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I just can't get excited about anything anymore


TheD87

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I don't what to do anymore. I get up every day, go to work, and when I come home I just want to lay in my bed and do nothing. All weekend all I want to do is do nothing. I am constantly tired, don't get excited and have no desire to go an do anything. Hanging out with my friends don't seem appealing to me now and I don't know why, I have turned down a couple invitations to go out and usually find myself staying in on Fridays and Saturday nights. I am good at putting up a facade and give excuses as to why I am not going out, so no one knows anything is up, everyone sees me as a happy go lucky guy, but that is just not me at all lately. I had two awful relationships the past year and finally decided I should try dating again, and I have been on a couple dates this month, but I just couldn't get excited about it either, and ended up just kind of letting the communication with those girls die and they fizzled out. I just kind of feel like there is no point to my life now, I work and don't get paid that great, come home and just wait to work the next day. And it's not that I don't like my job either, I work with some good people and the line of work I am in is more fun to me than most jobs, I am just in a rut I guess. I have no motivation, my self confidence is at an all time low, I really don't know what to do. I dealt with this a little over the summer, and it got better a little bit but now it has come back worse than before. In my 26 years of life I have never felt anything like this until this year. It kind of scares me, because I have usually been able to stay pretty optimistic about life and breeze past rough spots. And right now isn't particularly rough in my life either, other than getting over some bad breakups, the stuff going on in my life isn't bad. I can't really explain it, but I really do not like the way I feel. All I ever want to do is just cuddle up in bed and do nothing. It kind of scares me, does anyone have any suggestions because I really hate the way I am right now, and it just kind of makes me get mad at myself for feeling like this.

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D87...Have you ever been diagnosed with depression? Also, Have you considered that could be a possibility?

 

 

I was going to ask the same things. You seem to have all the signs of depression. I've been through it before and felt like you.

 

I would talk to a psychiatrist or therapist, if you can.

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Hi D87,

 

I tend to agree with the others. It does sound like you are suffering from depression - which could possibly be seasonal (SAD) I'm sure you know in yourself, that this is a very serious condition. You have tried to cope with it for quite some time, on your own.

 

You're obviously a fighter, but please do not go on feeling like this alone. Please don't take it lightly. Depression is a killer. Depression is more than simply feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days. We all go through spells of feeling down, but when you're depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days.

 

Some people still think that depression is trivial and not a genuine health condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms, and it's not a sign of weakness or something you can "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together". The good news is that with the right treatment and support, most people can make a full recovery.

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It sounds to me like you're just in a funk. I wouldn't read too much into it (unless you think it might mean something more).

 

Maybe you just need some me-time. Maybe you need a change - say a different city or to travel abroad. Or maybe you feel like you haven't found "your purpose"!?!

 

In the meantime, I think you should embrace the me-time and spoil yourself.

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I kind of thought I was bordering on depression this summer, but I was someone who thought I could snap myself out of it and honestly I came close to doing that. I had to take the BAR exam so I made myself study daily, and I also met a women that for a few months I really fell for and we moved pretty quickly, and I got caught up in football season and traveled and went out with friends for all the games and I wouldn't say I shook it, but I kept myself so busy that I didn't have time to feel down. Then my relationship with that girl fell apart in an awful way, and she was not a nice person and her hurtful words plus the bad breakup kind of set me back a little bit, and its been a while and I have tried denying that I was feeling depressed again for the longest time, just telling myself it was a phase, trying to go on dates with people and tell myself I was fine, but I don't know, it just doesn't seem to be working this time. I passed the bar, got a job and am working now so I really shouldn't feel this down. It's also been a few months since the breakup and honestly I think I am over her, so that really shouldn't be an issue either. So I really don't get why I still feel crappy.

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It sounds to me like you're just in a funk. I wouldn't read too much into it (unless you think it might mean something more).

 

Maybe you just need some me-time. Maybe you need a change - say a different city or to travel abroad. Or maybe you feel like you haven't found "your purpose"!?!

 

In the meantime, I think you should embrace the me-time and spoil yourself.

 

I can't really move now, I just passed the BAR exam in Michigan, so if I want to work as a lawyer in another state I'd have to pass their bar exam or wait 5 years when some states would let you practice if you were licensed for 5 years. I traveled to LA at the beginning of the month to watch the national title game and my alma mater won the championship so that was a nice distraction, but I was right back in my funk pretty quickly after getting home. Im going to New Orleans next week for a friends bachelor party, so maybe that will help.

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It sounds to me like you're just in a funk. I wouldn't read too much into it (unless you think it might mean something more).

 

Maybe you just need some me-time. Maybe you need a change - say a different city or to travel abroad. Or maybe you feel like you haven't found "your purpose"!?!

 

In the meantime, I think you should embrace the me-time and spoil yourself.

 

You are correct but the only way to "officially" know is to get diagnosed by a professional. I have been clinically diagnosed before with all the symptoms that the OP has said in the post.

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I can relate to how you're feeling. I am in a similar situation where most things aren't so bad, but relationship stuff is just something I take really hard. Doesn't matter that I have a good family, some friends, and at least a serviceable job. The relationship stuff trumps them all for whatever reason.

