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Heart isn't in it.


IlovedimebagD

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When you are in a relationship that you chose your marriage over. What would the reasons for staying if "your heart isn't in it"? Especially when you claim to only love your ex wife? And how can you say you're happy if you constantly contact your ex wife and you're heart is not in it? But you do and you don't want to be with your current partner. This is the stuff my ex husband has been trying to tell me and it just doesn't make sense... And no I don't want to take him back. But I do love him. I just don't understand things.

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'Heart isn't in it,' in this situation feels as if the person isn't getting something that they think they need. They are uncomfortable. The person is avoiding dealing with difficult feelings. In this situation the person reminisces and idealizes the past. Seeking outside for resolution doesn't work however, the person has to look inward to recognize what's going on.

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You can never discount the factor of lying and manipulation... People do what they want to do... So he left you for her. And now he is whining how it's not as fun as he thought and his 'heart's not in it' but he still won't leave?

 

He may be trying to play on your feelings to try to manipulate you. As in minimize your anger that he's tossed you over for someone else, in hopes of getting more time with the kids, or you not unleashing your lawyer on him to get more child support, or any other thing that might be to his advantage.

 

Or he could be a big baby who doesn't give much thought to anything he does. So when he's with you, he wanted her. Now that he's with her, he wants you too. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

People can and do get attached to their spouses, even if they decide they are romantically interested in someone else, they may want to hang onto the familiarity/friendship/sibling relationship with a spouse.

 

so stop thinking about him and his feelings. What is right for you and your life? Make decisions based on that. And don't waste a lot of time on the phone with him every day being his best buddy, when what you should be focusing on is YOU and your new life without him because he's run off with someone else. It's not your job to continue to act like old spouses and listen to him whine. Let him find someone else for that, and you should be putting your attention and efforts into finding someone new rather than focusing on holding his hand while he bangs his new woman.

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btw, I just read your earlier posts. So he cheated on you with her, then he cheated on her with you, and you cut him off for a while because of that. And now apparently you are letting him back in again. Big mistake! Go back and read your prior thread. There was a reason you changed your phone number to cut him off, and you should do so again. This guy is just trying to worm his way back into your pants again while he's still with his GF. don't fall for it or listen to anything he says. You can't believe a word he says. Get him out of your life and move on.

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