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Broke up but scared


Bluebell

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Hi all, new to this site but needed help and reasurnace.

 

I split with muy husband about November time and not long later got with an old friend, everything was all exciting at first and it was nice to have all the things that on a personal level i wasnt in the marrage. But the new guy never seemed to want to meet or be together, all over xmas he was busy and only texted didnt call etc.....I really like him and know i am being used, but he says hes not using me it was just all casual and i need to chill out! So i gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to chill.....Now I have tried to finish with him and he says he doesnt want to he likes me too much, so again i gave him the benefit but yesterday he was really funny with me when i texted him and it just reminded me of the marrage i was stuck in, talked doen to me so i told him to f%&*( off and that i could do better.

 

Now here is the problem, I really like him and its easy for people to say OMG walk away hes horrible....But im starting to regret my decision v he hasnt called or texted either x

 

Sorry about any bad spelling, this was rushed

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I think it's always scary when you break a pattern of behavior or habit, which is essentially what you've done with the new guy. You recognize he wasn't treating you well, you just got out of a marriage where presumably you weren't happy and/or weren't being treated well. And you've started standing up for yourself and shedding toxic people out of your life. It will tend to make you feel bad at first, guilty or worried but hang on and keep going. The rewards are more than worth it when you find yourself no longer having to deal with toxic people and those who are not toxic find you instead. Yes, it stings right now but that pain will be over much faster than if you try and hang on to him, let him hurt you more and more, develop more and more obsession with him over it--I say that because I've come to view needing someone around who treats you badly as an obsession-type behavior, not love--and then have him finally call it quits on you. Usually in a more brutal manner than less too since typically when someone treats you badly they enjoy doing so.

 

So no, you did nothing wrong. You should be proud you stood up for yourself and you should realize this guy wasn't all that great if this is how he acted at the beginning of the relationship. Also my advice would be that you take some time for yourself, work on your own life and self-esteem and happiness before you go rushing off to try and find the nearest guy to replace your marriage. You need to time to process the divorce and to decide what it is you want to do with your life. That is the wrong time to be looking for a man (or woman if you're a guy etc.) and that sort of thing leaves you vulnerable to people who sense your desperation or loneliness and decide to use it to their advantage.

 

Learn to be happy on your own, don't tolerate bad behavior, bad manners or inconsiderate behavior from others and you'll do fine. It's the start of a new year and a new life for you. Embrace it and be happy and be proud that you are refusing to let others mistreat you or dictate that you wait around for them. Good luck and whatever you do, don't apologize or reach out to this guy when you know you didn't do anything wrong.

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