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Do ex's just stop caring after a period of time?


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I have a question which is related to a thread topic I saw in the 'Getting Back Together' section of the forum but thought it more appropriate to ask here.

 

Basically my ex broke up with me about a year and a half ago. We are now both in totally different relationships and tend to socialise in totally different circles too, and honestly I think we have both moved on with regards to being in a relationship with eachother. I am totally in love with my current boyfriend, we have talked about marriage and he treats me exactly how I wanted to be treated by my ex which really has proven to me how awful the two of us were for eachother. By all accounts he seems much happier with his new girlfriend too. After the break up, my ex and I still spoke to eachother fairly frequently (I thought I wanted him back at that time and made a half hearted attempt at NC but was so awful at it lol!) right up until he started seeing his new girlfriend I think (well, approximately, I wasn't keeping track, it just seemed that we suddenly stopped talking altogether and we completely stopped going for coffees, etc). Of course I was with my new boyfriend about 3 months before he started seeing his girlfriend so maybe the whole situation was weird and maybe also inappropriate but it was just how it suddenly stopped which bothered me, as opposed to us discussing how it may not be appropriate to keep meeting up. Which would have been fair enough.

 

Nevertheless we have since met up a few times with groups of friends (we met through a mutual friend so it was inevitable really). He would often get p!ssy with me about various things..how I didn't get on with his friends, how much I would drink (never all that much around him post break up ftr), my religious beliefs and most recently, the last time I saw him he was rude towards one of my best friends and then my boyfriend (calling one creepy and saying my boyfriend and I were annoying together!). This last time was about 5 months ago and I've not spoken to him since then. On these handful of occasions he always found a way to be very dismissive of me, as if he thinks I am stupid or something, which is how he was with me towards the end of our relationship. Oh, on one occasion I sent him a FB message to break the ice (before the last occasion) we exchanged maybe 2/3 messages before he stopped replying. Ok now I've said all this it is making me think the whole point of my post is moot as he just sounds like an ass on 'paper'. But for the sake of finishing my post!

 

It seems to me that either he stopped caring suddenly or developed a major dislike of me (I guess this isn't beyond the realms of possibility but it seems a little strange). Is/was he trying to push me away by being rude and deliberately antagonising because he doesn't want us being close at all? So basically there's two parts to this: his being friendly and chatty until he met someone else and then his behaviour towards me since being in a relationship with this new girl. Both of which suggest he's just not interested in anything to do with me anymore, but that is rejection all over again which I guess is what brings me here.

 

Does anyone have experience of anything similar and is this just normal "I've moved on, leave me alone" behaviour (he's my only ex so I don't know) or is it still possible that we could be 'friends' even if only the sort of friends who chat about meaningless stuff on FB and never in person? I don't even know if he's worth the effort after writing all this down, but really I guess I just want to know is this his way of telling me to get lost or what?

 

ETA: I guess what bothers me most about this is that I can't just switch off and stop caring about somebody I once cared for, even if that caring doesn't mean the same thing anymore (aka I still care about what's going on with him even though I don't love him or want to be with him) which makes me think he didn't care about me at all post-break up but humoured me for company until he met someone else? If that makes sense. Perhaps I am over analyzing the whole thing anyway!

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You know what? You need to quit putting so much energy into unravelling the gordion knot that is your ex boyfriend. You have a boyfriend now that you need to be putting the energy into, not your ex.

 

What would your current boyfriend say if he read this post of yours?

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No you are right, I am just an insecure person so I don't like the rejection or the not understanding why people do what they do. Nor do I like letting go when someone clearly doesn't want to be friends for whatever reason.

 

Which my boyfriend would understand because we've been over this with someone else (not an ex) before. Although the fact that it is an ex wouldn't look great in his eyes, that's true.

 

Anyway. You are right, it is something I shouldn't be obsessing over. Although having said that it's something which only came to me last night when I saw something he'd written on Facebook and it just reminded me of how we'd been getting along ok post-break up and then he suddenly stopped speaking which reminded me of the original rejection and ended up in a bit of an essay. Basically everything got a little out of hand.

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You are going to have to learn to get over it. You have a current boyfriend, so it really doesn't matter why your ex rejected you. He didn't want to be with you, else he would be. That's really the bottom line of it. Your current boyfriend WANTS to be with you and that is the most important thing here.

 

Block your ex on Facebook. Looking at his page is nothing more than you keeping emotionally involved with him and it's not fair to your current boyfriend that you keep reaching back to you ex by looking at his Facebook page. Would you like it if your current boyfriend was doing the very same thing with an ex of his? How would that make you feel about how important you were in his estimation?

 

Be fair. Stop sniffing in behind your ex.

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After all this time and being so in love with your "new" boyfriend I cannot even begin to fathom why you are trying to work all this out. People move on, they lose touch. You are making something out of nothing. Why not put all this wasted energy into the relationship you're in now. That is the one that should be most important to you. Just enjoy your current relationship and stop trying to unravel the past!

 

It does make me wonder if you are as over your ex as much as you say you are because, if you were, this shouldn't be such a concern.

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We ALL have to face rejection at some point in our lives. ALL of us … and it is highly likely that we will ALL have to let go of someone we don't feel we want to so that we can move on with our lives and create a new happiness for ourselves.

 

You are hanging unnecessarily onto your ex and I don't really understand why. You really should delete him from Facebook if it means you are going to continue to obsess over your past relationship with him. That isn't fair on your current boyfriend. He should be your main concern and priority, not your ex.

 

Relationships end. Some end good, some end bad, some end slow. However they end, we all have to move on at some point and no doubt your ex realised this. You really need to get over it.

