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Differentiating between a guy out for sex, and one looking for a relationship?


nyxy

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Any key signs to look out for, on either of those?

 

I'm having a hard time working out the intentions of the guy I'm "seeing"... I know the basic "cut out the sex" will crop up, but the fact was I thought it was going to be a FWB scenario which I was okay with. Now I'm not so sure. How can you tell?

 

Thanks guys

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Wooaaaah... you trying to get us men killed?

 

Ask him what he wants and check his behavior. You dont really know because humans have the ability to lie. Even women do this, i have been the "boyfriend" when in reality they just wanted to bang and keep me from banging other women, i called it quits when they would answer my calls during certain times, or from my own research- and this all started when their behavior and how i read them didnt match.

 

Just dont play along if you think it will lead into a relationship.. you are just agreeing to the status you are at now. A lot of women became mad at me when i didnt ask them to be my gf, i just looked at them and asked them when exactly did we ever have that discussion about being a couple, did you not invite me and flirt with me non-stop... and BAAAANGED!!??

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Assumption, more than anything, I guess. I've always liked the guy (known him for a few years) and the opportunity arose... I tend to run from relationships like the plague, so y'know. FWB works for me.

 

I've heard off him every day without fail for the past 3wks (random waffley conversations anywhere from 6am to past midnight), and he's invited me out to places with his close friends (who've been social even when he's not around). I'm finding myself really enjoying his company which is unusual (forever the cynic... hah). I know sex doesn't constitute a relationship, but the FWB scenarios I've had before have been literally that - little contact other than when somebody wants a call. LOL.

 

Thoughts?

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LOL. That made me laugh

 

Killed? Naah, I'm just curious as to how the male mind works I will ask him at some point, but I know I've got this one horribly wrong in the past. It's only been a matter of weeks regardless.

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If he is texting you everyday, then he probably is attracted to you for more than FWB. I've never had one that kept in frequent contact with. Perhaps he's aware you aversion to relationships and is apprehensive to push things or ask what's up? How long have you been sexing each other up?

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Just because you have sex with a guy (or a girl) does not automatically convey things from an involvement to a relationship. Sex does not have that power; however so many people think that because they've spread their legs, that's a contract for something never discussed. It's not. You have to own your voice and speak up BEFORE you lay down in their bed naked because the status of your involvement will not be changed once you get up and put your clothes back on.

 

Sex is not a contract for anything. Period. Fin.

 

Open your mouth and own your voice. Speak out for what it is you want. Don't let your tail get you into something you don't want to be in.

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Any key signs to look out for, on either of those?

 

I'm having a hard time working out the intentions of the guy I'm "seeing"... I know the basic "cut out the sex" will crop up, but the fact was I thought it was going to be a FWB scenario which I was okay with. Now I'm not so sure. How can you tell?

 

Thanks guys

 

maybe it would be a good idea not to think about it much. If he is in a relationship, married etc. his intentions are pretty obvious. But I think most of us don`t think; just react to the situation. If we feel we have a lot of in common and feel we are good together we are think about relationship. If we are sexually attracted but don`t feel much understanding than sex might be a good treaty. Just let it flow and see what it will turn into.

 

also avoid obvious places such as night clubs or some dating sites, where intentions of visitors are usually pretty mainstream.

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Here's my view as a former runner from relationship person...though not someone who was ever keen on FWB:

 

there are all sorts of things in between "we just f/k" and "we are in a committed relationship".

 

And as soon as you establish yourself as someone who is NOT looking for a committed relationship (you can do this by having casual sex, you can do this by being wishy washy, you can do this by being simply open to something that isn't leading to something committed) - game over, you are done and buried. A real serious committed relationship ain't ever gonna happen. People have memories like elephants and will always remember.

 

So you better figure out if the idea of something committed is something that appeals to you at all. If it is, you need to cut out and figure out why you run. And do something about that. Might translate to this guy and it might not. Might mean walking away, who knows.

 

While a man texting frequently may mean he is interested in more than just "f/k and that's it"....it doesn't mean he wants "a relationship".

 

More likely is he is after a girlfriend-y experience (snuggling, hanging with buds, texting, chatting, f/king) without having to commit. Maybe that is something you would be happy with and or seeking? I don't know. I do know - back at the times when I was behaving cavalierly about pursuing someone, it was because I was fine with having a 'lover'. Maybe not a word lots of people use anymore, but it's a bit more than a F toy, and less than a relationship that required me being really available for the person and committed.

 

I say this because in my experience, men looking for a "relationship" - a committed and serious one, as what they know they want for sure and are seeking actively - stand out and establish that very early on. Either you fit the bill and are looking for the same, or you aren't, but they weed you out mercilessly and that's that. They won't tolerate crap for long. They are looking for things like bigger picture compatibility, they show a real interest in you as a person, and they aren't afraid to be real honest about where they stand either. You aren't left there guessing (but if you are a relationship runner, you might be left there wondering why the hell you are doing what you do when it is so darn transparent to these guys)

 

This is grey zone. You can languish here forever if you want. Or til one of you gets bored, or decides, hey I want to commit to someone now...maybe someone else though. Or one just gets sick of playing the 'i'm not sure what i want, what do you want, more ? huh? i thought you just wanted this too" game.

 

good luck.

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but if there are any recommendations I might give: These are relative so there is just higher probability, alone it means nothing:

 

people are looking just for sex:

 

- if they are married

- if they are in relationship but are sexually a bit bored

- in places like night clubs, discos or sometimes wedding... it`s easy to see which where...

