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Are we a good fit?


sevenohnine709

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I have had my fair share of relationships, i fought and fought with girlfriends and they all pretty much ended due to that. I have bad adhd and ocd, and with the impulsive behaviour that comes with it, i haven't been the best boyfriend. For the past 6-7 months i have been dating this girl, and its been amazing. We very very rarely argue at all, at first i think i came on a little to strong, i was seeing her everyday and since it was her first ever relationship that kind of freaked her. We worked that out and since have been good however i am scared that we're not growing at a couple. She works very hard and at the end of the day just wants to relax with me which i have no problem with. We recently went on a 8 day trip to New york and it was fantastic, which i hope grew us as a couple. My ocd makes me wonder all the time about random stuff, and she always tells me not to worry.

 

Little background of me and my girl,

We have some similar interests some different ones, i constantly make an effort to stay up to date in her life / work, and ask her questions about her. She is more of a introvert where as i am extraverted. Which is partly why i like being with her, it calms me down and makes me a better more productive person. We still go on dates, have a good sex life but i'm also wondering if i am expecting too much in terms of what a relationship should be like, and if in fact i am in a healthy relationship. Maybe my past relationships where we seemed so "inlove" were fake, and this one which is more like a great friendship, where we can share stuff with each other, and have fun along with the sexual passion is much more healthy, regardless of if i do not feel on that cloud nine in bliss feeling as i did with others. (In past that cloud nine always faded after a while)

 

Are some people just less into showing affection than others? Maybe her personality mixed with being in her first relationship ever contribute to why i feel this is so different than other relationships.

 

My question is, are we a good fit from what i described? I mean i really like her, and she always says she really likes me she just doesn't show it 100% of the time where i tend to constantly want it as reassurance possibly from my ocd though process. Is this a normal healthy relationship?

Is it normal not for her to be in love after 7 months of dating?

 

Apologize for the length and the fact my writing may be all over the place

 

Cheers

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Constantly wanting reassurance is a problem. I have dealt with wanting this and I can tell you that if you expect that you are bound to be disappointed. It is way too much pressure on the other person and on yourself. I can't tell you whether you are a good fit but it sounds like things are going great and you need to relax and enjoy the relationship and not worry so much. I have never been in love (thought I was once but I think I was wrong) but I am falling for someone now. I can't say what is normal or how long it should take to fall in love. Some fall fast, others don't. I say enjoy and see where this takes you.

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Everyone has different expectations for relationships. Also have you heard of the 5 love languages? link removed She may be showing her affection in different ways than you would like to receive it. I would talk to her about this if you think it is a problem. It sounds like things are going great so I would try to relax a bit. If your OCD is affecting your relationship you may want to consider talking to someone about it.

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People call infatuation love. Love takes time and honestly you can't truly love someone after only 7 months. Love, true love, takes years. It is knowing someone inside and out, flaws and all and loving them anyway. You have a real friendship and a relationship, that is love. Sounds to me like previous relationships were more lust, and maybe this girl is something real.

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People call infatuation love. Love takes time and honestly you can't truly love someone after only 7 months. Love, true love, takes years. It is knowing someone inside and out, flaws and all and loving them anyway. You have a real friendship and a relationship, that is love. Sounds to me like previous relationships were more lust, and maybe this girl is something real.

 

Maybe you're right, one difference is that we met online and sort of skipped the "Chase" period. I don't know if thats good or bad. I tend to worry even though i shouldn't but she does not hesitate to talk to me when something is wrong in her life, i think we both really enjoy our time together. We can act foolish, and spend hours doing absolutely nothing but being silly. We do not really have the crazy sex life me and some of my past have had (sex multiple times a day) but we do have it almost every time we see each other.

 

So think i am just expecting too much / something that isn't real ? I have always wondered if my obsessive nature is too much and unrealistic and expects too much

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I used to get like this, when you start worrying, ask yourself this; if she did xyz, would that really change anything? The fact is, only time will tell, there are no amount of words or actions that will make you feel better. Sit back, enjoy the relationship, focus on where those emotions are coming from. Opening your heart to someone can lead to old insecurities coming out, you just have to recognize that and don't place that on your girlfriend. It sounds like you have a great thing going, don't sabotage it!

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I used to get like this, when you start worrying, ask yourself this; if she did xyz, would that really change anything? The fact is, only time will tell, there are no amount of words or actions that will make you feel better. Sit back, enjoy the relationship, focus on where those emotions are coming from. Opening your heart to someone can lead to old insecurities coming out, you just have to recognize that and don't place that on your girlfriend. It sounds like you have a great thing going, don't sabotage it!

 

 

Thanks for the words of wisdom !

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