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Ex boyfriend threatened me, what to do?


Miss hunni

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Hey, I'm nearly 30 and havn't had the best luck with men. A few years ago I was raped by my boyfriend at the time. I never went to the police as I was so in denial about it and just kept it to myself. I eventually ended the relationship as I just couldn't take it as he was verbally abusive too. I found out recently he committed suicide, I don't know the reasons why he did it. But it has put some closure to the situation as he must of been in such a bad way to do that. Anyway, I started seeing someone a year after a broke up with him. The guy I was in a relationship recently was great at the start he made me laugh and he told me he was abused as a child, so I decided to tell him about the rape that my ex had done to me, I felt I could trust him and share such a biggest thing. He did tell me he loved me very early in the relationship, and so did I feel the same, I thought wow I have met an amazing man. He had to leave his job when we were together due to someone close to him dying and I was there for him whenever he needed and he knew that. I lent him money to buy a new suit for the funeral, I gave him money towards other things as I had a well paid job, but the money was always a loan. So, I tried to be a loving girlfriend as I knew what he was going through and knew it would be tough on him. Well....a couple of months down the line he started to change towards me he kept telling me I was stupid, we would never go out anywhere together (which didn't bother me as I knew he was a bit low dealing with a death) but he started to threaten me he said to me "I will come and rip your jaw off" he said it a couple of times and I was scared as I know he has a knife in his room at his family home. He also threated to kill someone and I just froze! I didn't know what to do. I was scared he was going to hurt me. So I started to get so depressed and ended the relationship with him. He still owes me money which Iv been trying to get back but I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and I took an overdose recently as I can't handle it. I have no contact with my ex. I want to know if there is anything I can do legally for the threats he made to me and how to get the money back. Any advise would be good? Thanks for reading.

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I'm not sure on what the laws are where you are as I am sure it is different where I am. However, make sure you keep all of his written threats documented and I'm pretty sure you can use them to prove that you are in danger.

 

For you though, I would let that money go. I very much doubt you are going to get it back and pushing for it may only make him angrier. I am really sorry that these two monsters (sorry to speak ill of the dead) were able to enter into your life - one after the other as well - but it is good that you were able to leave it all behind.

You are handling this better than you think, and better than a lot of abuse victims in your situation who sadly cannot find the strength to get up and walk away. You are extremely strong, I think it is difficult to remember this while you are in the thick of it but once you come out the other side you will realise how well you did actually handle things.

 

Like I said, keep anything you receive from him documented and mark the dates on any occasion he threatens you so you can keep track of how often you are being threatened. Go to the police and let them know that you don't feel safe knowing that he is out there. I wish you luck, and stay strong

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You would do well to write off the money as payment for a lesson learned. Namely, don't loan money to boyfriends. If you want to give something, treat it as a gift and be done with it. If that gift costs more than you are willing to spend, then don't spend it, but never treat it as a loan. Let the money go, get him out of your life and that peace of mind is worth every single penny. Do not engage in further drama with him. Just walk away and don't keep contacting him trying to provoke him further.

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You need to realize that someone who would threaten you is not and never did have any intentions of paying you that money back. So walk away and learn your lesson here. I don't loan people money as a general rule or if I do I loan them once then the do not get a second loan from me until the first one has been paid back. My rule and I don't care how upset someone gets about it, it's my rule. That way I don't end up getting taken to the cleaners as I have in the past.

 

That said, that ship has sailed and you are a nervous wreck continuing to deal with someone who is abusive. So let it go, go NC and maybe explore the idea of therapy or counseling to find out why you keep ending up with abusive men. And in the future when a man does something criminal to you file a police report right then and there. Trying to prove these things after the fact is always so tough to do and it lets the abuses continue too, which is not good. So please start making yourself and your own safety and your own life the priority here. It's great you walked away from Mr. Crazy, but you need to let him go completely because he is continuing to suck you into the drama and you are getting damaged from it. Learn from this, let it go, move on to better and brighter days. You deserve to have a happy, stress-free life and that comes with letting toxic people go no matter what the circumstances.

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