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Can we sort things out?


r350

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I want your advice guys.

 

Been with my girlfriend for nearly a year and a half. We have had our fair share of squabbles and arguments, but last night was on another level. I hadn't been out in a long time with friends. I felt some major friend association had been abandoned by me, and some man space was needed. My girlfriend was also going out the same night. I went out to get drunk (since it's been so long since I went out and seen friends).

 

There has been an issue lately. A guy. He, when with someone else, told me girlfriend, well before I was around by the way, that he really liked her. Nothing ever came of it.

 

This 'guy' splits up with his, then girlfriend, and proceeded to text my girlfriend, just being friendly. Asking her to come round one night to his, or if he could invite himself round one night.

 

Because of this I have been paranoid and on my guard. This night I am mentioning, contained him and her. They just happened to be in the same bar. Coincidence?

 

 

On this night, my girlfriend text me to say she loved me and that she hoped I was having a great night. I didn't text her back. I didn't feel I 'needed' to, because space is what I needed. When I eventually phoned her, she was super abusive and horrible (because I hadn't bothered to text her back).

 

I met up with her and from the moment I met up with her she shouted abuse at me, and went inside a bar, talking to another guy when in there. I was angry. That she over reacted and shouted abuse at me infront of everyone for something so trivial.

 

I yelled back, and because she was sooo drunk, I said 'you can't even speak, you're too drunk'.

 

She proceeded to hit me in the face around 9 times. I took all of it.

 

I snapped and hit her (which is inexcusable). She went down, and I walked away.

 

She doesn't know she hit me and can't remember much, just that she got up and thought it was someone else that did it.

 

We have talked about it and cried about it. I am so ashamed and shocked at what I did, but also hurt that she instigated it. Can we move forward? Is there anyone on here that has had experience with this?

 

Thanks. And help.

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No, it isn't. Your previous threads have shown that this relationship has been a mess since the beginning.

 

And it is only getting worse. It cannot be salvaged. You have gone from distrust, poor communication and jealousy, to physical violence.

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I agree with mhowe. This relationship sounds toxic and potentially dangerous. You are both being physically violent and acting in ways that are shocking to each of you. Get out of this relationship and time to reflect on many things... why you have a hard time leaving a toxic relationship, why you accept abuse, and now have to figure out how you are capable of physically hurting another and work on that issue as well.

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I disagree that her reason was trivial. You were being manipulative. It woudlnt' have killed you to just text back "thanks, hope you're having a good time. See you later...", but you were flexing and calling yourself teaching her a lesson and your tack backfired on you.

 

The rest of it? Yeah, you two need to break up. You want space and she's abusive and neither of you can handle liquor.

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Thankyou for the advice though, although incredibly hard to take at the moment.

 

 

She is not respecting my space. I am stopping at a friends but she is not respecting. Calling me, texting me, missing me, and wanting me to come back AND to be reciprocal..

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I just think her reason didn't not justify her instigating what happened and initiating physical violence, with me, stupidly, ending it.

 

I understand her being abit angry at me not texting back, but did I deserve to be hit over that?

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Stop justifying either behavior.

 

You went out with the intention of getting drunk. Very immature.

You suspect her of intentional meeting up with this guy and decide to teach her a lesson in "space".

She gets drunk....immature.

 

Line of no return --- physical abuse from her and from you.

 

End it.

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No matter how you spin this, you two bring the absolute worst out in each other which has now led to full out violence on both sides. Please break up and get far away from each other before one or both of you end up in jail or in the hospital or both. You are going to destroy each other and your life and future. Getting arrested for violence (and it will happen the way things are going) will haunt you and damage you for the rest of your life. Both of you that is. You may not call the cops on each other, but third parties can. Keep that in mind while slugging away at each other in a bar.

 

You need to leave this relationship today. No and's but's or if's about it. Sometimes you can love someone deeply, but it doesn't mean that you should be with them.

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