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Is our time spent? Or am I being an idiot?


KillerQueen

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Hello Everyone,

 

I'm hoping to get some help because I have literally been going nuts for months now and I am at a loss of what to do. . .

 

So here it goes.

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years (will be 3 next month) I'll call him "Marc". Marc came into my life after a few devasting losses and a horrible relationship in my life. We met at work. We both work for a car dealership which has 9 different brands/buildings. At the beginning of our relationship we worked in the same building however we both have 2 different jobs so we never saw each other. Now, I have moved up in the company and my location has changed to the building next door. When we first started dating I was very serious about my job and how our relationship stays outside of the work place. Work is work, personal is personal. Its still this case today. Yes, people know we are together, however we don't go around making a scene.

 

I feel like we hit it off pretty well. From the word go we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was important for both of us to get this out of the way because if we both had different life goals it would never work out. Plus we both came out of horrible relationships. We both had the same life goals, marriage, kids, he already has his career and I'm still working on mine. I moved in with him over a year ago and that made our relationship more whole. I have never been so happy in my life.

 

The whole relationship has been great. We had some bumps in the road, but we talked about it and fixed them. Then life is good. I really feel like he could be the one and I thought that for a long time until this past September.

 

I feel like I might be going through a mid-life crisis. However I am only 27 ("Marc" is 30) so maybe a quarter life crisis if there is such thing. Everything I have in my life I have been questioning. I'm not sure about anything anymore. I just know I am not happy. My job is a great job however I know I won't be there forever because I want to move on from a career perspective and I just question my career in general. I feel like I'm missing out on life a lot lately too. I feel like my relationship with "Marc" hasn't been right either. I understand we are not in our honeymoon phase anymore, but everything with our relationships has just been bad from communication to intimacy. I'm not sure if we were meant to be together anymore. I'm not sure if its bordem or if we out grew our relationship or if I'm being an idiot and thinking too much into it. We don't fight though. Even my friends I don't see much anymore. I'm not even sure if I want kids anymore. Life has just been bland. I've been thinking about this so much I think it is destroying me. I'm the type that thinks everything in microscopic detail too.

 

Then October comes and that is when I met "Kris". "Kris" also works for the same company however his location is not in "Marc's" or my building. During this time he was just someone I thought as a nice person, but nothing more. To give you background on myself for a minute, I'm the type that talks and says hi to everyone no matter who you are. I think I'm generally a friendly person, however once you get to know me I tend to speak my mind and be blunt which some people like and some people don't. I feel like this is the case why I tend to have more guy friends then girl friends. "Marc" knows about this. In fact, this was one of the first things I told him when we started dating. I told him in a nutshell, I have guy friends, I hang out with them, we do things together that does not mean I'm having sex with them. They are part of my life and always will be. "Marc" understood and has met some of them and is really good friends with one of them now.

 

To try to make a long story short ( I know this is super long already ) "Kris" and I exchange numbers to hang out. "Kris" knows I am seeing "Marc" just like how it should be. All of my guy friends know I'm seeing "Marc" and know I am off limits. I told "Marc" about everything with "Kris" just like how it should be too.

 

I started to develop a crush on "Kris". I've never had this happen in any past relationship before and I feel awful about it. Constantly. We don't flirt or anything and I've kept it that way since I developed this crush. I am constantly thinking and fantasizing about him which has me so confused on why when I'm already taken. I don't condone cheating. I have never cheated on anyone. "Kris" has no idea about my crush either and I plan to keep it that way and of course "Marc" doesn't either.

 

Now this has me thinking more on my life and puts more stress on how I have been questioning everything lately. I feel at a loss about all of this. "Marc" and I talked about me being unhappy. He's knows I'm stressed out and he's being super supportive. We haven't really discussed our relationship though. And yes I know I need to. I am just afraid of what the outcome maybe. I'm just unsure if our time together is spent or if I'm being retarded. Plus having a crush on someone else does not help either.

 

Anyways, thank you for reading.

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Well if you are unhappy that is your responsibility to take care of it... not look for a quick fix (Kris). Not only that even if you broke up with Mark, it's not like Kris will be waiting in the wing...

 

I do know that when most women say its over, its over. You just have to decide if you are at the pt with Mark. If not, then talk to Mark about what you think the relationship is lacking and need.

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Before you make the car dealership a place of unnecessary drama...sit down and figure out what you want. You are 27....and bored. Fix it....but not with Marc or Chris. Fix you....what are your goals and aspirations? Map out a plan. Share it with Marc.

 

Find some enthusiasm with life.....not by running through the employees at work.

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Trust me my goal is not to be the work sl-t. In fact, I frown upon relationships that start in the work place. I was very relcultant to start a relationship with Marc in the first place because of it.

 

Maybe make like a pro and con list of things about my life? and Marc? I feel like I'm all sorts of screwed up.

 

Thanks for your replies.

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Trust me my goal is not to be the work sl-t. In fact, I frown upon relationships that start in the work place. I was very relcultant to start a relationship with Marc in the first place because of it.

 

Maybe make like a pro and con list of things about my life? and Marc? I feel like I'm all sorts of screwed up.

 

Thanks for your replies.

 

Decide what you want to do with your life.... you thought about going back to school? Maybe finding a new job? Working out really helps kick the boredom too.

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You frown on it....but did it with Marc and are now crushing on Kris. You are very close to the line!

 

No....not a pro/con list. A list.of goals you want to accomplish. Marc may have found a career....but you have a job. What would you like for a.career....and not pie in the sky...what are you trained/suited for? Do you need to get a degree? Do you have the resources to do so?

Would it entail relocating.

 

Figure out your journey/path. Marc can decide whether he wants to go on the journey with you(if invited)...but the 1st step is figuring out what you want.

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My suggestion: Do you have any vacation time coming up that you can take and the means to take it? I would recommend that you go somewhere by yourself without Marc or Kris and do some really hard thinking: about your relationship, about your job, about the direction of your life.

 

Yes, I do believe in quarter life crisis because I went through something along those lines when I was about 32 (so mine was a little late arriving). You've been grown long enough to get to your late 20's and you find out that you have dreams and goals which may have been pushed to the side because of the expectations of others and the pleasing of them. Now you find out that pleasing everyone else has left you unhappy and rudderless. When that happens, you need to take time to re-evaluate your life and determine what would you like to do and what direction do you want to go in. Make a plan to get there and drop off at the mall anyone or anything that is not going to support you in getting to where you want to be.

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Go find a bigger problem! And when I say that - I see that you are your situation. It's not about who could make you happier. That's always up to you. People always want something - a better relationship, things, a smashing job, but never write out an action plan, and go get it.

 

It sounds like you yourself are just bored. Take some time about what you want to do, how you want to make an impact on the world. Write it out - the steps you need to take, and go do it. 27 is a great time to really get the ball rolling.

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