 

The most important thing I can tell you is that you're only 26. I know it's hard to put that in perspective but I'm 32 and I feel a lot of pressure to meet someone and, in general, improve my life. You've got so much time, just try to realize that and not take each day so hard. In the last six years (since I was 26) I went through a painful breakup with the girl I thought I was going to marry, got a new job and made about a half a dozen new friends, met another girl and dated her for 2 1/2 years, went through that breakup and have had relationships since. I've changed jobs once as well. What I'm trying to say is that I've experienced all of that from your age until now. You have A LOT of experiences ahead of you that you don't even realize are coming. Try to look forward to all of it and enjoy the fact that there is lots to come.

 

You sound like you have a group of friends that genuinely want to hang out with you. I would pick one or maybe even two that would be best to discuss this kind of thing and tell them how you're feeling. I'm a guy and I often think my friends don't want to hear this kind of thing but the times I've broken down and told them what was going on it was immensely helpful. If you don't want to do that then seek out a family member or see a therapist. I'm doing the latter right now and it's early going so I can't say how successful it's been, but it's definitely better than nothing.

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Thanks for the responses everyone. I post here because in real life I can't talk to people about my feelings, I don't know why but I just can't really, it's kind of how I was raised. I'm not sure I'd be able to open up to a therapist, I know I couldn't afford one now probably either. And I don't like talking about my feelings, and don't really think I could talk to my family about it. I don't share a lot about personal stuff with them, my parents didn't even know I was dating the last girl that I had the awful breakup with, and I was with her (off and on) for 5 months. My mom kind of figured out the day we broke up something was going on, but she had no clue I was seeing anyone. My friends aren't really people I'd go to either. One of them used to bug me to get back in touch with my ex to get some from her, even after all the crap she put me through, and he knew about it all too (it's documented in here). And a lot of my friends are your normal mid 20s guys, they want to go out drinking and hooking up with girls. I mean that doesn't appeal to me anymore. Alcoholism runs in my family, and drinking is part of the thing that led to the fight my ex and I got into the day we "broke up" (both of us were drunk). So I kind of stopped drinking after that day and haven't been drunk since. I also never really got the hooking up with girls thing, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like women, but I guess I have always wanted more than a meaningless hookup. I've wanted someone I could spend time with and enjoy being around, I guess I am a male hopeless romantic if you could say that. I try to get out with my friends some, I got myself out of the house twice this weekend, once to go to a hockey game and once to go to a bar to watch a basketball game. Sports are about my only escape right now. I turned down going out last night to the bars with my friends though and stayed in. I really don't know if it is a rut or something more. I just think maybe if I give it time I can pull myself out of it.

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...in real life I can't talk to people about my feelings, I don't ...I don't like talking about my feelings, and don't really think I could talk to my family about it. I don't share a lot about personal stuff with them... My friends aren't really people I'd go to either.

 

It's a safe life you live, one that keeps you from getting hurt often. But it's flat, lifeless, loveless, and dull. Perhaps you prevent yourself from feeling (depression). Perhaps you stop yourself from experiencing love, intimacy and connectedness with your friends and family.

 

It makes sense, your friends and family are tough. Alcoholism, drinking, and hooking up aren't things you really want in your life, and that's what's being offered. Learn to give and accept love. Identify good people for you and develop the intimate, loving connections in which you can share these feelings.

 

If you hold yourself back from the world you're not really going to experience it. If you're not experiencing it, it's no wonder you're not excited. It's like going to a restaurant without sampling the food, Disneyland without just looking at the rides, or a museum in which you never venture past the lobby. Interesting for what they are but incomplete.

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It sounds to me like you're just in a funk. I wouldn't read too much into it (unless you think it might mean something more).

 

Maybe you just need some me-time. Maybe you need a change - say a different city or to travel abroad. Or maybe you feel like you haven't found "your purpose"!?!

 

In the meantime, I think you should embrace the me-time and spoil yourself.

 

A funk is a mild sort of depression.

 

Take it from someone who was in a "funk" for 6-7 weeks.

 

I put on a facade as well, and found reasons to not go out or have fun. I was ALWAYS tired, tried to get excited but couldn't, and was generally down in the dumps.

 

Cost me the best relationship I'd ever had too. I didn't want her knowing what I was going through.

 

I didn't want anyone knowing what I was going through.

 

OP, forcing yourself to work out helps. The rush of energy goes a long way. Eating small amounts throughout the day helps too.

 

Melatonin to make sure you get a restful night's sleep (that was my biggest issue - I wasn't sleeping, so it made all the symptoms worse).

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  • 3 years later...

Hi there, I sort of curious to know did you receive any help? How do you feel now? I very much feel the same way. I have been withdrawing myself from all social activities and I feel tired all the time. I behave normally when I am around people but I just look forward to go home and do nothing. I feel sad and empty inside. I went through a very rough patch in my relationship recently. Things are getting better but in between all that it feels like I lost something of me somewhere.

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