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Dated for Four Months - Confused


gg.24

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I feel like I need advice with my current situation. I met this guy at the gym four months ago and we started dating. We went out once or twice a week and would see each other at the gym almost every day, sometimes working out together. He would be very attentive, calling me, texting me and asking me out on dates. I would also contact him and would contribute financially on dates because I didn’t want him to do all the work. I could tell he was really into me. I wasn’t sure about him, I felt attracted to him and he is super sweet, but we are from very different cultures and religions, and could see that as a problem if things were to progress.

 

We became intimate after about a month and a half of dating. Anyway, it started bothering me three months in that we had never discussed our dating goals, etc. Almost four months in (a week and a half ago) I asked him if we could meet in a couple of days because I felt we needed to talk about “us.” He was understanding and we met a couple of days after.

So we had the talk, and this is where I’m confused. I basically told him that at this stage in my life I was looking for an exclusive relationship. So he responded saying that right now he was finishing school (we are both in our late 20’s, I have a steady job) and that he doesn’t even have a steady job, that he is getting an internship but that doesn’t pay much, and that it makes him feel bad because he wants to “take care” of the girl? He said that if I was willing to wait for him to settle, but if not…. Later on he said how people usually end up with other that have the same profession, and how he had dated a girl from a different culture and then when they split she went on to marry a guy from her own country. He actually encouraged me to date and told me to “go on lots of dates.” Okay. So that pretty much told me what I needed to know, which was that we are looking for different things and to move on. I thought that was the end of it. And although a bit disappointed, I was ready to move on. I told him that was fine, and said that I was opened to meeting other people, and that there absolutely would not be sex involved between him and I anymore. And I do not want to get invested in something that is going nowhere.

 

But he has continued to contact me afterwards. He has been sending me nice text messages, suggesting we go out soon, that we need to “get together soon”, complimenting me, and making small talk. We have also bumped into each other at the gym and acted as if nothing is wrong. If I don’t respond to a text soon, he’ll send me another again. I have kind of brushed off his suggestion to meet soon, but he has continued to say it. I don’t know what to do here. Or better said, I don’t understand why he is acting all interested after we had that talk, and considering what he said….

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Because it was a talk that produced acceptable results.

 

You wanted to be exclusive, he did not.

He told you to go on lots of dates and you said you would --- and that there would be no more sex.

 

That, in his book, is fine. And he is willing to still "date"...

 

He is interested in you. He is not interested in being exclusive with you. If you don't want to hear from him again, tell him so.

And he is acting as if "nothing is wrong"....because nothing is wrong!

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Agreed.

 

And I'd bet $50 that if after the talk he instead avoided you at the gym, stopped texting you, and stopped calling that you'd be on here worrying "I thought we were still friends! Why is he ignoring me?"

 

He's ok with being friends (with or without benefits) with you because, as you said, he's sweet. And apparently very honest. No big mystery.

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Because it was a talk that produced acceptable results.

 

You wanted to be exclusive, he did not.

He told you to go on lots of dates and you said you would --- and that there would be no more sex.

 

That, in his book, is fine. And he is willing to still "date"...

 

He is interested in you. He is not interested in being exclusive with you. If you don't want to hear from him again, tell him so.

And he is acting as if "nothing is wrong"....because nothing is wrong!

 

^ Totally agree with this ^ If you don't want him contacting you, you need to make that clear to him.

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