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3years of relationship, detroyed by distance and miscomunuication


marcus1024

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Hi guys, I just want to share my experience and got the courage to post it here, as this would be my last storytelling (aside from my friends, family and colleagues)

 

 

as introduction i hope that you guys have patience on my grammar and my stupidiy

 

Me and my GF have been together for almost 3 years (2.7yrs) to be exact. only to be broken up when the long distance started (just 3 mos ago)

 

She broke up with me last Oct 30, 2013 (how sad?) thru email and skype,

 

Im 28, she's 25 with a lovechild from past 3yr old boy (single mom). i'll just summarize my story:

 

-She was newly hired from our company when i met her, then became friends for 1mon.

-2nd mon. of friendship we became so close and she told be about her past (baby, drug addict father, in short she told me her family is somewhat dysfunctional)

-I'm her 4th serious relationship, the 1st and 2nd BFs left her for another, 3rd (father of child) in her own words, irresponsible and really did'nt work

 

So our relationship story goes like this:

 

-on 3rd mon. we became "official" with the i love you's and anything

-our honeymoon phase lasted almost 1 year (1st year of our realtionship)

-2nd year we had some issues but we talked about it and fixed it

-traveled HK and singapore for our anniversaries

-intimacy was best, lots of time for each other, most of the time were together

-planned marriage, house, careers, etc

-we are well known and accepted on each others' families

 

About our breakup

 

-3rd year was the year of fights, scoldings, emotional abuse, and cold treatments (no phyisical fights) couple of break ups (1-3days NC only)

-3rd year she was accepted and hired overseas on one of the best oil companies in the world (her dream and career was granted)

-we promised that we will be together for ever and we will face all challenges ahead.

-upon preparing for her overseas job (2mos before) she told me she was sad and depressed because she was with me for 2years and now she will leave me and her son. and she realized how much time have passed and her son was growing up (i know, she invested more time with me than with her son) she told me she didnt even have the chance to see her son grow up that mucn (from 1-3) and told me she will give more time for her son even when overseas. i told her its ok

 

so fast forward 1month as LDR we are having lots of fights, specifically time (we have same timezones, asia) i always ask for her time just even on videocalls, because i feel she only wants to talk to her son, and me as last priority ( i know im childish on this one)

 

so after 1st month LDR, o got tired for asking her time and gave her a breakup letter telling her that im letting her go. if she doesnt want to be with me or give time with me anymore, and guess what she agreed and told me "i know its hard and the saddest thing is that i cant give you that time that gave you in the past (2years ago) because i realize i have to give priorty to my child and my career, and a realized that i want to do alot of things in my life, yes i've started to be a parent at a young age (22) but i stil dream of a lot of things for me, my child and my family and unfortunately you are suffering for things because i cant give you the love that you deserve anymore, and i know that you will meet someone whos doesnt have a baggages in life (single parent) and give you the love that you deserve, i want to end this and move on before its too late and have regrets and hatred on each other.

 

upon reading her reply, man i was so scared (yes) i regreted sending her the letter, i was stupid all along for giving that email. what did i do? i told her "no im sorry, im taking back what i have said in the email, i was wrong etc etc" (yes i was too late.. im very stupid and childish) be she told me, "its over let's just move on and start anew with our lives.. past is past, i dont go back on my past, and i dont go back with my exes"

 

for the whole november 2013 what i did was

-beg, call her, (yes all wrong) smother her, texted here but no avail

-i did even suprised here by visiting her overseas (unfortunately she told me to go back to the airport when she saw me waiting in her hotel lounge) she told me why did i just wait for some time to talk again, she told me im making it more difficult for her more (when i went to her overseas)

-she told me a couple of times its over, she fell out of love,

 

for the whole december

-i went NC for the whole december because i felt i did all the things that i know and others told me the best and the sincerest things to get her back and to let her know im sorry

-she made a couple of texts "how are you", " i hope you're fine," "please always take care", "sorry that this have happened" but i did'nt reply

-greeted me on xmas, new year

 

this january

-started LC but not about us..

-sometimes she replies, sometimes not

 

What i discovered and realized

-she told me 3rd year was hard, she started falling out of love slowly, but tried her best to make it work

-she wants more time with her son

-was smothered by my actions and clinginess

-told me she waited too long and got tired getting a proposal from me (what a jerk i am)

-basically she was very tired of me and all of my dramas

 

what are my/our issues?

 

-i felt depression on our 2nd year (not about relationship) but more about life i keep asking her and myself what i want to do in my life (which i think affected our RS)

-i got to complacent on our RS knowing she wont leave and will love me forever (as per her words and actions)

-i was stupid not to include her son in our RS 100% (she told me its ok because she loved me more that her son)

-communication

-time with other people in our lives

 

 

so there you go, i'm sorry guys that my story was somewhat incomplete (it was hard just even typing this) i cant tell exactly the details in one sitting as it still breaks my heart.

i have heard all the worst words that i dont even expect her to tell me. (i dont love you anymore, move on, find another girl)

 

i dont know if she's with someone overseas, but i know shes happy now, having the time of her life, i felt she was freed from my prison..

 

i know i did a lot of stupid things, i just a human, i thought what im doing was love.. but it was a selfish act.

 

now im left alone.. i realized how much i love her, a great loss, its too late....

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I agree. Hindsight is 20/20, but I hope you now realize never break up with someone as a tactic to get what you wants from them (More attention? For them to show that they care as much as you do?).

 

This blog post explains it well:

The main problem, and what most people fail to recognize, is that when a relationship nears or reaches a failure point, its limits are defined.

 

Prior to such an episode, each party could believe - and usually at least hoped - that the relationship was strong enough to sustain limitless difficulties. Neither party knew how much it would take to break the other's feelings or commitment. But a break-up (or near-break-up) changes that irreversibly. Suddenly one partner knows that the other's commitment has real limits. What was once "a love that knew no bounds" and apparently bottomless, is shown to be of finite dept - maybe even shallow. So the disappointment comes, not because the relationship is broken, but because it is shown to be breakable.

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Look forward OP. What's done is done. She doesn't want to be with you anymore and you can "make" her want to.

It's okay to feel sad. Let yourself grieve. But the time for grand gestures is over.

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thanks for your comments guys, yes i believe that we have our own share of fauilts in our RS, but regrets are haunting me day by day.. yes 3mos have already pass but i still can't fully accept of what happened, as much i a want to take her back and do the neccesary changes but unfortunately she won't even talk to me at present (even when she started LC).. my friends told me to give her some more time, and others told me to just move on and forget her..

 

i really regretted the things that i have done in our relationship but my intention was to never hurt or break with her...

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@mhowe,

 

actually when i broke up with her, the only thing that comes to my mind was that she was tired, and a feel that i need to let her go, because of our recent arguments and fights, i felt she will break up with me anyway soon, me being confused and lonely, without thinking to much broke her up... but yes when she agreed (then thats the time my fear of her breaking with me sooner was really true) that made me regretted it and took back my words and beg. realizing that yes she is really serious and i got desperate.

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