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Please Help Me :( Im hurting


owlycat

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I cannot move on from my ex boyfriend no matter what I do. It seems literally impossible. We've been working on things because he cheated on me. He was going to transfer schools to come to college with me and everything and then all of a sudden.....things changed. I will admit, I was a handful. I kept throwing the infidelity in his face. He literally did whatever he could to make me want to be with him again. He did whatever I asked when I asked. I kept making him feel bad for it and it was because I was hurting so badly. I'd never been that hurt before so seeing him hurt made me feel good. He always said that he'd be here for me when I was ready for a relationship and then I finally told him the summer right before I went off to college that I was ready and that I wanted to be with him. He said that he wasn't able to give me what I needed and I didn't understand that. Well during the time of that summer I had had a different guy I was "dating" but I realized that I loved my ex and I broke things off with him because I knew it wasn't right to just drag him along. But anyways, my ex said that he wasn't enough for me and that he had a crush on some girl...and this hurt me...but I couldn't necessarily be mad. But...I came to college and I was ok for a little bit because we still talked everyday so I wasn't really making a big deal out of it. But then I found out he was still talking to the girl he cheated on me with on a regular basis and I made him choose it was either me or her. and he chose me but then he said that he wasn't gonna cut off a friendship just because. This hurt me...but I continued to stay. I always make excuses as to why he's right and I'm wrong. Even though we weren't together I still had that relationship mentality and I was extremely jealous.... But now...He says that he's not in love with me anymore and that he doesn't want a relationship. But I think he has a girlfriend..the girl he had a crush on...and he's just not being honest about it.. I wish words could explain how heartbroken and hurt I am and I feel as though Ill be stuck this way forever. Ive looked at every advice column. I'm currently in therapy. I've been having anxiety attacks ever since the break up and have fallen into a depression. I have no motivation to do anything. I cry everyday. I feel worthless. I feel unloved. And throughout our whole relationship. I'm just upset because....before he cheated on me..I had gotten pregnant...and I got an abortion because he was in college and I didn't wanna ruin his life. I was still in highschool but I did want the baby....I just didn't wanna ruin his life or my family's. Now, I feel like after everything I've done. After all the forgiving and effort I've put into this relationship...I get nothing in return and it hurts like hell. Even when I'm out doing things there's a constant feeling of dread because I'm thinking about him and sometimes I even feel physically sick about it. I just don't know where to turn anymore....I just feel empty...broken...and now i've taken the psycho ex girlfriend route. and he told me to stop texting him and that broke me..... God....what do I do now?

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I feel maybe now you can understand why no contact is so important... you did everything for him, you were willing to sacrifice SO much for him and that's incredibly admirable to me, its the kind of person i was to my ex. But think about it... why would you give everything you had to this person and receive nothing back? You deserve better, you sound like an incredibly giving person and he took advantage of you and didn't give anything back. I guess to me id rather be ignorant and think my ex will regret this decision in the future. I don't need to know from them whether or not they do or don't id rather just think to myself "wow im an incredibly giving person they dont know what they gave up". Prove to yourself that your deserve better than him work on yourself, because i can guarantee you that you do...

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Take a deep breath, keep doing what you're doing. It takes time to get over a breakup and you have a double whammy having had the whole issue of a pregnancy between you. Please, keep seeing your therapist and even if you don't feel like it keep going out and doing things. Fake it until you make it. It doesn't sound like it's been all that long since the breakup and if I'm not mistaken this is a first relationship too, yes? They are often some of the toughest to get over, because you haven't yet lived through it and found out that you will love again. And yes, you will. The human heart is geared towards love, it just is whether any of us wants to admit it or not.

 

So take it easy on yourself, dry your tears, do things that make you feel happy or even just a temporary smile. Let that be enough and lean on your friends and family right now to carry you through as well as your therapist. You will get there, you need time, you need to find that you're a whole lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Take care, go NC from the ex to allow yourself plenty of space and time to heal and get another perspective on it as well. In time you'll begin to recover, but in the meantime just focus on you for now. Come here and read stories about those who broke up and recovered, talk to your therapist and do whatever it takes to get to that next day. One day you'll look back on this and shake your head, you will. In the meantime take care of yourself and don't regret or think what you're feeling isn't normal, isn't what we all go through, or that it's forever. It isn't.

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Today, just a few hours ago he said that I was driving him insane and that he's done and that he doesn't wanna be with me. He said it's time to let go and no longer wants my love and that he wants to be alone.....but he's about to get a new girlfriend. I know that I deserve better. I know it. But I just want this to be over. I feel so empty and I've just be crying all day. Wallowing on the floor because I feel physical pain from it. He told me not to contact him...that he wants it to be permanent. And that kills me.....But thank you for your advice. I'm gonna try to take it one day at a time.

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