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gay bestfriend or pseudo boyfriend? Help!


sara7391

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Alright, my gay bestfriend is far from any stereotype but is definitely gay. In fact I helped him hook up with this guy once. We're super tight, but he acts like my boyfriend sometimes. I love that he cares about me, but it can get confusing for someone who actually had a crush on him before he came out to me. He helps me with small errands, cuddles drunk or not, and most definitely notices every tiny detail and never misses a chance to compliment me. In fact, he's not out to everyone so people assume we're a couple and its funny for us, but he has suggested we tell people we are a couple quite a few times. Initially I assumed he was joking but he wasnt. In fact in a lot of ways, he fills in the boyfriend void because i'm single and have been for a while, and i'm so comfortable not dating someone now that i dont even bother. But this is confusing behaviour. AND to top it off, he always reminds me that I could never be gross for him, be it when i just wake up or any other time, because he does otherwise get rather turned off by women. Yousee, that! that right there confuses me. Oh, and we've never made out or anything. I think I can be intimidating, well, slightly.. and its not because I'm not attractive or something. I'm skinny and tall, slightly nerdy, if that helps. But he's ALWAYS there for me, and I'm really starting to get confused about how I feel about him and what he's going at, but if i ask him its going to be VERY awkward. Help?

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He's your friend. And since he's not "out" to everyone, it's also convenient for him for you to be a "play" couple so he can avoid awkward/troubling questioning about his orientation.

 

There's nothing confusing here. He likes you as a friend, and that's it. You're his beard; no need to read anything further into it.

 

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Yousee that I'm okay with. I don't mind being his beard. But its what he does and says when noone's looking....that is what confuses me. I've told a lot of people we're sorta dating to hooking up to whatever crosses my mind when i thought necessary, but its how HE'S acting that's confusing me. Telling me he loves me is fine, just the physical intimacy that comes with it makes me wonder. We do make fun of eachother and all that, but there are times, when he fits the 'boyfriend' shoes when people arent looking yousee

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Your are starting to grow feelings for him because you are going through the exact things that a couple does... couples that act in love will fall in love.

 

 

It's hard to say whether he will grow feelings for you or will ever be physically attracted to you, but just be careful. He may be bi - perhaps?

 

 

I'd tread lightly, and if you have a really open dialogue, throw it out there and ask him. If he is not interested he will laugh and just turn it into a joke.

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I had a friend, he is poly. He knew that I am not poly, and that we could never be in a relationship. But, that didn't stop feelings from growing on one side (his). He confessed to me that he had fallen in love with me. I am not poly, so knew, I could never be in a relationship with him, because that is who he is.

 

No matter how your friend is acting towards you, he loves you, but he is not in love with you. There is nothing wrong with showing affection for someone. I am also a very affectionate person, and knew that I also showed my poly friend affection, which resulted in him falling in love with me. That did not mean I was in love with him. It meant that I loved him and had affection for him, and am a very PDA-touchy person. I would never date my friend.

 

Hope that helps.

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