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I feel like dying


Barbro Svan

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Me and my boyfriend broke up 2 days ago and I can't help but cry. I feel like I'm being eaten up from the inside. Like as if someone has stabbed me. I have never felt this bad, I can't eat nor sleep. And it's only been 2days. Please tell me this is normal, that it's part of the healing process.

The last thing he told me was that he hated me. How can you hate someone you've been with and claimed to love just a week prior to the breakup. I have tried. To get him back but he refuses to talk to me. I honestly feel so lost right now. What should I do?

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I think the first week or so it is normal to feel so desperately lost and confused. This will be especially magnified due to the terrible words he has left you with. What is important now is to cut off all contact, any contact you have with him will only prolong the healing process - and seeing as you're in so much pain now I would hope that you wouldn't want that to happen.

Maybe purchase some herbal tablets that will help you get back to your sleeping pattern or do anything that helps you relax at night. It's okay to depend on other things right now as long as they are not harmful to you, in order to keep yourself going.

It might be cliche to say, but time heals all. It is an awful thing to go through especially when it is so fresh, and it is hard to believe that this time next week, and this time next month you will be feeling much better.

I can't stress enough how important it is to remain no contact with him. This will only push him away further, and know that if he ever wants to reconcile he will get in contact immediately. It is not up to you to keep reminding him that you are there and waiting for him. I hope you can keep posting through this, it will make you feel much better

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Thank you so much for this advice. I think I may need to look into herbal tablets. Lack of sleep is really starting to mess with my mood. I know I'm not supposed to contact him but it's so hard. Today I pretty much forced my cousin to write to him but he never answered. I just don't understand how someone can become so ice cold. We even used to live together before he moved to his uni campus. How can someone just forget about the time you spent with a person.

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Thank you. It really is tuff. I wouldn't even wish this pain on my worst enemy lol.

We are both 23 and we dated for a year, lived together for 5month during the summer period. Our personalities are like night and day. He's calm, super polite and smart. Got 4 of his guy friends he grew up with, doesn't really believe in making new friends. He has no female friends. He can get a bit jealous sometimes. He's truly a gentleman and always there for people when needed. And he always want to solve a problem after talking.

I'm pretty much the same but I'm a super social person, I hate talking and hate talking things through especially after an argument. I do have guy friends, even really close ones.

We would always have arguments about my guy friends, about them being to close to me. One of my guy friends I've known for 8 years and I decided to cut contact with him because the arguments were getting too much. I seriously regret that now.

When we broke up it was because my ex had sent me a message telling me he was coming to my city to visit with his parents and asked if I would like to join them for dinner. I greed to join them for dinner. My bf came that day from north of England where he is studying to surprise me and read those messages on my phone. Before I could even get a word out he had stormed out of the house. At first I thought he just needed time to cool off but he never came home to me, he stayed at a hotel for the night then took the train back the next day.

We been through so much together both good and bad. When we weren't living together we would talk to each other everyday for hours non stop. I mean even if I hated a person I would at least answer them once, he hasn't answered my text nor calls for 3 days. And I feel super pathetic. I even travelled 4 hours to his city and begged him to see me. I have texted him everyday, I just totally suck at NC. And he still hates though I'm trying so hard to prove to him how much I want to be with him.

 

 

The first week is the worst. This is normal. Things will be very hard for sometime but you have to hold on.

 

How long you guys dated? How old are you both? Details would be nice.

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Sweetie this is normal. People go through situations like these everyday. It's natural unfortunately. Your parents had to go through this.

 

If you can't stick to NC, eventually he'll tell you to stay away (with another words). If you want him back, you're doing exactly the oposite you should. I've been on both sides of the coin so I know how it is when you want space and your ex partner keeps pressuring you.

 

Just...Hold on. Go out with friends. Keep your mind busy. And for Christ sake, don't stay home for too long. If you have a day off, find something to do outside. Right now you are your own savior and nemesis. I don't care if your only option is to throw rocks at the river. DO IT.

 

And stay strong dear. We're here if you need to vent.

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Thank you very much for your support. You know today I woke up in such a good mood. I even left the house for the first time after our break up. But the when I got home I had received a text from my cousin saying that he wrote to her. I looked through my mail and he had written to me too.

 

This is what my cousin wrote:

 

Hi. I'm writing to you bc of my cousin. She have told me what happened and I told her many times that she need to see things from your point of view. And sometimes my cousin does things whitout thinking.. but really never heard her like this, she is all depressed and really really do care for you. And as a cousin I thought I can try to reach out too you. she loves you and is really sorry for the wrongs she done too you. Can you somewhere in your heart try to forgive her or atleast talk to her so you can come to a soild ground together? Hopefully atleast think about it bc I care for her deply and want her to be happy. And her happiness is whit you.

 

 

This is what he wrote:

 

Hi Mary, sorry that you got involved in all this but there is hardly anything i can do, this is probably the third or forth time me and her are breaking up over something like this and i just cant keep on forgiving her anymore im tired of her lies, tired of feeling like the second best she obviously still wants to have some kind of connection with her ex boyfriend which is absolutely fine but i respect myself enough to know where to walk away and i wont push myself where im not welcomed.

