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love strong enough?


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This is what I wrote back in last September:

"Me and my best friend (both young gay guys) have been talking and seeing each other for more than a year. We had similar pasts in the way that we spent our teen years in loneliness and friendless. We really got very close to each other, and we became best friends, he's really someone who I can trust in, we have long chats, intimate talks, etc. Yet, I had never fell in love with him. Seeing that I was very shy, needful of affections that I never had even among family, he offered me hugs, cuddling together, holding hands, and it was so, so special for me, that after we spent one afternoon together I got home and I bursted in tears, both of joy but also sadness because I thought that I would never have someone so special for me, a real friend, trully caring about me. He invited me to go to his house yesterday and I spent the night with him (just sleeping in the same bed). And when we were layed in bed, he hugged me, asked me if he could kiss me (in the cheeks), we held hands, cuddled... But the thing is that he feels comfortable doing these kind of gestures to other close friends, be it boys or girls, he is very open minded and believes in the power of affections. He once told me that he had doubts if he were or not in love with me, but then he got to the conclusion that afterall he never had fell in love with me. He is very caring, and tells me I am beautiful, and that he loves me, that I am a really cool person, even told me he would marry me tomorrow he if could (I don'd know how joking he was...). All he does for me is without sexual purposes, he isn't ashamed of us, of doing those gestures for me, nor of being half-naked in front if me, but for me it's different since I can get too easily aroused by his hugs and cuddling. What may this mean?

[Let me just say that I was, till recently, in love with someone else but since this guy seemd to have no interest in me, I decided to move on.]

Now I neither know for sure what I feel for him nor what he feels for me. He is to move within a few months to a new country, and he'll be working hard to achieve what he wants till that time he has to go, what means that we won't be able to see each other easily and when he is to move away we'll probably not be able to see each other again, ever. This feeling of never having again someone like him in my life, the fear of loss, is striking me hard, so I cried for over one hour, I feel this huge pain for not having him and for losing him within months... Can anybody help me figuring this out? May this mean that I love him? Or he loves me?"

 

These were my doubts, but now things have changed. I continued to continously think about him, and we continued hanging out, seeing each other, until in the beginning of last December, he told me he was in love with me. I wasn't really expecting that, because I thought that all gestures and caring about me was just a true friendship, and I already knew he was very open-minded and because of that he had no problem hugging me, kissing me or saying pretty and nice words to me, I just thought this was his way of living a true friendship. I guess I was wrong, and afterall he did love me, as I first suspected many months ago. When he told me he was in love wih me, I answered that I didn't know what I felt for him. I told him he was very special, and I had already cried a lot over the fear of losing him, and that I had found myself thinking way more about him than what I would consider expectable for a friendship. Still, in December, I went to his house, met his family, I spent a few days with him, and we slept together, and I learned that he got aroused from touching me, and cuddling with me (I also did, but I didn't mention it), and he started kissing me in the face, we were very close, with our legs intertwined, our faces touching, and our lips were very close, I really felt that he wanted to kiss me, but he wouldn't take the first step, so I gained courage and asked him if I could kiss him (in the lips), he answered positively and we shared our first kiss, ever. Both me and him had never kissed anyone before. Then, he asked me if I loved him too, and I didn't know what to answer, but I explained him that I thought a lot about him, that I got aroused by him, that I loved his personality and he was the most compatible person I've had ever met, and then I told him that my conclusion was that because of all this reasons, I could only conclude that I loved him too. After this little talk, he proposed me in a relationship, if I wanted to be his boyfriend, and I said yes. Since then we've been really happy with one another and we share a deep conection, really strong. Things have now evolved, and we are making plans now for going to another country together, which would be a big change for me, since I'd had to tell my parents of my plans and probably doing my coming out. (He already did it).

But now something weird is happening to me. I have found me asking some questions to myself, like if I true love him, because he still seems he's not (phisically speaking) the kind of guy I imagined myself with, although I love his personality and we're very compatible. Sometimes I can get no motivation from going out with him, it's like I'm not happy enough for seeing him after for example a week being apart. I don't know if what I feel for him is love or just a deep friendship, because I never felt for him those basic symptoms of person in love (the little nervousism, heart beating faster, weird sensation in stomach, and so on), I just assumed that I loved because I had the tremendous fear of losing him (because of him moving away to another country), because I really liked his personality and because even without experiencing the symptoms of love, I still got aroused by him, so I figured out that I was phisically and psicologically atracted to him. But there are now these doubts in my head, I don't want to hurt him, and I don't know what to do now. I can't understand why don't I get so freaking excited to see him... I don't understand my feelings anymore...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or can anyone help me out? Thank you for any help you may provide.

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I've been in three different longer term relationships and they have all been completely different, they started differently, and for each I was in a different stage in life. They all ended differently. Generally speaking if it feels right then it probably is right, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. The relationships weren't what I imagined myself to be in, they just happened naturally, and they each had their own energy. All can say is, just be honest with him, about your feelings, your expectations, your goals and what you hope to get out of the relationship. Good luck.

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