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Losing it..


Rene11

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I searched and found this forum...I am a lost soul. My boyfriend of almost 4 years moved out tonight. The saddest thing is, we have been friends since 8th grade. He has been my friend and I have always thought the world of him. We were friends through each others divorces...and were completely platonic. We then blossomed into a love relationship. I found as we got to know each other from living together...that friend became farther away. I am lost...he turned into this jealous, controlling nightmare, and moved out over 10 times in the past three and a half years. When he threatened it again tonight..I said, just go then. And so he did. I feel like I have lost the love of my life, and my best friend. I don't even know who he is anymore. The thing is, whenever this happens, I always call him and beg him to come back. I just can't do it anymore. I am incredibly sad.

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Wow...that is really on the money. So many apply. The latest heinous crimes I committed were working out with my friends at my house (he said he knows what it means when a woman starts trying to lose weight). He came home and my friend and I were doing xbox exercises. He grabbed himself some pizza and sat down behind us on the couch. It was awkward for both of us. He sat there and told me how I was doing the exercises wrong. My friend just left. When I said he could have went upstairs and watch television, he stated that he should not have to go anywhere in the house since he lives here. (He pays no bills, by the way) He used to pay bills, but the last time he moved out, he stopped the direct deposit on our bank account. We had paid his bills early in the month. I did not know he was going to stop his money, so I could not pay my mortgage that month. When we got back together, he told me he didn't want to talk about it, and he had given me plenty of money in the past Then he put new furniture on layaway for his house. He then lived here without paying any bills, left plenty of messes for me to clean up, and complained about everything I did. I cannot believe that I miss him. When he left, the very first thing he did was unfriend me on Facebook. Really? He is 49..and the first concern he had was to unfriend me and change his relationship status. I don't understand this sadness...I should be rejoicing. He also complained that I had changes my cover photo to my children and I...and not him and I. And....my posts were too happy. What is his problem? Who thinks like that?

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As I read this, I just keep shaking my head. Unbelievable. He said he was leaving because I don't act like I love him anymore. The whole thing started last weekend when we had a childless weekend and could do anything we wanted. I suggested snuggling up together to a movie. He said, Nope...don't feel like it. He then picked things I had no interest whatsoever in, and I finally went upstairs to watch tv. I told him, hey...when what you are watching is over, come get me. He never did. So, I pay for a cable bill to not watch what I want on the television, and have my boyfriend (who pays nothing) ignore me. From there, he went out of his way to do things to irritate me. Then, he flipped it and said I was acting weird. I have questioned my sanity so many times with this man. Every time he leaves, he knows I am the one to call and bring it back together. The last time this happened, I called after a few days, telling him I missed him. He laughed and said I was predictable. He then returns to his old ways. The thing that really go me was the venom he spewed as I told him to leave. He insulted my parenting, my housekeeping, my job, and my friends. He said that he now sees what my ex husband was talking about...On many occasions, he has called me the "C" word, and thrown things. He always says I drove him to it. I seriously have been thinking I had lost my mind. I do not think he will ever try to reel me back. If I don't initiate it, he does nothing. He is too proud. He has a sense of entitlement like nothing I have ever seen. And all the time he lived here, he never had time to do anything I asked for, but I always did everything for him. My neighbor even has to snow blow my driveway. You would think he would be embarrassed as a man. This is really helping me to see that it was not me.

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You have no idea how much this is helping me. I have struggled with this...thinking maybe I am missing something...His testosterone levels are low...he is frequently non-compliant with his medication, he has high blood pressure. I would say to myself..what if it is not him? What if I am missing something here? If you love someone, you don't turn your back on them...and that is the caregiver in me. I am a registered nurse..oncology and believe it or not, psych. I wish I could get the fact that I love him out of my head. He clearly does not love me. Or himself for that matter.

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