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How do I prove to him that I'm satisfied?


Scarlet2

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My man keeps saying he feels like he's not satisfying me because I want to keep going at it. I reassure him he is, I'm enjoying everything, but now I'm wondering if it's normal for me to want to keep going or not. Granted my orgasms aren't the same intensity with him as when I masturbate alone but he IS pleasing me and I vocalize it so how can I prove to him that I really am satisfied? I think he figures I'm supposed to pop like a man and then be spent and because I'm not, he feels like he's not doing a good job? I don't want to fake it and I definitely don't want to stop if I haven't orgasmed... He keeps mentioning wanting me to squirt but I don't think he really knows what that entails but he feels if he can get me to do that, then I will be satisfied because he thinks that's the ultimate orgasm.

 

I feel bad that he feels like that and I'm partly to blame because when I'm alone, I'll make myself orgasm at least five times before I stop and I guess I'm carrying that over to sex. What do I do? Am I normal or abnormal for wanting multiple orgasms? How do I prove he's satisfying me?

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My GF is unsatisfied if I don't give her multiple squirting orgasms, so no you are not abnormal. I was in your BF's position and my GF was the only woman I couldn't give an orgasm, it ate away at my confidence. It took a while but we lucked into a spot that always make her squirt. Just keep trying new things and explore.

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In this instance I feel that the issue requiring "fixing" is his, not yours.

 

I don't know if you can squirt, but even those few I've known who can haven't found something "on demand".

 

He's got himself competing with your hand. That's not really healthy and if it keeps up it could negatively affect your sex life (in that he's feeling that he's not up to scratch and you're feeling pressured to "perform" so that he knows he's pleasing you).

 

At some stage I think it might be necessary to say "You are great; I am a woman and like many women don't find myself spent or disinterested after an orgasm. This is not something that should cause you to be insecure and it's making me enjoy it marginally less because I'm worrying about exaggerating my expressions to meet your expectation. Instead, please just accept that I'm being honest with you and I'll tell you if anything is wrong"

 

Ask him what's more important; your genuine pleasure or you acting in a way that matches his incorrect preconceptions of what your pleasure is supposed to look like?

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I think this is all about communication. Explain to him what you explained about in this post. He should understand that and believe you. You are both entitled to how you together share in the pleasure of intimacy. Just focus on communication on this one so that he can adapt to your likes.

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Just tell him you need multiple orgasms in order to feel fully satisfied. Its not unusual-most women want to keep going.

 

And tell him you have all the time in the world to try and figure out other types of orgasms or squirting. Its not necessary right now to do that. Its better if you concentrate on one thing at a time until he gets to know your body and what you like.

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In my honest opinion, I think he is picking up on something real. That you aren't as satisfied as you could be. Rather than trying to negate that, I think it is possible to reassure him And stay totally honest.

 

He seems to have some unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. We aren't perfect; and every time we have sex, it is not some epic porn ending that involves squirting and rolling over in exhaustion. Ohh sometimes it might; but that isn't the standard for sex every time, and it certainly doesn't mean the sex isn't wonderful if that isn't happening all the time.

 

Rather, in my experience, sex is very varied. It depends on mood, it depends on how your body is feeling that particular day, it depends on if you have been masturbating recently, it depends on how well you know your body, it depends on....so many things. Your partners 'performance' is but a wee bit of the whole picture.

 

So my suggestion would be INSTEAD of trying to prove to him anything, just communicate. He's going to have to trust that you will tell him what you are feeling and what you need and what you like, what works for you, what doesn't. Same as you have to trust him to communicate with you.

 

And it never hurts to give plenty of positive reinforcement. Telling him how much you love having sex with him, how excited he gets you, what you like to do, what you like that he does.

 

I hope you two can move past this minor blip and get back to simply enjoying what you got! Which is pretty great, it sounds.

 

By the way, I think you are normal in enjoying multiple orgasms. Of course; they feel great. But I think there is something to be said too for times when....you simply roll over because you are done! hah. Being very relaxed in a relationship is what usually gets me to that point;....time with someone, really trusting them, and really knowing each others bodies well. and like I said, it still is varied - it's not like one kind is 'better ' or 'more normal' than the other.

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