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Of course I was with my new boyfriend about 3 months before he started seeing his girlfriend

 

Not that it matters, but I think that his ego was hurt when you managed to get somebody else before he did. It sounds that, in a way, you 'won' that stupid power struggle of who moves on first that often occurs following a break-up. Your ego versus his ego. Hence his dismissive behavior towards you. That or he is tired of your mind games and insecurity.

 

Yet you persist on obsessing over this. You sound very immature by your post. It sounds like your ego can't handle any rejection. You need to grow out of this or you will suffer in your life and waste valuable time that you could use much more constructively. You need to snap out of this or you are liable to take the new good relationship that you say that you have for granted and lose it all over again.

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That or he is tired of your mind games and insecurity.

 

Yet you persist on obsessing over this. You sound very immature by your post. It sounds like your ego can't handle any rejection. You need to grow out of this or you will suffer in your life and waste valuable time that you could use much more constructively. You need to snap out of this or you are liable to take the new good relationship that you say that you have for granted and lose it all over again.

 

I mentioned this in my second post. I was not obsessing over this at all until last night and it's not something I really give that much thought to unless there's a specific reason (mutual friend mentions ex, or as was the case last night something he commented on popped up in my newsfeed sooo I wasn't 'on his page', though that is by the by). Yes I would agree I am immature in a lot of ways relationship wise, not helped by the confidence knock and bruised ego from how my previous relationship turned out. I don't actually believe I have been playing mind games either, although the insecurity is something I fully admit to and which I am working on as best I can.

 

We ALL have to face rejection at some point in our lives. ALL of us … and it is highly likely that we will ALL have to let go of someone we don't feel we want to so that we can move on with our lives and create a new happiness for ourselves.

 

You are hanging unnecessarily onto your ex and I don't really understand why. You really should delete him from Facebook if it means you are going to continue to obsess over your past relationship with him. That isn't fair on your current boyfriend. He should be your main concern and priority, not your ex.

 

Relationships end. Some end good, some end bad, some end slow. However they end, we all have to move on at some point and no doubt your ex realised this. You really need to get over it.

This is also all true but again I referred to this already, I do not make a habit of obsessing over my ex. I don't understand why it bothers me either tbh, but then I don't understand why it bothers me when other people have cut me out of their lives in the past. Logically, if someone doesn't want you in their life then they aren't worth your effort in trying to make them part of yours but that doesn't make it easier to deal with when you're in that position. Besides all this, my current boyfriend is my main concern and priority because again, this post was only made in a moment of weakness and honestly I wish I could just go back and delete this thread altogether and forget about the embarrassment of having made such a stupid post in the first place but there you go...

 

Block your ex on Facebook. Looking at his page is nothing more than you keeping emotionally involved with him and it's not fair to your current boyfriend that you keep reaching back to you ex by looking at his Facebook page.

I have already mentioned this but just to be clear, I was not looking at his Facebook page. A post he commented on popped up in my newsfeed which wasn't something I could really have avoided.

 

Sorry if my reply seems at all aggressive, I guess that may just come back to the bruised ego again! And perhaps a tinge of embarrassment because I do genuinely feel foolish about putting this much thought into a post and then actually posting it. Once I got up this morning (after making this thread last night) I actually felt very stupid and just wanted to delete it but unfortunately I then discovered that's not possible so I am stuck with the evidence of what was just one moment of weakness. Normally I guess people can forget they had these, right? At least it wasn't a message to him asking him why it has ended up this way I guess, I'd rather be told these home truths on here (which I do actually appreciate!) than be stuck with the aftermath of that type of message.

 

Thank you for your replies anyhow. Again I do apologise for the stupidity of the original post, but reading the replies (reluctantly I might add, once I realised how brutally honest they were going to be, lol!) has helped put me in a stronger frame of mind and hopefully if another moment of weakness every occurs I can just bury it and let it go rather than flapping about the intricate details to strangers online.

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I have already mentioned this but just to be clear, I was not looking at his Facebook page. A post he commented on popped up in my newsfeed which wasn't something I could really have avoided.

 

I didn't necessarily mean look at his page as such, I just meant having any means of connection via Facebook whether that be news feeds, comments from mutual friends etc.

 

Sorry if my reply seems at all aggressive, I guess that may just come back to the bruised ego again! And perhaps a tinge of embarrassment because I do genuinely feel foolish about putting this much thought into a post and then actually posting it. Once I got up this morning (after making this thread last night) I actually felt very stupid and just wanted to delete it but unfortunately I then discovered that's not possible so I am stuck with the evidence of what was just one moment of weakness. Normally I guess people can forget they had these, right? At least it wasn't a message to him asking him why it has ended up this way I guess, I'd rather be told these home truths on here (which I do actually appreciate!) than be stuck with the aftermath of that type of message.

 

Thank you for your replies anyhow. Again I do apologise for the stupidity of the original post, but reading the replies (reluctantly I might add, once I realised how brutally honest they were going to be, lol!) has helped put me in a stronger frame of mind and hopefully if another moment of weakness every occurs I can just bury it and let it go rather than flapping about the intricate details to strangers online.

 

You really have no need to apologise and you don't have any need to be embarrassed. At least it might make you think again if a similar situation should occur. Instead of investing too much thought into it you can push it aside knowing that it isn't something to get worked up over because whatever emotion may have hit you at that moment, you now know it will quickly pass.

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I have already mentioned this but just to be clear, I was not looking at his Facebook page. A post he commented on popped up in my newsfeed which wasn't something I could really have avoided.

 

To avoid seeing anything he writes popping up on your newsfeed, BLOCK HIM. That solves that problem. Not blocking him is you leaving the door ajar for him to enter and exit at will. That door needs to be nailed shut.

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