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Red Flag behavior for crazies or weirdos?


JA0371

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Estranged from family, multiple children with various partners, jealous, possessive, clingy, coming on too strong, unemployed for no legit reason, beady eyes, doesn't make eye contact, hateful speech/choice of language when talking about others, road rage...

those are some.

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Boohoo stories about how they are damaged because of this and that. Like a guy who tells me that in the last 5 relationships, every woman cheated on him. Huge red flag. He may seem like a poor victim, but he is the common denominator in this. Other things like inconsistent behavior - blowing hot and cold. Telling me how he is best friends with all his ex's. Bad mouthing his previous relationships or dates. Digging too much into tmi details of my previous romantic relationship or sex life. Jumping the gun on forcing the romance, telling me he is in love before he knows me, big sweep you off your feet type gestures combined with subtle controlling behaviors like trying to extract promises of instant exclusivity and love, getting upset that some guy looked at me, etc. Crazy initially can be a bit subtle and many women get swept up in the romantic story line type stuff of love at first sight and disregard completely how utterly abnormal that actually is.

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I like to go to a restaurant for the first date and watch how she treats the waiters and staff. A good sign of how she will treat me later on.

 

Expressing an interest in pursuing a political career. Only nutjobs and psycopaths go into politics

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Excessive calling/texting right off the bat.

Treating waiters/waitresses/bartenders rudely and as if they aren't people.

Acting as though he was a victim in all of his past relationships.

Questioning me about anything to do with my past relationships or sex life.

Any comments that smack of misogyny.

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Expressing an interest in pursuing a political career. Only nutjobs and psycopaths go into politics

 

hahahaha.....this for sure! Ex husband told me right off the bat he wanted to be MAYOR...lol....of our city. When he ran for Alderman...i didn't even vote for him.....he lost....and that was the end of his political career! Even tho i never heard the end of his 'beef' with how the city was run! lol

 

Now me...being a nutjob...yep. The list goes on and on...but one of the biggies.....hyper sensitive!

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For me personally, the red flags I saw with this one guy I was involved with was:

1. Him stalking his ex on FB and match (this happened while he and I were still just friends)

2. Him telling me he had "ways" of knowing who is ex was seeing and whether she was lying to him when they were together (again, this happened while he and I were still just friends)

3. Him having a multitude of family problems (i.e. not getting along with his father, being arrested once for assault on a FAMILY MEMBER)

4. Him being WAY too charming.

5. Me never being able to "win" an argument with him.....

 

to name some... Just some....

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Immediately laying out intimate details of problems and issues - not outlines, but INTIMATE details. I really don't need to know that your last gf left because you wanted to bang her for hours and she couldn't keep up, or she didn't like oral and you did, on a first date!

 

The ex coming up in every 10 minutes of conversation.

 

Excessive overtures or keeping tabs. (Calling after a date is one thing. Sending a nice flower arrangement if it's not huge, ok. But sending a dozen roses, changing FB status, and gushing via phone, email, or text... I'd run.)

 

Their phone being blown up with texts/calls while you're out. Unless they're a VERY busy exec - could be one po'ed ex or a current gf - and a hot mess. Most guys don't blow up the phone messaging their male friends.

 

And the obviously pushy and intrusive questions/statements. I would even draw the line at the guy who ignores what you've stated as a preference to order for you, pick a movie if you've said you dislike the genre, etc. Might be abusive, might just be a real jerk, but either way, not a good dating prospect.

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You can't red flag the person you're doing if you're both having sex on the first date. Then you better red flag yourself, too.

 

I was going to make a list, but then this was linked(which I've read many times!)

 

link removed

 

 

And yup! Glossed over about 14 of those... ](*,)

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The person violates your boundaries, by being too attentive, wanting to meet your children right away, texting early or late in the day, sending things or showing up at your office, and/or talking about intimate topics (not necessarily sexually intimate) too soon, wanting to solve something in your life.

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does anyone think having sex on the first date is a red flag? i'm curious as to what both men and women think.

 

Yup. If you're willing to have sex with me on the first date, you're willing to do it with other men. Icky, icky, icky. I'm not a prude. I will engage in a one night stand. But when it comes to dating I want the woman to at least pretend, or actually respect one another for the first few dates.

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Yup. If you're willing to have sex with me on the first date, you're willing to do it with other men. Icky, icky, icky. I'm not a prude. I will engage in a one night stand. But when it comes to dating I want the woman to at least pretend, or actually respect one another for the first few dates.

 

I tend to agree with you, but some women are willing to give it up early on, but still only see one guy at a time. I have been with girls where we were exclusive FWBs (slept together on the first or second date), and I had the option (but not the obligation - now I'm talking in terms of financial instruments) to "strike" and make em my gfs.

 

Aside from my ex (who started out as a FWB, and who I slept with on date 2), I have let all of those "option contracts" expire so far.

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You can't red flag the person you're doing if you're both having sex on the first date. Then you better red flag yourself, too.

 

Sex on the first date is not the start of a serious long-term relationship. It's the start of a brief FWB affair which doesn't last more than a few months.

 

I asked this because there were an enormous amount of red flags I overlooked with my last ex.

 

One of which is she tried to sleep with me on the first and second dates. I declined, because I could tell I was going to like this girl for more than sex. But, in the end, it didn't work out anyway.

 

She said she loved me after 2 weeks of dating. For some reason, I didn't think that was a red flag because I was smitten and infatuated with her.

 

Other red flags for me are:

 

- having an uncomfortably close relationship with one ore more exes, or the fact that the person is friends with many exes.

- not having many friends in real life and/or having all/most friends online.

- showing now appreciation or gratitude for things that I do.

- disrespecting boundaries.

 

This is not necessarily a red flag but one thing that I took away from my last relationship is that if I start putting the needs of the person I am dating before mine and there's little to no reciprocation, the relationship is doomed and I start to become codependent.

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