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As the girl, is it okay for me to make the first move? How should I?


rachopin77

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A little background for my situation:

A while back I was considering joining the rowing team at my school, and went to a few practices. Because of other commitments I wasn't actually able to join the team, but now a quite a few people from the rowing team always say hi to me/talk to me when they see me and they're all very nice. I still work out a lot on my own, and the times when I'm able to go to the gym often overlap with the rowing team's practices when they're inside.

 

So there's a guy that I don't know particularly well, but he's cute and seems nice, and I would like to know him better. Until pretty recently, we would just smile and wave at each other when we happened to see one another, but I didn't even know his name and I don't think he knew mine either. It was just sort of a "hey, we did a horrible work out together so I feel some camaraderie" thing. So long story short, he fairly randomly came and sat with me while I was on duty one night (I'm an RA), and stayed for quite a while. He was really easy to talk to, and seemed genuinely nice. After that he was much more familiar, and even somehow found out my name. Now he always makes a point to call out to me or specifically talk to me when he sees me. When I as on duty another night, I was working on some homework and pretty focused, but I sort of became aware of someone trying to get my attention. Sure enough he was passing by and had stood there for a while waiting for me to look up, then came over and talked to me for a bit. Things like that keep happening now when before we'd pretty much never actually talked, but most of the time it's pretty rare for me to get a chance to really talk to him since most of the time I just see him when he's in the middle of rowing practice or heading somewhere specific.

 

I would like to get to know him better, but I'm not really sure how to go about doing that. When he was leaving after the first time he'd come to talk to me there was some of the usual "Hey we should hang out sometime!" "Yeah we should!" "You know so and so right?" etc etc, but that's just sort of what happens often when talking to someone you don't normally spend time with. I'm friends with him on facebook, but I'm not really sure if it's okay for me to invite him to get lunch with me or something or take the initiative to get to know him better. I don't want to just leave everything to chance and wait around, but at the same time, a lot of people say guys don't really like it if a girl takes the initiative or makes the first move. I'd want to do it in a friendly way, but I'm not sure what's okay or won't seem too forward. I'm one of those people who doesn't come accross as really that flirty, and even when I think I'm being flirty I'm probably not. I have a suspicion I give off a lot of "I'm not interested" vibes. So it's hard to tell if I'm being obvious.

 

Any help would be great

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I think he already made the first move and you need to give him more of a green light. I think that instead of saying "yeah we should" about going out sometime that you should suggest something. I have been in the situation of saying "we should hang out sometime" and because the person's response wasn't "yes, will you go out with me?" i didn't have a good response prepared. So the next time you see him, ask him if he wants to do something very specific. Tell him you are working on staying in shape in the off season - would he like to go nature hiking with you on Saturday? And if he is busy, UNLESS he says "i have a girlfriend" try again. Or say "hey, i am hungry, and i thought about trying that new pizza place. Want to come??"

 

You will figure out over time if he is being friendly or he "likes" you.

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Thanks for the responses. I think I might just try it and see what happens. I might just ask him to get lunch with me but do it in a friendly way. Or maybe play off of the conversation we had when he found out I liked Batman and also said he was a fan, and when I jokingly said "Anyone who likes Batman is a friend of mine" he said "Well, I guess that means we're friends now!". It's probably best to just not make it all a huge deal.

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Easiest thing to do next time you see him is say "hey im kinda hungry, want to come to the cafe to get a bite to eat? " even if your not hungry lol, get some coffee. Then when u sit down you can chat more about doing other tjings (gym, on campus movies or other stuff etc)

Hope it works out

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Easiest thing to do next time you see him is say "hey im kinda hungry, want to come to the cafe to get a bite to eat? " even if your not hungry lol, get some coffee. Then when u sit down you can chat more about doing other tjings (gym, on campus movies or other stuff etc)

Hope it works out

 

Thanks! I asked him to get lunch with me. I figured I'd just keep it casual and friendly and we'd get a chance to talk. I hope it works out too...

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I personally love it when girls make the first move, especially in real life. I can be shy at times, and have to be in a certain mindset to make the first move.

 

So it doesn't make you feel like they're being overly masculine or something? I'm already verrry tall, so I feel like that works against me a bit when it comes to seeming feminine

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You're tall! I'm in love! LOL seriously, all of the women I have dated that were taller than me (I am around 5'7" maybe a bit more) have asked me out, either online or in person. I have no problem dating a woman taller than me, but never know which of these women are willing to date men shorter than them. I dont know if you are, but if you are, I think many guys would find that awesome.

 

Two words...neck kissing

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I'm about 6 feet tall, possibly slightly taller, and my general body type is pretty athletic because I exercise a lot. I sort of always assume that guys want the girl to be significantly shorter than them/not have much muscle tone. I personally don't mind if the guy is a bit shorter as long as he doesn't have a habit of constantly drawing attention to the fact that I'm taller than him in an insecure way, like saying things like "Can't you not wear heels? You're too tall already." That's awesome you're not like that though. It's good to know that some guys don't mind!

 

I'm pretty open minded when it comes to who I'd consider dating. Sometimes I wonder if that sets me up for disappointment because a guy I might be attracted to may not be quite as open.

 

This current guy is probably about my height, and he's white (I'm black). Not sure if he's attracted to black girls, but I get an open vibe from him at least. So I guess I'll see what happens.

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It takes a very secure man to date a woman taller, and an even more secure one to encourage her to wear her heels. This is how I've been with dating taller women, although all the ones I've dated have asked me out first. I usually assume they wouldn't be open to dating someone shorter, so I usually dont bother.

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I've dated taller women, it didnt bother me, and i have been approached by taller women -and i have a stalker whos an inch taller than me. Though i prefer really short women. I've never felt small with a tall woman, actually i never feel small until someone takes a pic and i notice the height difference between me and other people.

 

Tall is beautiful to a lot of men who are tall, especially with nice long legs.

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