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ex texted me accidentally last night, but enjoyed talking/didn't regret it


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so my ex texted me accidentally last night...she was sending out a mass text of a funny video, and said she didn't mean to send it to me, but said she blamed her phone, but she didn't particularly regret sending it to me accidentally...she said "Hi asked how i was doing, and all that, told me i should watch it and let her know if i thought it was funny, so i did...i then told her that i figured she got rid of my number after last month when she changed her mind about us giving another try to our relationship...she said that she couldn't let herself do that, and that she guessed she probably should've and that shes sorry but told her not to apologize cause its not like i told her to get rid of it, i just assumed she did...so i guess that means she just can't get herself to completely let go, and i know she isn't seeing anyone else right now nor is she looking for anyone else right now...

 

yeah, i know she didn't mean to talk to me last night, but seemed like she was glad she did...after chatting a little more, i told her to drive safe on her way up to milwaukee to her parents the weather was bad, she thanked me and i left it at that...i didn't want to drag it out and seem desperate...i was wondering if she got rid of my number after changed her mind last month, but i guess last night answered my question...what will happen from here on out, who knows...still sticking to not initiating contact myself though

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You are projecting your own feelings onto her and making assumptions based on nothing.

 

Dumpers don't NEED to delete your number because, unlike a dumpee, they're not constantly battling the urge to call you.

 

Please stop reading into this. I'm sure she's happy to imagine you can act like *friends* now.... it probably makes her feel less guilty to think so.

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Plus her saying "she couldn't let herself do that" is a little different than if lets say she were to say "just never really got around to/never really thought about deleting it".... she was fighting an urge last month when she texted me intentionally and told me she just didn't care that day and just said "F*** it, I'm texting him"...she had urges like that in the past too!

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You're twisting this stuff around to try and make it MEAN something, but it just doesn't.

 

Of course you're not "just friends" -- you'll never be that with ANY ex. What you are is an ex-boyfriend. But she wants to BELIEVE you can talk casually and joke around "just like friends" because it makes her feel less guilty for breaking up with you.

 

She hasn't deleted your number because she doesn't NEED to. Not because she's wanting to keep that connection or is secretly wanting to reconcile.

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Plus her saying "she couldn't let herself do that" is a little different than if lets say she were to say "just never really got around to/never really thought about deleting it".... she was fighting an urge last month when she texted me intentionally and told me she just didn't care that day and just said "F*** it, I'm texting him"...she had urges like that in the past too!

 

She's saying this to try and give you hope and make herself look like a kind and loving person in your eyes.

 

You're not facing it that IF she wanted to be with you, she COULD BE, at any moment! The only reason she's not with you right now is.... she doesn't WANT to be.

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Nothing I post on here that occurs between her and I seems to mean anything...

 

The problem is, you're taking meaningless breadcrumbs and trying to make them mean more than they do!

 

You need to start accepting that the only reason your ex isn't with you right now is... she doesn't WANT to be! If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you.

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Hey there,

 

I echo sharky's sentiments here.

 

I broke off a long-term relationship about a year ago and occasionally reached out to my ex for no reason other than it felt good. I missed the support, his friendship, I cared for him but had absolutely no interest in getting back together. No sexual desire, nothing. I tried not to do this often but he never objected.

 

You will drive yourself insane if you try to read more into it than the plain language of the text.

 

If she wanted to get back together, she would let you know. Honestly, you will appear the most attractive in her eyes, and maintain the most dignity and self-respect, if you don't respond.

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Hey there,

 

I echo sharky's sentiments here.

 

I broke off a long-term relationship about a year ago and occasionally reached out to my ex for no reason other than it felt good. I missed the support, his friendship, I cared for him but had absolutely no interest in getting back together. No sexual desire, nothing. I tried not to do this often but he never objected.

 

You will drive yourself insane if you try to read more into it than the plain language of the text.

 

If she wanted to get back together, she would let you know. Honestly, you will appear the most attractive in her eyes, and maintain the most dignity and self-respect, if you don't respond.

 

Why as a dumper, why would you do that? Why would you expect friendlike communication of a guy you only just broke his heart? I think this is plain selfish.

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Anything other than the dumper saying they screwed up and want another chance is meaningless and breadcrumb-y unless you legitimately only want to be friends with them. Don't read into anything because you're just going to make yourself feel worse and more disappointed.

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Why as a dumper, why would you do that? Why would you expect friendlike communication of a guy you only just broke his heart? I think this is plain selfish.

 

You're entitled to your opinion, and I certainly never said anything that should lead him on, but I realized that he could misinterpret my messages which I tried hard to avoid.

 

Not every dumpee WANTS zero contact. Some want to be friends. My texts were friendly, like comments about our favorite football team. Reading posts from people here, I realize that it was probably a mistake. But he is one of those people who always appears happy no matter what is going on.

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I'm sure she sees you as a very nice friendly Plan B option, in case she ever changes her mind.

 

However, making yourself so easily accessible ISN'T going to change her mind -- or give her the chance to experience what life is like without you in it. Basically, she knows you're always right there as a back up..... so she can confidently move on and look for other people, knowing she's got you as a safety net.

 

Worse, this continued contact is keeping keeping YOU from really accepting this breakup and healing from it and moving on.

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