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Confused by girl that told me she just wants to be friends!


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Hi everyone, I feel a little bad because I haven't been on the forums for quite a long time. I hope everyone is well!


I've been having some relationship problems with someone for a few months now and I've honestly tried to deal with it, but I really need help. Some advice, some guidance. I'll start from the beginning.


I work in a small retail store that sells electrical components and parts. It's not exactly a place where I would meet a girl and ask her out. However, in late October a girl walked into my store. I was lucky enough to be the closest person to the door so I ended up helping her. She needed parts for a project that she's working on for uni. I spent about 45 minutes helping her. During that time my work colleagues/friends were constantly giving me looks and basically trying to encourage me to ask her out. We got along so well and we both found that instantly we could speak to each other as if we've been friends for years. There was immediate chemistry and really obvious flirting. Anyway I got her number which is a massive deal for me and found out that she works in the same town as I do, just started working at a nearby store part time. I helped her with her work a little for the next few days and even met up with her to go and buy parts from another place. We had lunch, spoke, laughed etc etc.


Throughout the next couple of weeks I found out that we have so much in common. We arranged to go to Comic Con together with another friend of mine (whom I already agreed to go with). That day at Comic Con I asked her out properly. I told her that it was obvious I liked her and that I had a feeling she likes me too. Her response was "No no I don't like you...don't worry I'm just messing with you....you'd have to be an idiot to not realize I like you too." So we agreed to go on a proper date soon. I was amazed. I just met this girl who was amazingly beautiful and she's a complete and utter geek, to top it off...she actually likes me.


This is where it went a bit wrong...


I barely heard from her for a week after that. I didn't think too much of it because I knew she had a major deadline that week. To my surprise she messaged me saying that she wanted to continue our convo from comic con. That night she messaged me quite late and basically told me that she thinks it would be a bad idea for us to date. Reason being...religion. To her it's not important, her ex was the same religion as me. However, she just can't see it working in the long run with family and all. Despite my efforts she had clearly made up her mind and I could not get her to even go on one date with me. She wouldn't even give us a shot.


So over the last few months we've become great friends.


A month or so ago she started calling me at nights (1am, 2am, 3.30am)...every night for a week we spoke for thirty minutes to an hour on the phone. I eventually called her out on it and told her that I'm not making a big deal out of it but that it feels like more is happening between us. Her response was basically her playing dumb. She told me that she didn't think anything of it and that she's just calling a friend. Since then she would call me maybe once a week, again late at night.


Last week we spoke on the phone from 3am till 7am. When we got off the phone I was literally getting ready for work while she was doing the same for uni. And now this week...we've spoken for three nights in a row again for an hour or so each night. Some of the things she says completely throw me off. For example - I lent her something to use a few weeks back. She told me that she lost it. I didn't think much of it. The other night she tells me that she actually has it, so I jokingly demand it back and she says "No, I want to keep it, it reminds me of you."


Another example is this - she talks about how I'm always confused about small things, so I retort back and tell her that she's constantly confused by the simplest of tasks. This was all jokingly of course, but then in a serious tone she says "yeah I'm generally confused.." So I ask about what. Her reply.."You."


What the hell does all this mean. Bare in mind that these little things happen during long conversations on the phone and because I've attempted things with her several times, I'm afraid to try again.


My problem is this. I have fallen in love with this girl. This girl that says she just sees me as a friend but then acts as if we're more. I'm tired of feeling up and down about things. We speak for nights on end and then she vanishes for a week, then she appears again and acts like I should just be there and okay with things.


I'm not the kind of person that would ever give someone an ultimatum, but I'm feeling like she needs to decide what she wants. I'm feeling as though I need to walk away from this girl because it is killing me. Everyone around me is saying something different. One friend says shes playing me and is using me for emotional comfort and that I should walk away. Another says I should wait it out and maybe she'll realize what we have is more. One person is telling me that she clearly knows what we have is special but she just likes having me as a friend...


Please, I need some help. One day I feel like walking away without saying a word to her. Letting her miss me. Then I feel like saying something to her one last time, but I know that she doesn't want to hear it. Or do I just shut up and accept this as a friendship and nothing more.


I really don't know

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I don't think there's anything to be confused about. She has told you several times she doesn't want a relationship and only wants to be friends. She still hasn't changed her mind about that. She means what she says. The trouble is that because YOU want more and are wishing/hoping for a relationship, you tend to see "more" in every little thing she says and does. She KNOWS you want more, but she still only wants to be friends.


If you can't accept her as a friend, then you'll have to walk away from her.

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I see what you're saying. I completely agree that I have, in the past, read too much or too deeply into things. I'm an emotional person that really likes someone. I can see all of these things objectively though.


In this case though, is it not odd to call someone at 3am and talk to them for four hours?


Is it not odd to take an object from someone that has no real use or value and lie about it being lost, just because you want to keep it as it reminds you of another?


There are a lot of small things, but then there's big ones too.


I know that I may have to walk away. That's what hurts. I do not think it is fair on her for me to stick around in the hopes that she'll change her mind. That would not be nice for her. I do feel though that some of her actions are unfair on me.


That's why I asked for help.

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To her it's not important, her ex was the same religion as me. However, she just can't see it working in the long run with family and all.


This. She's already been through the mental gymnastics of family religion conflicts--and that guy is now an ex.


It's too exhausting for her to entertain the idea of dealing with her family. She likes you, but she can't handle the whole Romeo and Juliet thing and has already decided that.


So--she's flirting around the edges and getting her own mini-highs--at your expense.


You can knock yourself out continuing to try to win her over, but look at what that's doing to you.


You don't need any exit drama, but you can quit losing sleep over the strange hours she picks for phone calls. I'd just stop answering unless she phones at a reasonable time, and if she adjusts accordingly, you can cross that bridge and decide whether you want to keep torturing yourself playing friendzies.


Bottom line: this isn't going anywhere. You get to pick when you're ready to accept that and stop allowing her to d' you around.

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