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Friend shutting me out all of a sudden


Leyla

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I've got this friend at school who's been behaving very inconsistently towards me and his close friends for the past few days. Sunday was his birthday, so I called him twice to wish him happy birthday, but he never picked up the phone. Late at night when I'd noticed he hadn't called back, I texted him "happy birthday". On Monday, I noticed he still hadn't read my text. When I met him at uni, I asked what had happened and he told me he'd been too busy to call me back (he went skiing last week-end, so I guess he must have been busy). I gave him his birthday present and he was all smiles, and seemed genuinely happy that I'd remembered his birthday (I was the only one in our class who had! After uni, I stumbled upon him on my way back home so I waved "hi!". He shook his head to say "no" and kept his earphones on. Then he walked ahead of me, and I didn't even get a "goodbye".

The next day, he was all smiles again at uni, especially with this person he's just starting to become friends with, practically ignoring other people. His attitude towards this person was particularly childish and immature this week, and I could barely recognize my friend. Like, he'd take this person's arm and make the fat of her arm move saying it was "all soft and fluffy", then he'd laugh out loud. In all the time I've known him, I'd never seen him act this way. I was really shocked an appalled!

Yesterday (Thursday), I needed to tell him something so I tried calling him. He never picked up the phone. I realized he still hadn't read the text I'd sent him on Sunday, so I texted him again asking him to call me back. He never did. He never read this text either. As it so happens, two of our mutual close friends told me they'd sent him a text this week and he'd never read them. I saw him using his phone in class many times this week, so it's not like he didn't have the opportunity to read his texts...

Today I asked to talk to him for 5 minutes after class. I told him what I had wanted to tell him yesterday by phone, and when I was done he said "is our talk done?". He just seemed eager to be alone for some reason. I asked him why he hadn't read me and our friends' texts, and he replied he'd just never got around to it. I asked him if he'd been busy, and he said "not at all". I asked him what was up with him and if he was okay, but he didn't reply. He seemed ill so I asked him about his health. He just said "I have a cold, it's nothing". I started showing him my phone with all the texts he hadn't read yet (about 4 in total), saying it was very unlike him, but he just cut me off to say something else. I told him I had to go (which I did), so I put an end to the conversation, and that was it. That happened hours ago, and he still hasn't read my texts!

 

I wonder what's up with him. His behaviour is really weird! I don't think it's got anything to do with me. I'm guessing something happened and he probably just wants to be left alone. What do you guys think? I'm thinking of giving him space. What would you do if you were me? Am I over thinking this?

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How long have you known this friend? For some reason, drug use jumped out at me from reading your message. It's not just you he's avoiding, it's most/all of his friends. That and the change of behavior. Just makes me think he's probably too busy getting high somewhere to tend to his friends.

 

I could definitely be wayyy wrong, but it's just my first guess. Only thing to do really is to just leave him alone and let him come around if he wants to. Friend or something more, either way, you can't force someone to want to spend time with you. And sometimes people do want to just be left the hell alone, you know? I'm that way sometimes, for sure. So just leave him alone and see what happens of it. It's the only option, really.

 

*Note

When I say drug use, I'm not talking about pot or something harmless. I'm talking about the stuff that makes you incapable of moving or doing anything other than focusing on how good you feel. The stuff that makes you crave that feeling all the time when you don't have it. The stuff that steals your soul. Bad drugs, basically.

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LikeWater: Thanks for your reply. I've known him for over a year, but he doesn't seem like the type to do drugs. I heard drugs are really hard to get hold of here in Japan anyway. He'd also be sent back home to his country immediately if he were caught (hence destroying all he's hoping to achieve over here). I have noticed a sharp rise in his consumption of alcohol though. About a month ago we had dinner together and he drank three or four beers during our meal. A year ago, he'd drink only one. He also smokes a lot of cigarettes.

 

The end of uni is near, and we have just finished our exams. He went through a particularly stressful and depressing period of his life over the past few months, and he only started allowing himself to relax and let go of it all about a month ago. He even went on a trip alone during the Christmas holidays. I'm guessing he just wants to be left alone. The thing is that a lot of our close friends don't really like his new attitude and are starting to distance themselves away from him. While I can understand them, I think it's kind of sad at the same time.

 

Btw it's Saturday evening and he still hasn't read the text I sent him last Sunday...!

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I would just leave him alone and allow him to come around because if it's in his heart to distance himself from you then there's nothing that you can do to change that. He'll probably come around with a different attitude before long.

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