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This has helped me


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Hello enotaloners.

 

I just wanted to say that I have been running along the sea front for the last three days and it has made me feel a lot more positive. My advice to anyone who feels depressed to a dangerous level is to do this. Nice scenery, physical exercise and being alone and learning how to be comfortable with that all in one!

 

Whilst I still get my moments of panic/sadness/anger about my life and the events in my recent past it has helped me feel that bit more positive and I so sorely needed that. I have been really quite suicidal. Having fleeting thoughts of self harm more and more...and the only thing that has stopped these thoughts taking me over is running by the sea everyday. My legs are so sore it's hilarious but I feel that little bit more alive I think.

 

I have also made a decision to eat more. I think that was the last straw for me. Realizing how much weight I've lost. Too much...it is worrying. So I am trying to eat better too.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in some sort of denial because I still don't know what I'm doing with my life (I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I need/want to do though, jobs and developing my future) and I don't see many friends/one of my friends is incredibly flaky and just doesn't seem to be able to see me anymore.

 

But it's not bothering me as much. I still get angry at my mum (only in my head not to her verbally in anyway) but I think that's to be expected, I am 28 and living at home and not wanting to.

 

So I guess something is improving. I damn hope so. I really felt like it was the end there. I really was so worried I thought I might actually do something stupid.

 

I seem to have acquired a bit of self esteem at bluddy last

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Good for you! Keep going. It sounds like you're coping very well. Good luck in finding yourself and what you want to do with your life, I am also in that stage but have no clue what I'm doing lol. I graduated last week though so at least I did something good these last weeks..

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I graduated in 2009! And the went on to do an acting course and graduated off that in 2012. And what am I doing....NOTHING.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. Makes me laugh though cause my ex has just started university and he's 33. So I guess I'm ahead of him at least. He thinks he will become famous from going to university. He's gonna realise a lot of harsh realities one day....

 

My grandma said to me "I knew there was something not right with him if he was going to art university at that age"

 

Lol. Perhaps I was too open minded about it all. I don't care what someone does with their life if I'm with them, whatever makes them happy, you know? And it did not bother me him wanting to do the course but I guess in hindsight it's quite telling. And he had done a fair few other home degrees he never completed before, so I guess he's just a rambler or something. I would presume the only course a rambler can stick with is an arts course. Trust me. I've been there. Ramblers city. And I'm as open minded as they come but he will ramble from girl to girl too as he is screwwwwwwed up and that I don't accept.

 

Anyway yes thankyou. It feels good to say something nice for once instead of "I wanna diee!!!!" again and again.

 

Thanks guys

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Thanks. Does it track how far you run or something? I still have to stop and walk every now and then! I think i might have a break today as im quite sore now. I heard its good to keep going when your sore but that was yesterday and today i think might be pushing it!dont know! 

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cryingalways congrats! seems to me you are doing great, and I agree - running - or any physical activity - helps a lot in cases like that. keep on going!

by the way - my good friend started art university with wood carving at 29, after being a dental technician for years and years, and she has her own company, making furniture now, at 36. so see - it is never too late)

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I too run but it's funny because I hate the moments before going to run, I have to fight a lot with my mind. My mind tells me not to go, it's not worth it etc. I hate the first minutes of the run while I'm not warmed up, my body hurts, breathing hurts, my hands are so cold, I have negative thoughts etc.

 

BUT then towards the half way of my running I absolutely enjoy it, my body feels good, I feel healthy and strong, my mind shisfts and gives me positive thoughts, I feel motivated. What's more I LOVE the feeling after the run. I walk straight and light, super confident, super relaxed, I feel peaceful, it's great.

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Well I'm not seeing my therapist anymore, that's over. I can't really afford another one right now until I get a job too but I will be looking into finding a better one or one better associated with domestic abuse would be good.

 

I also am on right track trying to get a doctor here, I have to wait for a letter to certify where I live. Then I will go see them. I'd like to know what they make of my weight loss too because it's bothering me. I am also back on the protein shakes!

 

I don't know what use doing a fine art course is going to do for my ex. Fine art courses aren't specialised in any skill they're just a free for all (I know I did one) but doing a specialised course makes sense to me as it will give you skills to do something with your life. I think that's good. And I am going to think about what I would like to do. I keep changing my mind because there are just so many things I'd like to do do an art ma, do an acting course, a film making course...I need to figure it out. But I am also looking for a job for now because I need to be busy. I am hoping this gallery I spoke to will give me a job. That would be ideal in terms of getting relevant experience. But I'm not sure they want me, they want someone with "sales" experience

 

I've also been offered a slot at an all female new music event here so that is nice. That has made me feel happy.

 

I know what you mean about feeling hesitant before a run. My advice is to run where there are few people and listen to happy music. Yes it does feel good after.

 

My exes flatmates have both either blocked or defriended me off facebook this morning too. I got a bit thoughtful about it for a while as it's been three months now and I don't see why they've chosen now to do this. For a bit I started to think he might be sleeping with the girl flatmate but I highly doubt it, he made fun of her body being fat and she is all covered in tatoos and stuff which goes against his extremely snobbish point of view on women. And the male flatmate is a psycho so I get why he's done it and I don't care.

 

But yeah I got obsessed so I guess I still miss the evil maggot. I am aware how pathetic he is though. It was like my happiness annoyed him ha. Crazy crazy man.

 

Anyway, thankyou for the running suggestion very much x

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