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Please help, I'm completely distraught...


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Hi,

 

My girlfriend and I are both 22. Been together for just over 3 years. We live at separate ends of the country but have made that not stand in the way, seeing each other nearly weekly throughout and talking everyday. We are both madly in love with each other.

 

Last week however, she said we needed to talk face to face. So I rushed up to see her, where she broke up with - completely breaking me apart. She said the spark had gone between us and she doesn't think it would ever come back, and she's been unhappy for a long time. She said I don't make her happy anymore and she loves me as a friend now. She said she needs her space to find herself and doesn't want a relationship and has tried as much as she can but can't try anymore cause she knows we're not going to be together.

 

I did not see this coming at all, we saw each other just two days before all this and everything seemed fine, despite her saying she's been giving me hints for ages that she's been unhappy.

 

I know she loves me but I don't know what to do. Im completely distraught and can't move on from my life and forget about her. Ive texted her non stop/called her but it doesn't seem like theres anything I can do.

 

We were perfect together and I treated her so right throughout our relationship which she knows.

 

If I give her the space she wants is this going to lose her more and more? Is the space she wants going to help her realise her feelings for me?

 

I have no idea what to do, I feel like I can't breathe and am completely distraught and in shock.

 

Please help me.

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Oh bless you .....you will never feel as bad as you do right now ...big hugs xxxx It is such a shock isn't it ..and I honestly believe people do kind of go into shock .

 

I am going to say things you don't want me to say but it is only your best interests I have at heart .

 

Firstly you have to stop the texts and calls darling , you HAVE to . I can tell you and everyone else on here will , that you are pushing her so far away you may as well buy her an air ticket . She has been thinking about this a while remember , this isn't a shock to her , she has no doubt had to build the courage up to get to the point where she knows what she was going to do and say . This has been thought about and delivered and right now she needs to follow through with her words ....she needs to expereince life without you , she needs to know in her heart that this is what she wanted ..and only complete space and time from you will allow her to know in her heart of she made the right decision .

 

Thats not to say that in 3 months she will come back , but right now you have a choice .

 

you either become a crazy ass stalker who turns into such an annoyance and burden the love she does have dies completely .

 

or

 

you respect her wishes ..and if you love her you will , and you keep walking forward with dignity .

 

there are no other choices because the end result is the same , she has decided to end it .

 

 

there is nothing I can say to make this part any easier for you , it hurts and we all know , please just keep writing and sharing ...you are not alone xx

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[...]

 

you either become a crazy ass stalker who turns into such an annoyance and burden the love she does have dies completely .

 

or

 

you respect her wishes ..and if you love her you will , and you keep walking forward with dignity .

 

[...]

 

I agree. The worst mistake you can make is to pursue contact, send letters and emails, show up at her home or place of work or anywhere else she goes, or contact her family or friends.

 

These actions only serve to harden her heart against you because they are a threat to the peace she craves--and they exhaust her. Once you push someone to exhaustion, there's little hope of ever inspiring fondness again.

 

Most couples who start out young and stay together for years break up in their low 20s because one or the other recognizes that their private growth is being suffocated by the other.

 

That's nothing you've done 'wrong,' it's a side effect of investing so much so early. No two people can grow at the exact same rate in all ways, so your best bet is to trust that if you're a 'meant to be' couple, you'll each accelerate your own private growth into healthy adults who will find their way back to on another some day.

 

But not in the immediate future, and not if you derail and don't adopt resiliency and health as your primary goal for your own sake.

 

Grief is natural and painful, and the only way 'around' it is through it. You cannot control your pain, but you can control your behavior. I'd start by taking baby steps toward my own healing, bribing myself with small rewards for small accomplishments, and I'd be as kind as possible with myself as though I'm recovering from a physical injury.

 

Nobody would ask someone with a broken leg to run a marathon, so it's reasonable to treat a broken heart as something that will take time to heal.

 

Head high, you can do this.

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