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My adult sisters never stand up for me.


Leona700

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I have three sisters all over their 20s.. I always thought we were close until recently my so called childhood friends turned against me.. My sisters agreed that I was right yet they still talk to these friends that I swore I would never talk to again...my eldest sister wished my ex friend a happy bday on FB and told her she should call me..she ever cared to hear me talk about what went wrong in our friendship yet decided to be the peace keeper and litterly embarrassed me..the breakdown of this friendship did not hurt me as much as realizing that no one took the time in my family to ask me what happened...and on top of that they go talk to ppl that attacked me..I confronted my oldest sister and she told me that it's just drama and I should get over it and forgive friends that never asked for forgivness

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Well these friends attacked me in a group setting and cursed me out..I asked for an apology and they refused to apologize..these were their words "we are not going to apologize to you " I was shocked that they could be so vicious..my problem is not these friends it's the fact that my family does not support me rather I'm right or wrong.. There is always an excuse a reason a maybe

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I would beg to differ.. If someone goes out of their way to disrespect, gossip about, turn ppl against one of your family members your would still talk to such ppl..it dose not matter in what manner someone attacks your family member you don't minimize the situation just because it did not happen to you directly.. And that's exactly what my sisters have done..I'm just venting because at this point I no longer look at my sisters the same way

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You can choose your friends but you can't choose the family you are born into. BUT you can choose how you want to relate to your family. Some families are very supportive and great, and others are toxic and destructive, and everything in between.

 

But the first thing you need to do is to not EXPECT your sisters to behave a certain way just because they are your sisters. They are people, and as adults, they make their own choices and have their own personalities, so it can be very disappointing if you expect them to act as 'perfect' people/supporters when they just aren't like that. It sounds like your sister has some concept of how 'friends' should behave and sees her role as trying to get you and your friends back together again rather than to encourage you to break it off with them. So you are running into conflict with her value system that you should tolerate anything from friends rather than cut them off.

 

So you might have extremely good reasons for cutting off these people and have been right to do so for your own benefit, but if she is really strongly behind the idea that you should let bygones be bygones, then that is your problem. She is basically seeing the situation through her own eyes rather than thru yours, and making choices based on that.

 

But this is simple enough to solve. You just tell her, sorry, I don't consider them friends because of how they behaved, so you are wasting your time trying to get us back together as friends. Then go about your business. As adults, you are both entitled to your own opinion, and you are not the exact same identical people (and you shouldn't expect that), so they will have differences of opinion with you and not always do exactly as you want them to in terms of what you consider 'support'...

 

and you can't expect them to be furious at your friends just because you are furious at them. the truth is your friends wronged you and not your sisters, so expecting them to attack those friends or cut them off just because you are angry at the friends really isn't realistic. I would expect/hope that they would be sorry that it has turned out this way with you and your friends on the outs, but at the same time, you can't expect them to have your same feelings or perceptions about the situation or these friends, and need to not expect that of them.

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.it dose not matter in what manner someone attacks your family member you don't minimize the situation just because it did not happen to you directly..

 

That's not at all what I said. Let's say my friend beat up my (imaginary) brother. I would take issue with that and would cut them off. Now let's say my brother picked a fight with my friend and got beaten up. In that case, it's all on him and he has no right to complain that I'm still friends with the guy who beat him up.

 

All I'm getting at is that if your sisters aren't backing you up, perhaps it's because they don't agree with your stance. And I'm wondering why that might be?

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I think that your sister should stand by you and not make nice with people who attacked you first.

 

My sister and I never let anyone come between us. However, if I decide that someone needs to be cut out of my life, I don't expect her, if she's also friends with them, to do the same. I'll just let her know what happened and if the same thing happens to her, I'll be ready with an "I told you that b was crazy..."

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Is it the same friends you were talking about before? The ones with the little sister who cussed at you? You never said at all why the little sister cussed you. Just that she cussed you but there never seem to be a reason. And you expected her sisters to turn against her and take your side. And that they were "vicious" for not taking your side. As I said in that thread nobody just cusses somebody out for no reason whatsoever. So what actually happened?

 

It seems you want everyone to take your side but you won't say anything that happened.

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Maybe you and your sisters do not have a close bond? I don't with my older sister, I spent most of life so far trying because she is my only sister but I gave up. We are just too different and I cannot rely on her at all and it took its toll with only me trying. You have 3 sisters one of them should be on your side maybe sit them down separately and discuss how you feel if nothing comes of it, no longer expect anything from them.

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Can't say one way or the other as you are being too vague about the circumstances. Give us everything that happened leading up to getting cussed out. You getting cussed out could be because of a misunderstanding, or it could be because they have an actual reason to be angry at you, or maybe not. I'm not blaming you but I do need to know the exact circumstances before I can give any advice. So far all I've heard is a very one-sided view of the story.

 

By saying, they "never" back you up, you are talking in absolutes and that indicates maybe not the most level-headed perspective, which is understandable since you're obviously angry.

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I would beg to differ.. If someone goes out of their way to disrespect, gossip about, turn ppl against one of your family members your would still talk to such ppl..it dose not matter in what manner someone attacks your family member you don't minimize the situation just because it did not happen to you directly.. And that's exactly what my sisters have done..I'm just venting because at this point I no longer look at my sisters the same way

 

What, wait? Are you expecting your sisters to back you up even if you are in the wrong? That's enabling and codependency. I'm not saying you are actually in the wrong here but you never told us what made them actually want to 'curse you out' Are they generally just bullies or did they have a reason why they needed to call you on something that you tend to do/did but didn't take responsibility for?

 

I'd not stick up for my brother either if he is in the wrong and needed to apologize. I wouldn't enable his poor behaviour and I'd have councelled him that he needs to change up his ways if he was actually in the wrong.

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I would beg to differ.. If someone goes out of their way to disrespect, gossip about, turn ppl against one of your family members your would still talk to such ppl..it dose not matter in what manner someone attacks your family member you don't minimize the situation just because it did not happen to you directly.. And that's exactly what my sisters have done..I'm just venting because at this point I no longer look at my sisters the same way

 

I find it odd how you're more upset that your family isn't taking your side then what your childhood best friends did to you. I mean your friends are the ones who originally cursed you out or whatever not your family. If my best friend did that to me I would be pretty hurt. Just because they are your family doesn't mean they automatically have to take your side just because someone shares the same genes as you.

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