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Just Being Friendly or Maybe Interested? He's a Tough One to Figure Out.


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I am a graduate assistant at the university I attend and I work at a program that provides support services for the undergraduate students. We hired new staff over the summer. I've gotten the chance to talk to/hang out with a few new staff members but not all of them. One of the newbies is a guy who seems to be very nice & friendly but, kind of quiet, reserved & somewhat shy. I am that way too. We seem to be the type of people who tend to be quiet & shy until we feel comfortable with people (or at least, I am). I never really got the chance to talk to him at the beginning, up until some point halfway through this past semester. In my opinion, our conversations are pretty much always interesting. Most of them have been conversations in which we got to know each other a bit and in my opinion, we relate pretty well to one another. We often find something to laugh at & things that we have in common. The conversations flow. He complimented me twice on two different jackets that I wore. One day, while I was at work, we had a conversation that lasted about half an hour, where we talked about various topics & when I had to leave for class, he decided to leave as well. It was the end of the day. As we walked out, he asked me what building my class was in. I told him and instead of going home, he said he would walk over to that building too since the program we work for was having an event (that was just about to end) at that time & he said that he wanted to stop by briefly to check things out. So, we walked over together.


Most of our co-workers are females (only a couple of them are guys) and I know that he gets along with and talks to just about everyone in the office. However, most of the girls are in relationships and/or engaged.


A little while after that, we had the opportunity to talk again. One of my appointments was cancelled & as I stood in the doorway of my office, he was sitting at a table that we have in the program's office. He saw me & asked me how my Thanksgiving break had been. I briefly told him about it & since I'm of Hispanic descent, he told me about how he spent Thanksgiving with his roommate's family & how they did some typical Hispanic things (since his roommate is also Hispanic) which I found amusing & interesting. As the conversation progressed, I told him about a new song that I thought he would like. That then led to us talking about various artists that we like. However, at one point, an undergrad student who was near us, kept trying to butt into our conversation so, I told him that I was going to go back to my office & that he was welcomed to join me if he wanted to. He did. He came into my office & we talked for about an hour. After that, I had to meet with someone so he stepped out. About an hour after that, he came into my office again & we talked briefly. He then left because he said he needed to go get something to eat & when he came back, he sat at the table for about a minute & then came back into my office because he said he needed tissues for his hands & ended up staying there talking to me. Occasionally, he would slightly poke his head out the door because he wanted to know what a couple of our co-workers (who are girls) were talking about. I told him that I apologized if I was distracting him or keeping him from something & he told me that I wasn't & then asked if he was distracting me. I told him that he wasn't and we ended up talking for about another hour again, until I had to meet with someone else. We also became friends on Facebook that day. I added him. The day after that, I got to work & one of the girls that interns at our program told me that she heard that I was a fan of a particular sports team & wanted to know if she could ask me some questions about the team for a class assignment. When I asked her how she knew that I liked this team, she smiled & told me that this guy had told her about it, because she had also spoken to him about the team.


For the Holiday break, he went back home since he's from out of state. I sent him a message on Facebook telling him that he could text me if he was ever bored or simply wanted someone to talk to. He read the message but never responded to it. However, he did text me twice to wish me a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year. He also liked some of my posts on Facebook & Instagram (since I usually post funny stuff) while we were on break. When, we got back to work, we had to attend a meeting. When he walked in everyone said hi to him all at once while I kept quiet. He sat in a seat diagonal from me & when he looked at me, he raised his eyebrows up at me as if to acknowledge me & say hello. After the meeting, just as I was about to make a call, he said "Hey" & made small talk by asking how my break had been. I told him it was good and asked about his. We were interrupted a couple of times by some of the girls but then everyone left & we continued our conversation. At one point, I mentioned something & he said he knew about it because he had seen my multiple posts about it on Facebook. We continued to talk & at a later point in the conversation, I showed him a video on my phone. He moved in closer to look at the video & afterwards we both stepped back. However, we still seemed to be a bit less than arm's length away from each other as we talked. We talked about various things as we stood facing each other & talked for about an hour & a half until I had to go because my ride had arrived. Normally when we leave work & walk out of the building, I usually take the exit to the left while he takes the one to the right but, this time around he decided to take the same exit that I did.

We had another meeting the following day but didn't get to speak. At the meeting the day after that, he once again sat at a seat accross from me. He looked at me & gave me a slight smile. I gave him a smile back & said "What's up?" We made brief small talk & then kind of stopped talking. I felt a bit awkward having a conversation with him in a room that was silent but had others around. We looked at each other very briefly until I looked away & then looked at the others as I said "Somebody say something" & he added a slight laugh as he said "It's so silent".


The following week, we went to a staff dinner at a restaurant. There are about 20 people on staff & just about everyone showed up. Anyway, two other girls and I were among the first to get there. I skipped the first seat and sat at the second seat as the two girls sat next to me to my left. Then, two others girls arrived & they sat accross from me even though there were many seats open. When this guy walked in, he said hi to everyone sitting at the table, looked in my direction & sat next to me. One of the first things he noticed was my phone case. I got a new phone case over the holidays. He asked if that was my new phone case (since I had posted a picture of it on instagram before), I told him that it was & jokingly asked if he liked it. Since there were a lot of us there, throughout the course of dinner, the conversation broke up into small groups. My group consisted of me, him, & the two girls sitting accross from us. We talked about our breaks, school, work, foods that we like & don't like & other various topics. The interesting part was that as we shared stories & information with the girls, I realized that he and I had already told each other about 80% or 90% of the things we were telling them. Most of the time, both he & I were like "Oh yeah, you told me this before".


Towards the end of dinner, one of the girls was talking to everyone at the table & while I was listening to her, at one point, I checked the time on my phone beneath the table & then continued to look at her & listen to her. I heard the guy say "Of course" and then repeat himself again saying "Of course". Then, I felt someone poke me in my arm & it was him. He said "Of course" (sarcastically) & I said "Of course, what?" He pointed to my phone and said "The picture". The lock screen wallpaper on my phone is a picture of a music artist that I like. We laughed & then he said it was ok because he used to have a picture of a female artist that he liked at one point too. Most recently, I posted something about my favorite sports team on Facebook & since he doesn’t like this team, he commented on my status jokingly saying that he would keep his comments to himself. I told him not to hate. The next day at work, I jokingly called him a “hater” & he just laughed. We briefly addressed the topic but didn’t get to talk much, because we were at work.


Seeing as how he's an overall nice and friendly guy who will talk and interact with just about everyone at work, it is difficult for me to tell whether he is just being nice & friendly to me like he is with the other girls or if he might actually have some interest in me. I can usually tell if a guy is interested in me or not but, this one has me confused. Any input would be appreciated. I apologize for the long post but, I thought the details might be helpful. I also know that it is not recommended to date anyone you work with but, please don’t lecture me on it. Thanks.

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He seems interested....but probably overly cautious because you do work together. I won't lecture you...but I would stop initiating contact for a while and see if he moves toward you. It's a slow dance....just see how it goes


Thanks for your input and advice

I know what you mean about being cautious. I try to be cautious because we do work together and the last thing I want is awkwardness or problems of any sort. At the same time, I'm also cautious because he'll be graduating soon and is not sure what he'll be doing next. He wants to continue with school but, doesn't know whether he'll be moving back home (to his home state) or staying in the state that he is in now. I'm assuming that if he is interested but also cautious that that might be another reason why.

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