Wish you all the best

 

 

This is what I wrote to him:

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything I've been recommended and I can't seem to get it right. This sort of pain is wrong. I just wish I could make it go away

 

This is what he replied:

 

Tried exactly what ?

 

 

I havent vent replied to his message yet. I don't know if I should. It took me three days to get some sort of sanity and I'm worried that if I reply I will end up getting hurt even more. I don't even understand why he decided to reply now after ignoring me for three days. What has all of a sudden changed?

 

 

Sweetie this is normal. People go through situations like these everyday. It's natural unfortunately. Your parents had to go through this.

 

If you can't stick to NC, eventually he'll tell you to stay away (with another words). If you want him back, you're doing exactly the oposite you should. I've been on both sides of the coin so I know how it is when you want space and your ex partner keeps pressuring you.

 

Just...Hold on. Go out with friends. Keep your mind busy. And for Christ sake, don't stay home for too long. If you have a day off, find something to do outside. Right now you are your own savior and nemesis. I don't care if your only option is to throw rocks at the river. DO IT.

 

And stay strong dear. We're here if you need to vent.

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He replied because you got someone else involved and he probably realized that if he didn't answer you, you would keep at him.

 

If this is the 3rd or 4th break up over your boundaries with your ex...then he has had it.

I am curious as well...what have you tried?

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Yes I suppose your right, he rally has had it this time. I was writing to him every single day and calling. Two days after out breakup I traveled 4hours to his town to talk to him but he wouldn't see me.

 

He replied because you got someone else involved and he probably realized that if he didn't answer you, you would keep at him.

 

If this is the 3rd or 4th break up over your boundaries with your ex...then he has had it.

I am curious as well...what have you tried?

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Not about forgiveness. It is about breaking up over the same issues 4-5 times.

He has more respect for himself than to keep doing the same thing over and over.

If your connection to your wx is stronger than your respect for him, he knows he deserves better.

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I had a talk with my ex about not having any contact anymore. I even spoke to my mother about it so that she can at least stop inviting them over. My ex and his family aren't that important to me, I could live without then. And I would never pick my ex before him, I just wish he could understand. I just want him back real bad.

 

Not about forgiveness. It is about breaking up over the same issues 4-5 times.

He has more respect for himself than to keep doing the same thing over and over.

If your connection to your wx is stronger than your respect for him, he knows he deserves better.

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I dont know the dynamics of the X and you. Maybe you are good friends, maybe you are not, I dont know. Anyway.. this is how I see it.

You are better off without him. You two are not compatible. And before you try to convince me and yourself and say "but we had great times" Just think of all the bad times. Does a relationship have to be so hard? Must it have all that drama?

You really think that a healthy relationship is one that you have good times inbetween all the break ups? You love the Idea of what 'it could be' however you two are not ment to be thats all. You can have a great time with another guy who is more compatable with you.

Think about it, imagine a guy who you flow with instead of having friction? You dont have to sacrifice your guy friends to have a good relationship.

I personally would have a problem with someone who is still really chummy with more than one X. To me that says that I might be the next 'buddy' in waiting. So I would be very hesitant about entering a committed relationship with someone like that...but thats just me.

On your original post... its normal to feel what you are feeling. And know that in the long run this is the best for you. It might not seem like it now, but it is the best. You just made room for someone better thats all.

I dont know this guy, but sounds like he did make a few 'power play' moves. That or you just gave him an excuse to end it all with you or perhaps both. He wants you to leave him alone. So leave him alone. And you ask how can someone be so cold? Thats because they want to hurt you before you hurt them. So he said what he said to hurt you. That was the purpose. He was hurt so he hurt you back.

Youll be fine, rely on your friends....things will get better with time.

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You're right were proberly not ment for each other but in my silly mind he's the man of my dreams, soulmate etc lol

I'm just going to take one day at a time. Wait for a few month, if I realise that he really is the only one for me then I'll let him know, if not then I suppose I will have moved on anyways after a few month. How long does it usually take to get over some? I pray to god it doesn't take me 6month, got bloody university to focus on. He did write today, I don't know if he wrote because I went NC for a day or because my cousin wrote two days ago and he just wants to tell me nicely to "bugger off". I've decided to ignore his message, it won't do me nor him any good anyways. Might just end up leading to an argument.

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Talking or emailing him wont change the fact that you two were not ment to be together. So I wouldnt bother even reading any messages he sends you. If it is that tremendously important he will see you. Hey, you drove 4hrs to talk to him and he wanted nothing from you, so let him go.

That is drama that you dont need, you have other things to deal with let alone wondering what he has to say and you are right, you two will only end up arguing and youll be back to crying in no time.

Listen, if he was the man of your dreams, your soulmate would you break up with him 4 times and have arguments over everything? He doesnt accept your life and thats fine, he can go out and find a girl that he is more comptable with..and you can find a guy you are more on par with.

This doesnt have to be complicated you know...you control the drama level...if you want drama, then read the emails and respond and if you dont, simply ignore him, eventually he will get the hint.

You want drama or no drama?

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