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Handling the Limbo period - Do I move out


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So my wife and I have had problems, drifted apart over the years etc. Typical story.

 

Recently I suspected she was having an affair, did the reading, found she had all the classic signs. I asked and of course she denied everything.

 

I'm not so fussed about the affair, if it exists it hurts, but it happens. More important is our marriage isn't meeting my needs and makes me desperately unhappy. Has done for years. I'm seeing a councilor for help, who's pointed out my wife is the cause of issues and should really being seeing the councilor to fix her own issues rather than me trying to repair the damage she's done to me.

 

We've had "the talk". I've told her it needs fixing or finishing. We have kids but in Australia it's assumed equal living arrangements so I'm happy to separate and divorce, despite the fact I still madly love my wife. We both have good support networks.

 

Last night was "the talk". I said she needed to go to a marriage Councillor whole heartedly, or not bother and we could split. She doesn't contribute much to these discussions, she never has.

 

This morning she said she still wasn't sure what she wanted, she was "confused" (not having a affair? Yeah right!). But wanted to see a councilor. Confusion means she's not sure about the level of commitment I'm asking for to last the next 40 years.

 

I asked how she wanted to live until she made a decision. Should we separate, play happy families, have separate bedrooms, or be loving and intimate? She wanted the loving and intimate option.

 

Now - here is my question. Loving and intimate suits me just fine. It's fun and fulfilling for me, it's my natural state, my happy place. BUT - am I letting her have an easy excuse to stay in limbo, not make a decision, am I just being strung along? But if I move out am I just driving a bigger wedge? I'm madly in love with my wife, but tough as nails and not prepared to have second best no matter how much it hurts.

 

Any thoughts?

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She is using you. I suggest you kick her out, but if you don't have the heart for that, just move out. You wife is selfish and just likes you for attention..and money. Freeze her out and watch how quickly her tune changes, you shouldn't take her back though.

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