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Why is he doing this ?


Stephydee86

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Hey , so tonight one of my mutual friends with my ex started talking to me , and said that my ex is on speed a lot now and is doing some other drugs he always used to smoke here and there but now is smoking weed like a chimney , he said he spoke with my exs mom and she told him that my ex is depressed , and I said to him why would he be depressed he has a place to stay for free is always out and partying has an ex to pay the bills (me the ones that over due from while we were together ) and has a ton of girls all over him . And he said surprisingly he doesn't have a lot of girls and the only lpl he hangs out with are all doped out to the max .. When we were together he hate drugs besides weed . He has changed so much and I thought I would feel better about him being sad but I feel more worrie then ever now

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Ok his mom has been saying even to me , that her son my ex is depressed for awhile so she has said this directly to me my ex has also told me he is but he didn't seem it , and his friend has seen him on the heavier drugs that he used to hate , and I mean literally he would stop talking to people on these drugs, and as for facebook I have had him as a friend but he never posts anything at all on his facebook.. I am worried even if it were my girlfriend or a family member in this situation I would be worried .. It does upset me how much he has lowered himself when he used to have goals like school and work and buying a house and saving money to take trips and having a big family , (just a few examples) but he seems to have no care for anyone anymore , his grandfather was always his number 1 he was like a father to him and he used to talk to him 1 a day and lately has only been talking to him maybe once a month if that he used to be all about family and school and his job now he's about drugs and friends .. He even quit his job .. So yes I worry for him

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My ex was the same. He was very into different ways of self-destruction, and his mom also contacted me a lot after we broke up, asking me to come back and safe her abusive, addicted son. NO WAY!

What he does is his responsibility. Not your business in any way. He may be going through something now, but still - you are no one to play a saver here. Tell your mutual friend - you don't want to hear any of it. Block him if you need - mind your own life. Junkie is junkie, the only thing he can do for himself is to go to a rehab. But again - it should be his choice, stay away from him.

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Sounds like he is hitting the self destruct button for a while. He has his friends, he has his mother for support but there's nothing you can do. If they are trying to guilt trip you into thinking that it is all your fault, and that you should be the one to save him then they should be avoided. It's not your fault and it's not your problem. Reaching out to him or even feeling like it is somehow your responsibility is him just dragging you back.

I'm sure the people around him are offering him the help he needs, and if he refuses to take that help then there's nothing really anyone can do until he snaps out of it.

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Does your therapist know you're in contact with his mom? That's HIGHLY inappropriate. I mentioned wanting to contact my ex's family and my therapist said that was a definite no. You need to stop that. You're obsessed with this guy and it's kind of scary. You need to block him on Facebook. When any of your mutual friends mention him, you need to politely tell them you do not care to hear about him or what he's doing. You need to tell his mother you cannot continue to have a relationship with her, either.

 

I posted on here a few weeks ago about my boyfriend of 5 and a half years breaking up with me and how that has caused my depression to spiral out of control. I was depressed before the breakup, but it triggered something in me. I tried to kill myself. I'm only saying this because I know firsthand how scary depression can be. That's HIS issue to deal with, not yours.

 

You need structure. You need to fill your day with things that will keep you busy so you have less time to think about him and what he's doing. You'll have days where he will cross your mind and you'll want to cry or you'll keep thinking about how things could be different or what he's doing or if he misses you. But they get less frequent if you stay busy. Making a post on here every single time you think about him isn't healthy and it really just makes you look like a crazy, obsessed ex. I kept a journal to myself for the first few days of NC. It's been 25 days of NC for me and since I've been making an effort to keep myself busy, I've written in it less frequently and the days have gone by much more quickly. I know everyone grieves differently and what works for me may not work for you, but you really need to make an effort to attempt to keep your life moving. Keep going to therapy and try to keep going.

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Stop focusing on him. Focus on you. He's your ex. It's fine to care and all of that - but you guys are no longer together, and you need to kind of release that into the world rather than focusing it on him.

 

You need to step back from all of the connections with him. You are, at this point, doing it to yourself. Get your head out of the sand!

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No one is holding a gun to his head and making him self destruct. He is doing this on his own. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they can dig themselves out of trouble.

That is the beauty part of being an X, you dont have to worry. I understand that this is someone you dated and you feel for him but he is on his own path. Best thing for you to turn your back and not watch it happen. If he wants help, he will seek help.

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