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Mixed messages? Normal to be turned on by an ex having sex?


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Hi ill try keep this brief.

 

Had an on/off thing with a friend-with-benefits that was more, but we ended things. Long story but basically he didn't want to get hurt, have feelings or anything of the sort. I told him I had sex with someone else around Xmas and two weeks ago he had sex to "move on". We discussed making it work between us, he said he didn't want to as he didn't want to try reignite something that wasn't there (there was something there) so I accepted that. Said fine and went to move on. Went out Saturday night, had a one night stand, he text me on Sunday and me moving on came up. While I was out on Saturday night I drunk dialled an old friend who drunkenly told me he's loved me for years.

 

Since my ex wanted to be just friends, I told him about the confession, and I was super happy and excited. He asked about the one night stand too and I gave him the gory details. He didn't seem too bothered although didn't want to see a pic of him to see what he looked like. I went on about both of the guys and how it was a good weekend and he ended the call as it was late and he was tired. Though when the call ended we started texting and he told me how happy he was I moved on and how he was glad I was having good sex. I mentioned my boobs hurt and he started bringing up how he used to have so much fun doing it,bringing up stuff we did in bed, how hot it was how fun it was and how goodi was.

 

We stayed talking for another three hours on text, but he was mostly talking about old times and how we were fun. He told me I should get myself off before bed and I mentioned I had enough naughty pics to keep me going. He obviously fell asleep as next morning he text me asking if they were new guys or his. I didn't answer question and though he text a lot yesterday I didn't feel like textinguch.

 

We were texting this morning, I mentioned I had a date tonight, he was all interested, asked how masturbation went the two nights before, said he was glad things were going well between me and new guy but again the conversation turned to what we used to do, what he enjoyed doing, how great I was in bed, how my blowjobs were amazing, what he enjoyed most. We ended up having text sex and masturbating together. We haven't done this in months. He said it'd be just this once for old times sake. Conversation got very hot and he told me he wanted to heard get off, he rang me and we had phone dec (we never did before in almost two years). During it he talked about us, not us ing other people. He came, thinking about stuff we used to do. He told me he was turned on hearing bout me with someone else but I'm not sure as although he asked what we did, he kept bringing it back to us and he had no interest in having text sex before now. He said it didn't bother him Ipced on but he kept asking if he was better or if the new guy was better. He's also having sex with someone new but we barely mentioned her.

 

Just wondering what's changed in that

A - he was always jealous before

B - admits being jealous of my ex who he saw as competition

C - all of a sudden starts wanting to get naughty again (at least on text) after months of not wanting it

D - telling me how great I am in bed when he would dodge anything like that for months.

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See I'm not sure he really is. That's my problem. He tells me when I have sex with X it bothers him, because there's history there and he's jealous of him. A few months ago (October) the last time we had text sex I said I wanted to move on and he got angry with me saying that so soon after we had exchanged sexy messages and when he asks if I pulled he says its morbid curiosity. Even last Thursday night he called me and we talked about this and he said when I did move on he wouldn't ask and I shouldn't tell.

 

Four days later were discussing me having sex with someone else, he's saying it doesn't bother him but I really doubt it. It's more an element of ... "My boobs hurt, Y hurt them Saturday night" and he would be like "we used to have a lot of fun, boob playing is your favourite, always enjoyed doing that for you. Loved seeing them the next morning", or him asking if I gave him a blowjob and saying "you're great at giving head, definitely one of the best I've had, I loved watching you go for it it always felt amazing" that's just examples but it was basically asking what we did and then saying how great it was with me and him.

 

Talking on the phone about the friend who admitted his feelings for me too seems to make him really uncomfortable like he doesn't like hearing about another guy having feelings for me when he thinks I may have them back and Im wondering is he jealous of the new "friend" because he keeps reminding me how great we were, how great I am at what I do and he's played with me for the first time in months for "old times sake" and seems to ask "was it as good as me" a lot.

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Having text/conversation with ex about the sex she is having...means he doesn't care.

He doesn't want to stop wasting/talking about it because he is using it as porn!

He isn't sleeping with you... is he!

I say again

..an interactive porn site. Wow.

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You should cut contact with him and move on. Stop pro longing it. This guy is not the relationship type. He has no interest and is just using women as toys to masturbate inside. Stop degrading yourself and find someone who sees you as more than a cum bucket

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Just wondering what's changed in that

A - he was always jealous before

B - admits being jealous of my ex who he saw as competition

C - all of a sudden starts wanting to get naughty again (at least on text) after months of not wanting it

D - telling me how great I am in bed when he would dodge anything like that for months.

 

He is using you to get his rocks off. That is all. If he wanted to get back together, he would ask you out!

 

Instead he is using you as "interactive porn" as you will relive sex memories with him, talk dirty, sext, and send pictures.. It just means when he's horny he knows he can reach out to you and find a receptive partner for his masturbation sessions.

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He gets excited by the idea that you are seeing other guys and he gets excited by the fact that you're kissing and telling all to him--i.e. he likes being in the role of someone you confess your sexual escapades to, so to speak. In other words, this is feeding into his sexual pleasure plain and simple, which all very good and fine if sex is all you care about too. But it's not a romantic relationship nor will it ever be. It's a fetish for him, nothing more really.

 

He says he's jealous, but that's not how a jealous guy acts. My guess is that's more of the fantasy/role playing he's doing. Don't be surprised if the next step is him asking you, and possibly himself, to don costumes during these little phone sex sessions.

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My ex has done this with me too and then told me telling me love you or using a petname is inappropriate. Basically your ex and mine and all others like them are selfish and only do what makes them feel good regardless of the feelings of others. I always think if they love you the last thing they'd want is details of you being loved on by another man.

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My ex has done this with me too and then told me telling me love you or using a petname is inappropriate. Basically your ex and mine and all others like them are selfish and only do what makes them feel good regardless of the feelings of others. I always think if they love you the last thing they'd want is details of you being loved on by another man.

 

Your ex bf is nothing like this -- he wants you to move on. And he thinks it is inappropriate for him to use your pet name or tell you he loves you.

 

Her ex wants to hear the details of her sexual escapades with other men. In gory detail.

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