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Spoke to my ex and enjoyed it?


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We had been together 8 years, lived together for 7, each others first everything. He cheated on me and left me for a coworker who is a lot older and was in a relationship with a child.

 

The BU happened in September, been NC since November.

 

Last night he called and we spoke for over 2 hours for a catch up. Ive got a lot of fun and exciting new things happening in my life (no bf though) which has kept me very distracted from the BU. It was nice speaking to him and not getting emotional or desperate begging for him back. I didn't ask about his love life because frankly I don't want to know. It felt nice because there was no drama.

 

But now looking back on it Im starting to wonder why he is getting in contact now after all this time. He even said he would call again next week?

 

As soon as I hung up he sent me a lot of articles he had seen which he thought I would enjoy. I didn't reply.

 

Is he finally starting to miss me?

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The real question isn't whether or not he's going to miss you, you were together for 8 years that's not something that dies away in a few months. The real question you should be asking and looking for is whether or not he's changed or is willing to change. Does he have new insight to your relationship and what went wrong? Unless you can accept him being in a relationship and truly just not care if he's with someone new then you should be careful with what you're doing. you might just rip open your wound that's slowly healing by talking to him.

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The real question isn't whether or not he's going to miss you, you were together for 8 years that's not something that dies away in a few months. The real question you should be asking and looking for is whether or not he's changed or is willing to change. Does he have new insight to your relationship and what went wrong? Unless you can accept him being in a relationship and truly just not care if he's with someone new then you should be careful with what you're doing. you might just rip open your wound that's slowly healing by talking to him.

 

This. Plus, could you "get over" the fact that he cheated on you? If you got back together, would that worry that he could do it again always hang over your head? When I got back with my ex, I just couldn't shake the feeling that he could just up and leave me at any moment, it was on my mind, every day. He had made it clear, too many times, that he did not value us as much as he valued himself, he wasn't ready to give, but to only take. And that fact never left my mind, even after he put a ring on my finger. So, would you be able to live out your life trusting him completely, or would you live it knowing that it could happen again? Living in that constant fear and stress in not good for you.

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Honestly, after the way he disrespected you, I question why you are even speaking to him.

 

I think that he can now contact you at will is certainly a boost to his ego, because you certainly would not be communicating with him if you saw he for the lying cheat that he is. You can also become his armchair counselor and help advise him on his current relationship. Or, maybe you can become his something, simething on the side .

 

You are really setting yourself up for a boatload of pain, by allowing this guy back in. BTW, people do not change in a few months, and how could you trust him again?

 

Oh, what goes the GF think of your convo ?

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Dangerous territory. Did he apologise for what he did? There is no way I'm going to let my ex anywhere near me unless she offers the most sincere apology I've ever heard - and that would have to include no longer being with HIM. That's not to say I'd even take her back then, that's just the only way I ever see me talking to her again.

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I'm curious like the above poster - did he admit any wrongs on his part during your 8 yr relationship and apologize to you? It might be a case of you don't know what you've got til it's gone or he might have looked through old pictures and got thinking about you and called you. Did he not explain why he called after months of NC?

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If a guy cheated on you after 8 years together and then left you - you don't go chit-chatting with him, you kick the bastard out and you go on with your life. I am guessing it isn't working out as good as he though with that other women - so he searches his way back to your life. Are you enjoying the fact that you may be his plan B and he has no respect for you? He calls next time - you ignore it. Proceed with NC as you did before, and enjoy your knew life instead of picking up his bread crumbs.

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Kinders, you've continued to initiate contact with him all along and have stalked him and his new girlfriend online -- so really, WHY are you wondering what it means that he's contacting you now? You just contacted him less than a week ago and he said he'd back to you. No mystery there!

 

As long as you continue to reach out to him, you'll continue to delay your healing.

 

Also, by staying in contact this entire breakup, you've never given him a chance to see what life is like without you.

 

I agree that someone who cheated on you after so many years -- and then left you for the other woman -- isn't worth your time... but of course that's easier said than done and I can understand why you're still in pain about this. You're not helping yourself by never cutting off contact, though.

 

And please don't pretend now that HE'S the one who's initiating this contact! You just posted a few days ago that you contacted him.

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