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Giving up...


dbryan1978

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I wanted to ask, has anyone ever just gave up on finding love? If you did, how did you cope with it? What did you do to take your mind off of never having someone special in your life? I'm at the point where I'm convinced that there is no one out there for me and am close to accepting it.

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I have decided I am not suited to r'ships.

I am hardwired to be attracted to disordered men who cant Love.

I have resigned myself to a life alone. How to cope?

Rather than wallow in the delusion of how things would be better if I had a partner, I remind myself of how it never stacks up to what one imagines. There are too many compromises to be made. Most couples take each other for granted and just tire of each other after a while.

R'ships are just too hard and complicated.

I'm not looking for another.....

I feel stronger alone...

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Hi there, I know u probably think I'm a touch young to post here but just hear me out... Sometimes relationships are just horrible, you never find the right person and its just disappointments and mistakes, I won't lie to you, some people never find 'the one'. The thing is that you shouldn't focus on the fact of whether you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, as silly as it seems its really not everything in life although it may feel like it is because its hard wired into our species as a way of allowing the species to continue. I would suggest trying not to focus on it, try and be as happy as you can and get as much enjoyment out of life as you can. Do things you like, things that you find fun or engaging or productive. Stay busy. In my experience, people who are like that when they are alone are the people who attract the loveliest people (even though it can take a few misses) and end up leading the happiest lives because they're able to survive and be happy either way.

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I wanted to ask, has anyone ever just gave up on finding love? If you did, how did you cope with it? What did you do to take your mind off of never having someone special in your life? I'm at the point where I'm convinced that there is no one out there for me and am close to accepting it.

 

Ha! I'm sorry, but there's so much love in the world that I find it silly one would give up on it. Practice love every day and love will find you.

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Ha! I'm sorry, but there's so much love in the world that I find it silly one would give up on it. Practice love every day and love will find you.

You're right, I see all the love in the world, but it doesn't see me. I've been in relationships, but when I think things are going great, it's over. I'm told I deserve better. Everytime I open my heart to someone, it's ripped apart. I see all my friends in love, and I wonder why it hasn't happened to me yet. I'm almost 36 and I'm convinced that I will never find it. I said in another thread that I want to be a father, I want to tell someone about my day.

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You're right, I see all the love in the world, but it doesn't see me. I've been in relationships, but when I think things are going great, it's over. I'm told I deserve better. Everytime I open my heart to someone, it's ripped apart. I see all my friends in love, and I wonder why it hasn't happened to me yet. I'm almost 36 and I'm convinced that I will never find it. I said in another thread that I want to be a father, I want to tell someone about my day.

 

What exactly is your definition of 'finding love?' You've been in relationships. You must have gotten something out if them (the opportunity to tell someone about your day?). They were good at some point. Relationships come and go, heart break comes with the territory, you're finding love. There's also friends, family, and community as sources of love. As ceelambrini says give love.

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Yes, I did. I got busy living the life I wanted and put it to the side choosing instead to lavish my love on my family, my kids, my friends and the animals I gathered around me after buying an abandoned ranch. I kept busy at building a new life for me and my kids, and at one point decided I wanted to try something I'd always wanted to do--Japanese ink painting. I found a class at a small studio where it was being taught, started taking lessons and liked it. It's how I met the man who is my current SO, we didn't go to that class trying to find love. We each went because we wanted to learn how to paint, but that's where we found each other. Doing something we each loved and happy with who we were and the lives we were leading.

 

I never found love when I went "looking for it" or actively pursuing it. I did find a lot of heartbreak and frustration though. I think it's better to concentrate on having a good life, on recognizing you have love to give and give to many different people and sources and then if someone is lucky enough to find you and want some of that love too, then great. But if it doesn't happen you are still happy, still able to give your love to those who are important to you.

 

Also you need to learn why or what about the past relationships brought about failure. In my case I would ignore red flags and just go with the way someone made me feel, even when I knew it was a bad idea or the person wasn't a good person. No surprise I got my heart broken. So maybe focus in on that too and if you need some extra help figuring out see a good counselor or therapist. It won't hurt anything and yes, it can make all the difference. Better than 99 percent of the time I think we know when someone is going to hurt us, but we tend to excuse away or invalidate our own knowledge and try to make things fit that really shouldn't.

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Why would I try to convince myself of something I couldn't possibly know and wouldn't want to be true?

 

How would that serve me and my best interests?

 

I'm well beyond my youth, but my optimism and loving spirit grows more robust as I mature.

 

I've never married, I'm past childbearing, and I'm not on a hunt. If romantic love ever finds me, that would be wonderful, but there are too many other facets of living that absorb me and allow me to express my love of humanity.

 

A girlfriend and I were walking in a park, and we spotted an elderly couple cuddling on a bench. She said, "I'm jealous. I envy them their history together." I asked, "How do you know they didn't just meet?"

 

Your mind is the steward of your spirit. You can squelch it or you can cultivate it. It's a decision.

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I've asked myself this question too. My daughter worries bc she says in 3years she will graduate,go to college and I will be alone. I don't go to clubs or really any place besides the grocery store that love could find me. But I have made peace with what is and right now that is drawing on my own inner strength to get through the day. I do pray that someday I will find a special someone but I am also ok if that day never comes.

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I accept it more and more everyday because regardless of what anyone says I see what goes on in the world around me which is attractive and successful people get whoever they want and if you aren't those things you don't. It's not pessimism or a lack of confidence it's simply seeing the facts in front of you and understanding it is the way it is.

 

I'm 29 and had one 4.5 year relationship that ended 2.5 years ago and the more I look back on it I realize that was the exception and not the rule for me especially when I look at how it ended and how she grew as the relationship went on. Even though I did have that time period and I am grateful of some of what came of it I look at life before that and life since and see my countless shortcomings and zero luck and realize that is really who I am.

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I haven't given up, that would be like admitting defeat when I haven't really been defeated.

 

Instead, I have decided to cultivate a life without a partner, and work on my own needs, and be happy alone.

If I gave up, that would mean that I would never allow another person into my life, and I am still open to the idea, however, if that doesn't happen, I will continue to live a full, rich life alone, which I find I am more than capable of doing.

 

Giving up is the attitude of a loser. Finding positive in a seemingly negative situation is the attitude of a winner!

 

Never admit defeat!

 

-LR

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