- douches that are in a life stage of hunting chicks... Pointy hairs, a lot of tan, deep cleavage, bros poses... but again, perhaps they are just pro dancers, pub owners etc.?

- very demanded and social people, popular and sexi ( but it may vary!)

- young guys (16, 17) very horny and very immature...

 

as you can see there are not really so much obvious places, as I mentioned before, it mostly depends on each individual situation. Don`t worry if you are thinking right you will attract the right ones

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Is there a need to label what you have going on?

 

Most importantly what do you want?

 

There are things I noticed I did when it was just sex that I didn't do when I was serious about a girl. So yes there are signs but they are not foolproof.

 

Think about if you want a real relationship with this guy. See if you can find out if he has been in a committed relationship before and then size up your options. If he is a player and always single then you have a good idea but if he has been in a relationship more times than not then he sounds like he is that kind of guy.

 

Questions can be hard to ask but in the end it is the easiest way to find out what you need to know...

 

Lost

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I think its important to decide what YOU'RE looking for first. If you typically go for the 'unavailable' guys and then fall for them thinking they've changed, that's a pattern to examine so you don't keep making the same mistakes. If the guy does want a relationship I would think he'd be taking you on dates, calling you, introducing you to his friends, spending lots of time with you and planning things ahead with you.

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Do you go out on dates or do you just meet to hookup somewhere? If it is the latter then it's FWB. If he is actually taking you out places and investing time to get to know you, he's looking for more. Either way, you should ask just to clarify where you both stand.

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people are looking just for sex:

 

- if they are married

- if they are in relationship but are sexually a bit bored

- in places like night clubs, discos or sometimes wedding... it`s easy to see which where...

- douches that are in a life stage of hunting chicks... Pointy hairs, a lot of tan, deep cleavage, bros poses... but again, perhaps they are just pro dancers, pub owners etc.?

- very demanded and social people, popular and sexi ( but it may vary!)

- young guys (16, 17) very horny and very immature...

 

- the monogamy-challenged and monogamy-incapable

- people that have limited emotional needs

- deeply-insecure people that think sex will fill some existential need

- nymphomaniacs

- probably some sociopaths

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LMAO I have not been on here in what, months? And I just started randomly reading thru posts not paying attention to who was posting what, and your post caught my eye and I was like wow great post- I look to the left- OF COURSE ITS THORMSHAMMER DUH!

lol!

 

This is the poster who got me in trouble with that girl when i sent that girl the text instead of her. You know me and her are done with now, right!!? And you kept sending those hearts on my facebook pics... ooooo yooooooouuuu!!!!

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If he is texting you everyday, then he probably is attracted to you for more than FWB. I've never had one that kept in frequent contact with. Perhaps he's aware you aversion to relationships and is apprehensive to push things or ask what's up? How long have you been sexing each other up?

 

Possibly. We kissed a couple of years ago (on a very drunken night out...), but I cut everything off after that. I'm not avoiding relationship-type stuff right now, I kinda regret killing the opportunity first time around so I am trying to be receptive. Having said that I do tend to freeze now and then. It's literally only been the past couple of weeks.

 

If he is in a relationship, married etc. his intentions are pretty obvious. But I think most of us don`t think; just react to the situation. If we feel we have a lot of in common and feel we are good together we are think about relationship. If we are sexually attracted but don`t feel much understanding than sex might be a good treaty. Just let it flow and see what it will turn into.

 

Thanks. He's definitely single.

 

Make a plan to do something & see if he sticks to it.

Guys don't bail on girls they like.

Specifically, make it a Saturday night.

 

He's shown up for every plan, most of which were initiated by him. A few of those were purely going out somewhere... and he'll reply to messages at all times of the day / night / regardless of where he is. Saying that, most conversations are kicked off by him anyway. He's shown up in places he knows I'll be, too.

 

but if there are any recommendations I might give: These are relative so there is just higher probability, alone it means nothing:

 

people are looking just for sex:

 

- if they are married

- if they are in relationship but are sexually a bit bored

- in places like night clubs, discos or sometimes wedding... it`s easy to see which where...

- douches that are in a life stage of hunting chicks... Pointy hairs, a lot of tan, deep cleavage, bros poses... but again, perhaps they are just pro dancers, pub owners etc.?

- very demanded and social people, popular and sexi ( but it may vary!)

- young guys (16, 17) very horny and very immature...

 

as you can see there are not really so much obvious places, as I mentioned before, it mostly depends on each individual situation. Don`t worry if you are thinking right you will attract the right ones

 

None of the above

 

I think its important to decide what YOU'RE looking for first. If you typically go for the 'unavailable' guys and then fall for them thinking they've changed, that's a pattern to examine so you don't keep making the same mistakes. If the guy does want a relationship I would think he'd be taking you on dates, calling you, introducing you to his friends, spending lots of time with you and planning things ahead with you.

 

I've been known to, I guess. Saying that I think I tend to come accross as fairly unavailable myself. That's not to say I wouldn't be for the right person, but I'm not one to throw themselves into relationships (and the minute anyone starts clinging, I run). I guess he is doing those things to an extent.

 

Do you go out on dates or do you just meet to hookup somewhere? If it is the latter then it's FWB. If he is actually taking you out places and investing time to get to know you, he's looking for more. Either way, you should ask just to clarify where you both stand.

 

Guess it's just ask the question then, right? It's not just hookups, I've seen him 6 times in the past 2wks, 3 led to sex, the other 3 didn't.

 

I'm slightly clueless on the relationship front anyway lol.

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