he was out of contact n relationship during 2 years.I thought it was my mistake that leaded him to the breakup and that incident made me very insecure in love relationship.I was depressed and began having antidepressants. I think all my confidence was gone after that breakup. Some months later i met a guy and fell in love .We were only 21 years old that time.Because of my mom's behave and other negative environment i went to his place and got married while we were not ready for marriage.Then later on we bgan to fight .He loved me very much n i did too.I had my elder daughter with him.We were separated and i met my second husband. he was a good guy with good heart. He used to see me alone with my kid n was sympathetic towards me. Later on we fell for each other. I got divorce with first husband and married second husband. I loved him a lot and he too loved me a lot. But he is of such kind who is not capable to take decisions on his own and is scared of his parents a lot.His parents didnt wanted him to marry me as i was not never maried as he was.Lter they also agreed but were not much happy with me.After 2 months i came back to my own home as per my husband's suggestion.Things were alright but my husband didnt use to give me money for household expenses.My mom and i used to look after the expenses.I never demanded more.As we wee in my mom's home i wanted us to run our lives separately as per his salary. He agreed unwillingly but we moved out to a flat. He was major in national army n noe is Lt. Colonel.My mom supported me with expenses as i used to get rent of the house.My husband used to give less money. But one day i found out he had secret bank balance. Then it was enough and stopped spending money i got from my mom's rent. He become cold then after.Then he went for a mission one year back n earned good amount of money.In teh meantime he met a woman who is divorced and has a kid.I found out from their chat that after he met this lady he started asking me for divorce.In our country getting a divorce in his own for a man is very hard.Now it's been 2 yrs he is seeing this woman n not living with me n kids. Later he said he would not pay school fees n wants younger kid to b with him. As i have to earn for my living i cant look after 2 kids and he is posted elsewhere n my younger daughter is with his parents.Now please advise me if i am the root cause of every problem that occurred in my life.I am very depressed and lack confidence.What do u think i should do. Bring kid and divorce him or wait for him as he has been very abusive verbally nowadays.What cn i do to improve my life? please advise me.Why my relationship with men doesn't work?

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Divorce him. No you are not the cause of all the problems. You are guilty of being too forgiving and letting people walk all over you and hurt you. You should have more self respect. This man has cheated on you, he has not supported you or your daughter financially, refused to live with you, he even had a baby with another woman! All this and you stay?? Why?? Do you not think you deserve better than this?

 

Why is your daughter with his parents? Go and get her back

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You said, "Now please advise me if i am the root cause of every problem that occurred in my life."

- Relationship problems? Yes, of course you are.

 

A better question would be; can I learn from my past mistakes, not repeat them and have a happy life after my education?

- Yes!

 

 

Love lesson one:

Genuine love can only come after you learn respect yourself and then find a man who respects you as you do him.

 

PS, Anger will not get you to where you need to be... nice/smart will.

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Thank u so much for the replay Shelty,he has always tried to make me guilty for everything as i know it's not rue.i always wanted to win him by love and u r right i didnt cared about my self respect too...but the other woman has her own kid from her divorced husband not his kid.Thank u so much for the reply once again.

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If I bring back my younger kid from his parents' i will not b able to handle both kids n work well and i also thought if she is there he won't b free to roam around but i am so much in pain thinking about my kid and not for not being with her but noone is there to help me,even my mo is like that.Should i get alimony from him n b with both the kids? Even if it hurts but sometimes i think he is also her father n why whould i only think n worry about her,Please tell me what to do

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