should I hang in there or move on?

[kelli1980]

Hi all

 

I am a bit clueless as to what to do... Me and my friend have feelings for eachother but she is in a on-off relationship with someone else at the moment. She recently admitted that she still has feelings for me too though she says she can not be with me because of how she feels for her partner - though she cant see that relationship lasting. Do you guys think I ought to just hang in there and hope we can be together one day or should I just make myself move on?

[Grissum71]

I wouldn't go near her until she is over and away from the other guy.

[Careerchoice]

Although I don't believe you can ever force yourself to FEEL a certain way i.e. no longer interested in someone, let's rephrase what she's telling you:

 

"You are my back up plan."

 

Now if you have high self esteem, the expected reaction is to get offended and this would cause you to move on without any effort on your part. But if your self esteem is less than high, you will accept less than the best treatment from people, and that is the real issue you need to solve before you even think about getting into anything with anyone.

[SpottiOtti]

Although I don't believe you can ever force yourself to FEEL a certain way i.e. no longer interested in someone, let's rephrase what she's telling you:

 

"You are my back up plan."

 

Now if you have high self esteem, the expected reaction is to get offended and this would cause you to move on without any effort on your part. But if your self esteem is less than high, you will accept less than the best treatment from people, and that is the real issue you need to solve before you even think about getting into anything with anyone.

 

Exactly. She's using you so she doesn't have to face the reality of being alone, should she choose to end her other relationship. At the same time, her actions are telling you that you aren't worthy of her commitment. Simple as that. You should move on.